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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being harassed online and terrified

24 replies

Manxious · 06/07/2023 02:03

A complete stranger (met him once in a professional setting) has started to stalk me and harass me on social media.

It’s really scary stuff with terrifying accusations about how I treat my kids (this person has never met my children) and how he’ll save them from me.

It has been confirmed by mutual contacts that he’s suffering manic episodes. I suspect drugs are also involved. I’ve been told other people have also received scary messages from him.

Every time I block and report him, he starts a new account and starts again. Sometimes the messages are accusatory, sometimes threatening, sometimes completely nonsensical.

This person lives in the U.K. and I’m in Australia, so I have no idea what my next step is, legally. In my more sensible moments, I m don’t feel under any real threat as I doubt he’d even have a passport or the means to buy a flight, but at the worst of my anxiety about it, I’m watching over my shoulder continuously. I don’t have a partner so it’s just me and the kids.

I’ve never suffered anxiety before and now I can barely function. As soon as I start to feel better, he reappears.

My poor kids are having to deal with me being a total shell of a person at the moment. And the more anxious I am, the more I disengage with the kids and then start to buy in to this person’s comments about what an awful parent I am. So it’s a vicious cycle.

It’s impacting every aspect of my life. My work, my interaction with family, my kids. I’ve even argued with friends for the first time in my whole life, because I’m so on edge. Both about the safety of my kids but also I can’t stop thinking about the fact someone (manic or not) is making these insane accusations about me.

I’ve told some people what’s happening but not family, as they’re far away and will worry.

OP posts:
Manxious · 06/07/2023 02:06

Just to add, my profile was public on social media and yes there was reference to my kids (it was a business account and I have a children/family related product). I’m very very careful what I post.

I know people have strong views about having kids on their social media and trust me, no one regrets that more than me right now. So please don’t go to town on me about it. I’ve taken everything down with reference to my kids and made the profile private now (even though my business will really suffer as I get a lot of customers through social media).

OP posts:
Frogpond · 06/07/2023 02:09

Have you tried changing your name on social media and locking down privacy settings? I would go to the police and see what they say. I hope you get it sorted.

Manxious · 06/07/2023 02:12

Frogpond · 06/07/2023 02:09

Have you tried changing your name on social media and locking down privacy settings? I would go to the police and see what they say. I hope you get it sorted.

It’s my business name so I can’t really change it, but I have changed all the privacy settings and taken down absolutely everything with my kids in.

Having it private means no new customers can see my products now though which is a pain! I’ve got quite a good following.

OP posts:
theGooHasGone · 06/07/2023 02:12

Just keep blocking, reporting and ignoring. Don't even read the messages. You know that these are the actions of an insane person. Realistically they don't know where you live and they aren't going to be able to do anything to you. They're not the worth the head space.

You can try reporting it to his local police force in the UK with all the evidence you have - maybe if they pay him a visit and he realises it's serious, he'll stop. Most people who harass others online just assume they're anonymous and nothing will ever happen to them.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2023 02:18

I would report this to the police. I don't know if they can help, but I would at least want to get the harassment on record.

Fraaahnces · 06/07/2023 02:22

Take copies of everything you have to the police. I imagine they have ways of communicating with uk police and maybe they can get him some treatment or have him charged

JauntyRedShoes · 06/07/2023 02:39

Good advice to have a record of all the abuse and harassment you are experiencing. As well as a Police report you can make a report on esafety.gov.au via their on-line reporting portal (I’m in Australia too). It also has some useful information. Is there a women’s business network in your area, if so there may be value in making contact as someone may have experience of similar or can give advice so that your business does not suffer.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/07/2023 02:40

Have you reported this to police? Australia has stronger harassment laws. Also found the following -

Office of the ESafety Commissioner
Aside from pursuing criminal charges, an adult or child who lives in Australia and is the victim of cyberbullying or image-based abuse may make a report to, or seek support from, the Office of the eSafety Commissioner. The Commissioner administers four online protection schemes under the Online Safety Act 2021 (Cth).

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/07/2023 02:41

Every state is a little different, this is a link to sone South Australian information. A lot of it is Australia wide though, so still useful.

https://lsc.sa.gov.au/cb_pages/cyberstalkingcyberharassment.php

JauntyRedShoes · 06/07/2023 02:42

https://www.esafety.gov.au This is the link I mentioned earlier.

Lacucuracha · 06/07/2023 06:01

Definitely report to police in UK and Australia. Do you know the stalker’s local police force? Where does he live?

Once you have a case number/s, contact all the social media platforms you’re on and complain, make it their problem.

Sorry you’re going through this. I suspect you have been targeted because he knows he can affect your livelihood.

PuddlesPityParty · 06/07/2023 06:32

Lacucuracha · 06/07/2023 06:01

Definitely report to police in UK and Australia. Do you know the stalker’s local police force? Where does he live?

Once you have a case number/s, contact all the social media platforms you’re on and complain, make it their problem.

Sorry you’re going through this. I suspect you have been targeted because he knows he can affect your livelihood.

If they’re in a manic episode and also targeting other people I’m not sure it’s about her livelihood.

44PumpLane · 06/07/2023 07:31

OP I would also suggest that you reach out to a friend, temporarily change your password settings and ask one trusted friend to log on to your socials daily to copy any threatening messages from him and then delete them before you see them.

Stop blocking his profiles so that you know who the messages are coming from so your friend can simply screen shot, save in a different doc, then delete so you don't have to see them.

BMW6 · 06/07/2023 07:39

Police. This is a crime and no reason why Australian police wouldn't liase with UK police to arrest the criminal here. Sounds like he needs sectioning.

Totaly · 06/07/2023 07:41

When you say a professional - who does he work for? Contact them?

SideWonder · 06/07/2023 08:03

Does he belong to a business or professional organisation? If so, report him to that.

Screenshot everything - or have a friend do so. So you have evidence.

Good luck - it's horrible to dread opening your email. Flowers

hattie43 · 06/07/2023 09:15

Just keep telling yourself this man is made , he's the other side of the world so can't get to you , block and ignore .
If he wants to waste his time so be it but you don't have to react to it .

hattie43 · 06/07/2023 09:16

Mad not made

ExposingPaulBreach · 03/08/2023 19:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CrackerAndPudding · 03/08/2023 19:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ExposingPaulBreach looks like you've posted on the wrong thread?

SickWithWorry123 · 03/08/2023 19:19

@ExposingPaulBreach eh?? This makes no sense!

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 03/08/2023 19:32

If you were my friend and this upset I'd offer to monitor your account and remove the nonsense. There has been some good advice above.

Do you have the means to outsource your social media admin to a virtual PA perhaps?

OhcantthInkofaname · 03/08/2023 20:47

Aquamarine1029 · 06/07/2023 02:18

I would report this to the police. I don't know if they can help, but I would at least want to get the harassment on record.

This is what you should do! Police can at least get his ISP and your carrier could figure out how to block him.

One can be hopeful that he may threaten the wrong person and they will handle it.

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