To cut all ties with this person? And how?

[Whatdoisaynow]

Apologies if this is a TAT. I wasn’t sure if it was too late to revive the old one.

I employed a friend to provide a service for me (beauty treatments over the course of 3 months). She turned out to be completely unreliable and has barely managed to provide the service she offered. She’s probably done 3 treatments in 3 months. It was supposed to be 3 a week.

What I didn’t say in the previous thread (as I was embarrassed) is at the we both have sidelines in a common business, and had agreed a collaboration for an upcoming event.

The collaboration is totally unrelated to the beauty treatments. I run a business and am doing a particular event in August and we agreed a promotion with a product she sells, The promo has been included on my advertising etc. It was a really exciting and mutually beneficial arrangement. We’d been friends a while and I know her professionally through this common business and she seemed to be fantastic at both her jobs - the product she sells and the beauty treatments (neither well paid though so I wanted to help her build both businesses. I’m lucky enough to have a more lucrative full-time job too).

She’s turned out to be so dreadfully unreliable on both fronts. She commits to making time to discuss the promotion and plans for that, and has cancelled every potential meeting on it. We had a block of time planned together where we would discuss the business stuff AND do a session of the beauty treatment, and she just bailed on both (she got offered to do make-up for a wedding party and literally cancelled on me with an hours’ notice because it was too good an opportunity to turn down, apparently).

Now, I have no doubt she’ll actually provide the product and show up my the event in August. I’m almost certain she’ll be there. But only because I paid for her train ticket, honestly (which is fair in the context of the business agreement we made). That said, I was supposed to provide accommodation for her too, and I haven’t bought it yet and don’t want to.

I’m just done. I want out of the whole thing now. It’s not going to reflect well on me professionally to withdraw her product from my event AND I’m going to lose a ton of money that I paid her for the beauty treatments, but I’m just exhausted with the whole thing.

I had NO idea she would be like this when I agreed both these things with her. She comes across so driven and I felt so comfortable and excited about working with her. I’m usually very savvy and this has been a real shock.

I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face a bit, as withdrawing her product promo from my event has a negative impact on me (more than her, honestly). I also worry about burning bridges with her because of our common business interest, but I just want out of any connection with her. The whole thing has completely drained me.

I realise what an idiot I sound for having got so tied in with her in the first place but this whole thing made so much sense when we agreed it all, and she’s someone I‘ve always respected, and it’s just been a total disaster. She’s taken total advantage of the fact I’m a friend and has shown me absolutely no professionalism or respect.

I remember your previous thread... Can you message her publicly to remind her of her up and coming commitments? - if she is a no show people will know who's at fault... Then disengage from her in all ways.

Sorry, I wanted to add/emphasise that I’m really worried about burning bridges with her, because although she’s not making good money out of our common sideline industry, she has some really good connections in the industry and potential great prospects, and it’s something I’m really passionate about eventually doing full-time, so I really really don’t want to burn bridges completely.

I’m also so drained by it that it’s actually impacting my mental health though.

This is already very public as everyone that knows both her and I in our industry, has seen the adverts for the upcoming promo/collaboration. So I do think she’ll show for the actual event itself.

Tricky… agree with risk of cutting nose off to spite face-ness

Could you make it through the event in August and then cut the ties? How has she reacted when you have raised the issue of the beauty treatments you’re not getting ? I’m wondering if you can suggest she use the money you’ve paid for the beauty treatments to pay for her own accommodation rather than you shelling out yet more money on this woman.

that said if you just want out I expect it won’t have as big an impact as you fear. It’s always the case that people pay a lot less attention to us that we think. I’d just have a simple cover line like “sadly we are no longer able to feature Product X at the event” and leave it at there. A few people may gossip but you can just ignore it.

I suggest you keep it professional and just say as she’s been unable to commit time to planning, you think it best to drop the joint promotion this time and will do the event on your own.

To maintain what you have already advertised you could sell her products, agree % for her. She's obviously very good at talking herself up, confused as to why you didn't do some research though. If you cba with any of this then put a notice out to customers saying & & & won't be there this time then never, ever involve this person in your business again, she's obviously clueless and will wreck her business don't let her near yours. Be more wary of how great people seem on the surface.

As as pp has said, fotos you just get through this one event, let the chips fall where they may and then never collaborate again?

I'd have a sit-down with her either way and tell her you're seriously thinking of pulling out because of the way she's been acting.

I would just grit your teeth, continue with the promotion then once it's over just gently distance yourself if you are worried about any potential fall out of burning your bridges. But you need to stop letting it affect your mental health - it's just not worth it, life's too short and all that.

Thanks all. I gave her an ultimatum to either pull her socks up on both fronts, or refund me for the beauty stuff and I’d just find a new provider for the event.

I think I was expecting quite a heartfelt apology but didn’t get one. Just got more of a “yes I’ll pull my socks up no problem and of course I’ll be at the event, and let’s do a beauty session on Thursday if you’re free”.

I was too frustrated to reply, although I acknowledge that there wasn’t much she could’ve said that would’ve helped as I’m so annoyed!

So, we did a session last week (at last). I struggled to be cheery but she acted like nothing had happened. I had hoped she’d at least make reference to her last minute cancellation and apologise, but she didn’t.

As if I wasn’t at the end of my tether enough though, I’ve just remembered that the treatments were supposed to come with some stuff for aftercare (products and also some written instructions), which I’d asked her for repeatedly after our first 2 sessions, and she kept saying she’ll give to me and then forgetting.

And she was supposed to send me some admin stuff for our business collab and hasn’t done that either.

I’d reminded her so many times on both that I’d started to feel embarrassed for nagging and stopped asking, which is why both things ended up slipping my mind in the end.

Another friend just reminded me about them today!

To make it worse, she hasn’t contacted me to schedule our next session either. I could absolutely contact her but I’m exhausted with it all.

I’m so wound up now that I think it might be time to call it a day.

I’ve got an overwhelming feeling she’s going to put up a ton of resistance about giving my money back for the treatments though, and I’m certainly I going to lose both a friend and a business contact.

Any advice on how to approach this is much appreciated.

I’ve already twice now suggested she just refunds me for the treatments, to which she’s promised to be more reliable, and I’ve offered to take her promo off my event, given she seems very busy. She insisted she still wanted to do both things.

I need a more assertive and direct approach to tell her enough is enough. I feel like throwing all my toys out the pram this morning!

This is tricky but I’d say don’t get angry or send any messages you might regret / would be embarrassed if she shows other people. I’d probably write off the money you’ve paid for the treatments, I’d be amazed if you got that back given how flakey she sounds. Send a polite but concise email / message just saying you think it’s best to end the arrangement as it hasn’t panned out as you expected and isn’t working for you unfortunately. And wish her the best going forward.

Then leave it there and move on. You’ll have lost a bit of money yes but I imagine trying to get it back will cause you more stress and be very difficult. She sounds like she has absolutely no shame to be honest and some people just really don’t care about how they affect others.