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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How often do you allow your teen's boyfriend/girlfriend to come over?

9 replies

MDJB · 05/07/2023 12:21

My 17 year old daughter has her first boyfriend. We live near to his school (he boards), so it makes sense that he comes here to see her. This happens most evenings. They're not a hassle and I generally have a welcoming, laidback approach to this kind of thing.
Only issue is, my 17 year old shares a room with her 14 year old sister. Never before had this been such an issue.
Last night I came out of my bedroom to go to the toilet, and my 14 year old was sitting outside their shared bedroom. "It's fine, as big sister has offered to buy me ice-cream to keep out". This was at midnight!! Usually I send him off long before this, but had crashed out last night. I feel I should be able to trust him, at 19, to leave at a respectful hour (his school has finished up already).
I'm a single parent and would really appreciate your suggestions on what would be fair. It's starting to feel a bit intrusive and unfair on my younger daughter. 17 year old and I have a loving but sometimes fraught relationship, so want to handle this right from the start.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Hye000 · 05/12/2023 18:18

Very difficult situation. If you are in bed and 14year old is in the shared room, there’s no reason they cannot stay downstairs until it’s time for him to go, they can chill and have the space to themselves. Certainly wouldn’t allow him in the bedroom, ESPECIALLY when it’s a shared room with 14yr old impressionable teenager. Definitely wouldn’t want that around my younger teen

Fionaville · 05/12/2023 18:24

As I was the younger sister in this situation, I can tell you that I really grew to resent sister and her boyfriend for this. I was horrible being banned from my own bedroom and it's really not fair.
That said if it were my teen, I'd want them to feel comfortable enough to have their boyfriend/girlfriend over as much as possible.
If there isn't another room they could chill out together in. Could you watch TV etc in your bedroom after sitting with them both in the living room for a bit? I know some people would be aghast at that suggestion, but I'd really want my house to be a good and welcoming home for the 17 year old and the younger daughter.

Bleakmidwinter1977 · 05/12/2023 19:25

We had a similar situation with siblings in a shared space. Our son went to his girfriends after college on weekdays where they had more space, and came to us at the weekend when we would be out most of the day with various activities. Sleep overs were allowed, but only when his brother was staying out. Girlfriend stays over when we are away.

LisaD1 · 05/12/2023 19:37

Different situation in that there’s no younger siblings. Dd is 16, bf is same age, lovely kids. They’re in gcse years so they’re allowed one evening a week plus Friday and Saturday providing homework is done. Dd is also allowed out another weekday evening and Sundays to see friends. Bf does a sport on Sunday. He is here more often than she is there but they both have to be home by 10pm on school nights.

DaughterNo2 · 05/12/2023 19:40

MDJB · 05/07/2023 12:21

My 17 year old daughter has her first boyfriend. We live near to his school (he boards), so it makes sense that he comes here to see her. This happens most evenings. They're not a hassle and I generally have a welcoming, laidback approach to this kind of thing.
Only issue is, my 17 year old shares a room with her 14 year old sister. Never before had this been such an issue.
Last night I came out of my bedroom to go to the toilet, and my 14 year old was sitting outside their shared bedroom. "It's fine, as big sister has offered to buy me ice-cream to keep out". This was at midnight!! Usually I send him off long before this, but had crashed out last night. I feel I should be able to trust him, at 19, to leave at a respectful hour (his school has finished up already).
I'm a single parent and would really appreciate your suggestions on what would be fair. It's starting to feel a bit intrusive and unfair on my younger daughter. 17 year old and I have a loving but sometimes fraught relationship, so want to handle this right from the start.
Thanks.

Utterly ridiculous! Why on earth are you allowing this🤦‍♀️

icanlovemebetter · 05/12/2023 19:56

My 2 cents- Ridiculous as well. I dread teen pregnancy from an outsider perspective. Ask them to hangout in living room and ask him to leave at a decent hour

Janiie · 05/12/2023 20:01

They watch tv downstairs while you watch it in your own bedroom, or the 13yr old sleeps in with you?
The 17yr old really should have her own space some times even if it isn't possible all the time.

DavesRaves · 05/12/2023 20:01

Kids boyfriends and girlfriends can come over as often as they like.
They're not allowed in bedrooms, they can go in the dining room or conservatory if they want to be alone, and they get kicked out when I go to bed, which is often turned midnight, so not early.

SamPM · 24/02/2024 18:11

For a start I would not tolerate him coming over every night. He needs a hobby and your daughter should be focusing on studies/other interests and seeing her friends. It also really unfair on the younger sister.

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