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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my name?

26 replies

stressedoutstudent · 05/07/2023 10:14

I have had 3 surnames. My biological fathers at birth - not seen him since i was 8. At 16 my mum changed my surname to my stepdads - he turned out to be an abusive waste of space, not seen him since i was 19. I got married and changed it again, marriage broke down after 10 years in 2014 but i continued using the name.

I dont feel any kind of attachment to any of these names. Im now nearing to end of my degree, and want my degree to be my name, no attachment to my ex husband who didnt have any input in my successes. He hasnt seen our children since 2015, he hasnt helped raise them, he hasnt contributed financially. Ive done it all. I plan on changing my surname by deed poll in the very near future

I want my degree to be in my name, but what name?

How would you go about choosing a name for yourself?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/07/2023 10:16

Were you close to your Mum? Could you use her maiden name?

Hazelnuttella · 05/07/2023 10:19

Is there a place name that has some significance to you that you could use?

Or an older family name (mums maiden name) or a grandparent’s surname?

Original poster
stressedoutstudent · 05/07/2023 10:19

Sirzy · 05/07/2023 10:16

Were you close to your Mum? Could you use her maiden name?

Not really, and her maiden name isnt one someone would pick, its a bit of a innuendo name, she was glad of the change!

OP posts:
TheSeaDoesntKnowMyName · 05/07/2023 10:20

we went one further, and used my mothers mothers maiden name

CurlewKate · 05/07/2023 10:20

When my mother, quite late in life,had some success as an artist, she used her mother's maiden name. Much to all our surprise! Could you do that? Or another name from the female line in your family?

Original poster
stressedoutstudent · 05/07/2023 10:21

Hazelnuttella · 05/07/2023 10:19

Is there a place name that has some significance to you that you could use?

Or an older family name (mums maiden name) or a grandparent’s surname?

I was thinking place possibly. Or my grandads name was James, i was thinking of that as a possibility

OP posts:
Storynanny1 · 05/07/2023 10:22

I have a colleague who was in an identical situation to you - she researched the last few generations of her family ( the maternal side) and settled on a lovely surname of a distant aunt who she had met and liked. She has passed on that surname to her daughter now as well.

Storynanny1 · 05/07/2023 10:22

Grandads name sounds a lovely idea

Hazelnuttella · 05/07/2023 10:22

James would be a very nice surname

Mabelface · 05/07/2023 10:23

I chose my maternal great grandmother's maiden name. Took me a year to decide, considered other names but kept coming back to that.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 05/07/2023 10:24

What about using the name of someone who has really inspired you on your learning journey, perhaps an academic whose papers you enjoy, or maybe someone whose research has been instrumental to your subject choice and success?

CatherinedeBourgh · 05/07/2023 10:25

I think it's a lovely idea, and good on you for thinking about it before you get your degree.

I love the idea of using your gf's name. Or that of whoever you feel helped you become the person you want to be.

Original poster
stressedoutstudent · 05/07/2023 10:26

Mabelface · 05/07/2023 10:23

I chose my maternal great grandmother's maiden name. Took me a year to decide, considered other names but kept coming back to that.

Ive been trying to decide my entire time at uni, James is one i like but it doesnt necessarily roll with my first name, it feel odd to say (double J) but that may be because its new. Its also what i will be known as professionally so i want to make the right choice. Its harder than naming my children.

OP posts:
SpringSummerDreamer · 05/07/2023 10:29

Choosing a name after a place is a lovely idea. Even though you're not originally from there, you and future family members can go and visit, knowing you liked and felt a connection to the area.

So many wonderful village names to pick from!

INeedAnotherName · 05/07/2023 10:36

I have a similar problem. The one I keep coming back to is my mother's mother's maiden name but it doesn't go with my first name either. Do you know any other maiden names going backwards?

kierenthecommunity · 05/07/2023 10:40

stressedoutstudent · 05/07/2023 10:26

Ive been trying to decide my entire time at uni, James is one i like but it doesnt necessarily roll with my first name, it feel odd to say (double J) but that may be because its new. Its also what i will be known as professionally so i want to make the right choice. Its harder than naming my children.

Show quote history

Joan Jett, Janis Joplin and Janet Jackson would beg to differ 😃

I love the idea of using your grandad’s name if you were close to him. James is my sons middle name and he wants to be a rock star 🤣 so I’ve suggested he call himself DSname James as it sounds better than our clunky real surname

LucyLocketsBlackCat · 05/07/2023 10:43

Have you got a middle name? Could you use that as a surname? Or convert it into a surname, eg Nicola to Nicholson, type of thing?

Amdone123 · 05/07/2023 10:46

James is lovely.
I met someone whose surname was Valentine. Thought that was lovely.
Are there any surnames you like the sound of ?
You sound like a Phoenix rising from the flames, something to highlight your achievements?

JonahAndTheSnail · 05/07/2023 10:47

How about double-barelled so you'd be first name, surname-James?

Butchyrestingface · 05/07/2023 10:48

Amdone123 · 05/07/2023 10:46

James is lovely.
I met someone whose surname was Valentine. Thought that was lovely.
Are there any surnames you like the sound of ?
You sound like a Phoenix rising from the flames, something to highlight your achievements?

You know, I was actually thinking of Phoenix reading the OP. Grin. Grin Grin

JayWayney · 05/07/2023 10:52

What great foresight you have OP. I've known people who invented a totally new name out of their combined names. I know this is different, but wondered if you could make a nice sounding anagram out of your first names. Otherwise possible a place that has significance to you, or someone in your more distant family that you have connection with? James sounds good.

Original poster
stressedoutstudent · 05/07/2023 10:53

INeedAnotherName · 05/07/2023 10:36

I have a similar problem. The one I keep coming back to is my mother's mother's maiden name but it doesn't go with my first name either. Do you know any other maiden names going backwards?

Ive looked at a few but none really stand out, all very common names like Jones, Williams etc. I think as its such a big decision I'm dithering over it. I dont want to pick something "boring" but equally dont want something outlandish.

OP posts:
Kingsparkle · 05/07/2023 10:57

I think your reasoning for wanting a change is sound and James is lovely but I would also sign up for a free trial with an Ancestry type site and have a poke around your family tree. You might find a name that you connect with. My family tree has some brilliant names that I wish had been passed down to me.

Clarinet1 · 05/07/2023 11:02

In a similar vein to Phoenix, what about Restart or Renaissance? Or something a bit random lie your favourite food?

Amdone123 · 05/07/2023 11:11

I've had a Google.

Corleone - meaning lionheart
Starling
Amaryllis - new, fresh start
Hemingway - I love this.

Names meaning strong ;
Ekon ( of Nigerian origin)
Armstrong
Ethan
Hardy - meaning bold.