Hey everyone, this might get lengthy but I appreciate any insights given...
Been married to husband for 9 years. 2 dc, 8 and 3.
My parents bought a house for us to live in, initially paid rent to them for 5 or 6 years, (maybe bit more) then my parents stopped that and told me to put money into a savings account.
Admittedly not every month money went in and sometimes only a bit went into the account due to various reasons like childcare costs, bills etc.
After dc2, maternity pay wiped me out, 500 pm to cover what my usual wage did, I struggled massively. During this time I wasn't putting any money away.
Also covid hit around this time too, when returning to work I ended up isolating 3 times which impacted wages too.
Husband was putting approx 800 in joint account where most bills came from and food etc, however Ive always been the one to pay childcare, activities and little things like savings. I get most of birthday and Xmas presents for kids and relatives too.
After dc2 maternity, childcare was half my wages, costing approx 500 a month, rest of my wages went towards activities (swimming and gymnastics) paying off credit card etc.
(I'm getting there just felt background needed)
Fast forward to January. 30 free hours kicked in and nursery fees reduced somewhat but still costing 200. Husband brought up finances (can't remember why) and reduced how much he was putting in monthly, so I upped it and put 400 into account for bills, he reduced to 600, which due to everything costing a fortune, just covers everything, I still pay the nursery fees, activities etc so essentially fund alot more than he does.
I work minimum wage, he gets easily double what I do.
I've admitted I struggled for a few years with the rent and f**'d up with it, but now moneys settling, I'm able to put some a month away into that account, however that is literally my only savings so I do need to dip into it when things go wrong, eg car cost a grand to fix last month.
I feel like a massive failure and it gives me such anxiety it's unreal.
(almost there)
This month, husband had hissy fit, said he's not putting money in, eventually transfered 200, so now I'm to find 400 to top it up (which will be taken out of savings) purely so we can eat this month.
On top of the every day battles, this has finished me off.
I genuinely feel done.
I'm drained.
I feel I do everything, I do 90% (if not more) of household chores, I take kids to activities, he's maybe done this once since we have dc1.
I sort food shopping out, do school runs (using my break times at work)
Work almost same amount of hours he does (I work 4 day 9 hours a day, he does 5, 8 hours a day)
If something goes wrong with house, it's up to me to sort it.
I honestly don't know anymore.
We do get on, but I'm struggling. I feel the weight of everything is crushing me and often wonder if calling it a day with OH would help, I've previously looked into financial help and what I'd get would match what he used to provide.
The biggest thing stopping me calling it a day is children and how it could affect them.
If you made it this far you deserve a medal, but thanks. I guess I'm just after anyone to listen, help, tell me I'm the tw*t, tell me I'm not. Anything.