Fed up on holiday

[McYummy]

I work full time in a stressful full-on job. DH is "freelance" but hasn't done more than a couple of hours a week for years which makes his job more of a hobby tbh. He does do all the ferrying to and fro for DS (14) most of the laundry and a fair amount of the supermarket shopping. He also walks the dog daily. He has a nice life, we're comfortably off because I'm well paid. I still carry most of the mental load though (meal planning, family finance management, school activity scheduling, holiday planning etc etc). We've talked about this and I've asked that he try harder so I'm not the only one left deciding what to do at the weekends or where we go on holiday or what we do when we get there. It just never gets done though and I really need to make the most of my time off! We went on holiday recently and while I was in the hotel room researching day trip options because nothing was organized for the day, I thought he was doing the same. Turns out he was just scrolling on instagram again (pretty sure he spends a couple of hours a day just scrolling social media). I lost it. He doesn't understand what the big deal is. I'm so tired. I'm so fed up doing all the thinking organizing and planning at work and at home. If I just stop, my weekends and holidays will be wasted so I'll be cutting my nose off to spite my face. AIBU to go on an organizing strike? Or is there another way that means I don't suffer too?

Why don't you organise a few weekends for just yourself, or yourself and your DS, a half strike.

You can't force him to care about planning things to do, if he truly wants to fill his time off with things to do then a few weekends of not being involved might spur him on.

But honestly, it just sounds like it's not a big priority because he has a lot of time not at work.

You could also tell him that you'll no longer be doing the meal planning and that'll now be his responsibility, you need to stick to it though.

Maybe he doesn’t want to constantly be on the go when on holiday?

sounds like your someone who likes to be busy and have everything planned to perfection whereas he is quite happy to not be.

if your tried then perhaps letting yourself have some downtime with nothing planned would be better

What is stopping him getting a proper job? Apart from the fact that we'd all love to do a couple of hours a week whilst someone else carried the mental and financial load?

One 14 yo DS hardly needs a full time parent at home. He sounds idle (your DH)

Yeah. He is idle. If he was out pursuing work rather than scrolling and listening to records most of the time I’d be more comfortable with the mental load. It feels like I’m living with a retiree 20 years too early.

So what have you discussed with him about his lack of work?

A half strike sounds like it could be an option. It feels mean to plan things for me and DS and leave him out though. Maybe a couple of weekends being left out of the fun will be all it takes.

we’ve Had the “why don’t you look at doing something else for work” chat many times. It usually ends up with him spending a very short amount of time scratching his head considering options then settling back into his comfortable life. We don’t need the money (though of course another income would be lovely) and short of organizing him a job as well I’m just not sure what else I can do.

File for divorce? Tell him bluntly you are sick of supporting his lazy arse? Tell him you have no respect left for a man that can piss about at home listening to music whilst his wife does everything? Tell him you think you might look for a bloke who brings a bit more to the table than he does?

I don't mean to be harsh, OP - but I can see why it's easy for him to do fuck all. Because you will just suck it up.