Advice please DS 16 going on DoE camping trip

[Campintrip]

My son 16 has ASD and is going on an over night camping trip tomorrow with school (DoE). We’ve got all his kit - sleeping bag, walking boots appropriate clothing etc.

We’re packing together. We’ve put his ‘wearing tomorrow’ clothes on his chair so he hasn’t got to think of anything in the morning. He’s put it back in the drawers and replaced with flip flops, shorts, Hawaiian shirt and straw hat. We’ve (his dad and I) explained that he needs to wear the clothes we got ready as he needs to feel comfortable and will be doing a lot of walking.

He’s said no, it’s July, it’s the summer and his outfit is appropriate for those reasons. Despite explaining, reasoning and trying to compromise (maybe you can pack those things and wear them later in the evening outside the campfire), He’s having none of it.

His teacher kindly phoned me earlier to check we had got the checklist of everything needed and ask if he was looking forward to (which he is).

He’s declared he’s not going unless he can wear this ensemble. Not going is really not an option- it’s part of his course and I know he’ll have a great time with his friends but I can’t possibly drop him off at school tomorrow looking like he’s on his way to a Caribbean party.

Any advice?

Are the shorts, shirt and hat not suitable?

Take the boots and socks and change on the coach? Tbh having flip flops with him will be nice at the end of the day.

Can you compromise? Swap the flip-flops for his walking shoes? The rest would be OK, as long as he had the alternative clothes in his bag, if need be?

There is a lot of walking on D of E so he really needs to arrive in the correct kit with walking boots. My DD took flipflops with her for the evenings so that she could give her feet a break, so I would think he could still take those items for evening wear! If it's anything like my daughter's experience he will get a big telling off if he arrives in his choice of outfit!!

Can you talk him into a compromise? Ditch the flip flops and wear his walking boots / shoes instead, that will be fine as long as he has access to everything else in his backpack

Has he not done a practice expedition? Is he proposing to take hiking boots as well? In which case leave him be! Otherwise have his proper kit in the car with you and let him rock up in what he wants. I doubt they'll let him on the coach unless they know he has decent boots at least.

I think pack his walking boots and let him go as he is. Tell him to swap into boots if he needs to. Pack lots of compeed plasters

He needs to take his boots at least. The shorts & shirt, he'll manage. But it's really not fair on the others in his group if he only takes flipflops and can't continue after walking a mile or so. No boots = no trip.

Not going is really not an option- it’s part of his course

I'm stuck on that. Why is it compulsory?

The kids who don't have ASD know that they have to wear certain types of clothes, it's one of the rules. They have to carry waterproofs even if they would rather climb into a grave than wear them. It's the only time they will let selves look like (such) dorks in public and worse, in front of peers.

So why is your son insisting on unsuitable footwear when every other doE kid knows what kind of shoes are the only sort allowed, what kind of clothes to bring. I am having a does not compute moment. Did the organisers not explain to any of the kids?

As a fellow mum of an autistic teen who never dresses appropriately I feel your pain. Mine likes to check the weather online and dress for that instead of the actual weather outside 🤦‍♀️ but loves rules. Maybe get a packing /wearing list? Or Google what to wear on a DofE camping trip?

I don't suppose the organisers/teachers will let him walk in flip flops. Hopefully he will realise they're not appropriate when he sees the other kids in boots
I very much doubt there will be room to pack his boots in his rucksack, so if he insists on leaving the house in flip flops carry the boots and socks in a carrier bag then he can pack his flip flops (they are definitely a good idea for wearing at the campsite) after he's changed into his boots.

He has to wear walking boots. That is non-negotiable. I don’t think he’ll be allowed to even start the hike if he turns up in flip flops. The rest of his outfit is probably ok.

Boots are non negotiable. Does he understand what he is actually doing for the next 2 days?

Whats wrong with the shorts? Have you got some quick drying shorts he could wear? What about the teeshirt under the shirt?
OR (and this goes against all my limit the weight suggestions) a full set of clothes in his pack?
DS1 had clean socks, but no other spare clothes last weekend.....

Print the kit list and give it to him to read.
The kit list should have a what to arrive in and how to pack the bag so the heavy stuff is in the right place in the bag and can accommodate group stuff like tent.
YouTube clips of people doing their DofE expedition in the past and ask him to count how many wore flip flops.

Does he know about the Tics, Clegs and ten ton of nettles he'll walk through? That's why he needs long trousers and boots in July.

@lljkk I'm guessing you haven't spent much time with autistic kids!

All teenagers tend to hear only what they want to hear, and hope to bend inconvenient rules, especially any rules that make them "look" especially uncool.

However, The clothing & equipment expectations are spelled out forwards backwards & sideways to the kids in my experience. Repeatedly. The kids all grumble together about the rules at length, but realise they have little leeway so acquiese, because what's what doing DoE means, you have to follow those rules. What you're saying is that ASD kids especially want to ignore & bend the DoE clothing & equipment rules, that ASD kids especially dislike following strict predictable explicit universal often-repeated rules.

That may not go down well with all the non-ASD DoE kids who have had to comply with the rules, grumbling, but still following the rules.

Pack the boots, then otherwise leave him to it.

DD packed cheapest (£5) plastic sandals, feet got hot, did half her Duke of Edin. Bronze wearing them.

Wtf are you on about?! Children with asd don’t understand the world the way nt kids do. The fact that nt kids get the rules and the reasons for them is completely irrelevant.

@Campintrip im sorry, I actually laughed when I read this- it’s so exactly the kind of thing my son would do. He will not accept it being hot if it’s cloudy and goes out in a jumper and sweats, but if the sky is clear he can only wear a T-shirt and sun cream even if he is cold 🤷‍♀️

I’d do my best to explain about the boots being 100% non negotiable, maybe he could call/message a friend and ask them what they are wearing? Otherwise take him as he is with his proper clothes in a bag and hope he sees reason when he sees the other kids going. Good luck!

Thanks for the replies some are quite interesting 😂. We are all aware of the rules and what the list is and have everything prepared. I’ve since switched the clothing back to what he should be wearing and he hasn’t moved it which is promising. He’s currently dressed as a farmer wearing a checkered shirt and some braces (which apparently are called ‘suspenders’ on Amazon which he likes the sound of) so I think he’s moved on from the Hawaiian theme for camping trip.

@lljkk I'd stop if I were you are all you're doing is highlighting your ignorance

Op - all you can do is reason with him some more. Would the teacher be able to explain to him? Can you show him the kit list?

Your other option is to let him turn up as he wishes to - if he really won't be moved - and I'm sure the teachers will put him straight before they get on the bus

He has to go in boots/proper walking shoes it is not fair on the leaders or other participants to wear impractical things, sure no one cares on the Hawaiian shirt

Take all the clothes and boots you had as well as his current ensemble and let the teacher do it. For some reason if I say - nope put your boots on it’s non negotiable- as a teacher they are on in 5 minutes whereas the parents can say the same thing and and diddly squat happens.

Could he wear his flip flops to start but have his boots and socks hanging from his rucksack? Would the pain/discomfort drive him to change?

He’s aware of everything, his teacher went through it with him just like we have, he understands the rules, just having difficulty processing why they are applicable in July.
I think it will all be forgotten in the morning- if not I’ll just take a separate bag with his relevant clothing and walking boots and I have no doubt once he sees his teacher and friends he will quickly change his mind about what he’s wearing. They have about an hour or so at school before the coach arrives so I am confident he will comply during that time, if not first thing when I wake him up.

Stubbed toes, maybe a sprained ankle....

Hopefully the lad will realise that the footwear requirements aren't really that weather dependent, they're to protect his feet.

Best wishes for tomorrow morning OP! One way or another it seems it will be a learning experience.