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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bloody housework 😬

12 replies

Biscuitsandpizza · 04/07/2023 19:39

DH & I both work full time, in well paid jobs, however, his role, particularly at the moment, means he has a LOT of free time throughout the day. Some days he might have a couple of hour long meetings, others he might do 2-3hrs work, and that's it.

He does all the cooking, and weekly online shop, I do the washing for us and our two kids (both sporty so tends to be a lot of sports kit to wash on top of school uniforms, etc.). The rest of the housework gets done as and when, but I'm starting to feel pretty resentful that he doesn't do more. I have to ask him to vacuum each day (we have dogs), despite me working all day, and him being sat in the garden all afternoon having done a call in the morning, and perhaps also been to the gym. He also complains about mess, but rather than just doing a quick tidy round each day, he'll just leave it...and then start complaining. We both clean the bathrooms, him probably slightly more frequently than me at the moment, but again, I have to ask. I do 75% of one of our DS's school and sport drop-offs/pick-ups (across 6 days a week), he does 100% of the other's - 2 days a week).

The thing that I hate the most is that when I do ask, it will always result in a row, and comments like "it's not my fault you have to work more hours than me".

I suppose the AIBU is, is it unreasonable of me to expect him to do more around the house due to his role only taking up 50% (at most!) of the hours mine does?

YANBU - DH should take on a bit more and do it without fuss
YABU - DH is right, and it's not his fault he doesn't have to work the same amount of hours

OP posts:
User19844666884 · 04/07/2023 19:43

I’m dying to know what his job is now!

In theory my job should have quiet periods like that but, despite being in a senior position and regularly headhunted, whenever it goes quiet I get imposter syndrome and find more work to do.

User19844666884 · 04/07/2023 19:43

YANBU by the way!

Biscuitsandpizza · 04/07/2023 19:51

User19844666884 · 04/07/2023 19:43

I’m dying to know what his job is now!

In theory my job should have quiet periods like that but, despite being in a senior position and regularly headhunted, whenever it goes quiet I get imposter syndrome and find more work to do.

Haha I'm the same, bloody imposter syndrome!

OP posts:
Sarah180818 · 04/07/2023 20:00

Can you afford a cleaner? I wouldn't be without mine! Life changing! Save conflict?

Biscuitsandpizza · 04/07/2023 20:10

@Sarah180818 we could, I'm more in favour, he's more against it (we've had them in the past and he hates the pressure of us having to tidy before they come, although kids were a lot younger then, so would probably be more manageable now)

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 04/07/2023 20:12

How old are your children?

PineappleLatte · 04/07/2023 20:12

Get a robot vacuum as a first step. So much easier.

Biscuitsandpizza · 04/07/2023 20:18

@GrazingSheep both mid teens.

OP posts:
Biscuitsandpizza · 04/07/2023 20:21

@PineappleLatte that's a good idea! Thanks!

OP posts:
Goldbar · 04/07/2023 20:43

It sounds like he has relatively high standards, if he complains about the mess. But he's lazy so he wants someone else apart from him (you) to sort it.

I think I'd leverage off this by just not doing things as it sounds like he'll crack first. If he starts saying 'it's such a mess in here', my response would be 'I know, shame neither of us has time to sort it but feel free if you find a moment in your busy schedule'.

My H has certain tasks that absolutely need to be done otherwise he can't relax, and I must confess that I leave those entirely for him despite any complaints as it's one of the ways I can make him pull his weight.

Caroparo52 · 24/09/2023 21:35

Get a cleaner. Most are a bit shit but if you can get past that and
accept that majority of housework will be covered then win win. Get cleaner who will tidy up and iron too

EdithStourton · 24/09/2023 21:52

When DH worked far, far more hours than I did, the lion's share of the domestic load fell on my shoulders and I thought that was fair. I only got cross about it when he seemed completely oblivious to how long it all took and complained that I hadn't yet painted the spare bedroom and that the hall floor was covered in the DCs' toys.

So, given that you work more hours than your DH, he should be stepping up and doing a LOT more than - and not need nagging about it, either.

So YANBU.

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