Does your dh tell you that you look nice?

[Blofelt]

Because mine doesn't. Ever. I've put on weight since menopause.

About 10 years ago a friend of mine thought I was flirting with her dh (I wasn't, friend is an alcoholic and was drunk) and sent me a really horrible text saying I was a frumpy country housewife. I've never really got over it.

My self confidence is zilch, even though I get ny hair done, wear nice clothes and do my eyebrows/wear make up etc.

Just feeling sorry for myself!

Looking good is mostly about confidence and attitude, imo.
If you fade unto the furniture then your dh isn't going to notice.
How about deciding what looks good about yourself (ie. the hair/clothes) and pointing it out to him?
Tell him he's lucky to have you.

You might start to realise its true. X

How was he when you started dating?

Do you tell him HE looks nice when he does?
My DH only seems to mention it when I have had to tart up for an event, when I know that I have been looking a lot better on other occasions, and look more like the style he actually likes, but I don't think he even think about it 😂

You can tell him that you feel down, and need a supportive partner.

Yes, all the time!

Mine does (and I am overweight and getting on a bit, fwiw. Your mean friend would scorn me). But I tell him he looks lovely as well.

In both directions, I would say it's an expression of affection and a recognition of having made some effort, more than a literally truthful assessment of how fantastic either of us looks to the average passer-by

I spoke to him about it last week. He asked if 'I was fishing.' I felt a bit stupid so didn't day anything else.

Dh always tells me I look nice, when I get dressed up and make the effort. As do I him. Even though I've put on weight. This is bad, he's not affectionate and you have confidence issues, both of which need addressing.

But you clearly have a need for him to tell you these things. So communicate that.

If he asks are you fishing, you say yes, I'm starved for compliments and looking for them because you dont give me any... speak to him about what it is you would like/expect from him.

That must really hurt OP. YANBU at all. I have been married nearly 30 years DH always compliments me.

Yes, often. I mean he does also teasingly say I’m squishy or gross but it’s not in a mean way and more than balanced out by the times he calls me beautiful or pretty. He should be building you up not knocking you down. Is he lacking in affection in other ways too?

Did he used to compliment you or did he show his affection/love in other ways? Do you compliment him?

Some people have different love languages to their partners - my DH isn't particularly good with spoken words but he shows his affection in other ways.

Yes he does. We have been together for 23 years. And he still tells me I’m beautiful and gorgeous and look sexy. I have put on a lot of weight becuase if perimenopause.

Im sorry ur husband is like this. U deserve to be treated like this. A quick question. Do u tell him these types of things when u think he looks sexy. I know I do. And I know he really appreciates it. So maybe start by saying it to him?

Gosh that should have read u don’t deserve to be treated like this. Sorry.

Yes he does. Although my five year old is a much less bias critic, she’ll happily tell me if I look good or bad 😁

I probably say it too much to my wife... Good question above, when did you last say the equivalent to him?

Yes. All the time. I look horrific. I have put on a lot of weight. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. He tells me he fancies me now more than ever but I can't help but think he's lying, but he is consistent. He can't win though as I'd feel pretty shit if he didn't say it.

Yes all the time and I him .

Yes.

Every single day.

Even though I've gained over 5 stone since we met (currently 35 weeks pregnant with DC2) he makes me feel great. Xx

The fact your H doesn't pay you compliments says more about him than ot does about your appearance. There is always something positive you can say about a person if you want to, and the fact he chooses to say nothing means he either doesn't feel its important or is a bit mean spirited and is withholding on purpose.
And please try to see the comments from your friend for what they are. A drunk insecure woman lashing it out with a cliche that made her feel less threatened. If she can paint you as dull and frumpy she can convince herself you're not a rival. It doesn't mean it's true.

Not really. He says things like "nice top" which could mean I look nice in it, or just that it's a nice top in it's own right 😂

My DH tells me I look nice/sexy even when I'm in older clothes and no make up on. If I get dressed up to go out with make up on he always looks at me and tells me I look beautiful. Your DH sounds like the reason you have low confidence.

How do you tell someone they're gross without it being mean?

Like saying, oh you’re so sweaty and gross when cuddling in the summer then snuggling closer. Or moisturiser is known as slime in our house and DP playfully avoids it, so if I’ve just moisturised my face/put on lip balm and kissed him, him pretending to be put out and saying I’m gross and slimy 😅