Reasonable adjustments

[100percentcotton]

I am in Scotland. I have sole power of attorney for welfare and finance for my father as he has dementia and sadly no longer has capacity although he still lives at home on his own but with lots of support from carers etc. I have two siblings. One lives near to my father. I and the other live 2-3 hours away. When either of them has to pay for anything for my father, I ask them to upload a scan of the receipt to a shared folder on Google Drive and I reimburse it immediately from my father’s account.
One of my siblings uses this system without a problem. But the other one says they don’t want to do this. They say they have a disability which prevents them being able to use the shared drive and they want to send the scans of receipts directly to me as attachments to emails.
I have explained that there are several reasons why this is not suitable, including the capacity of my email inbox - in the latest batch covering 6 months, there were 30 scans of receipts in 10 separate emails. Surely dragging and dropping a file to the shared drive is actually much easier than attaching a files to an email 30 times and sending it!
However they say that because they have a disability, I should make a “reasonable adjustment” by accepting their receipts by email. They say that I am in breach of the disability equality act if I do not accommodate this.
I understand that a person with a disability does not need to justify their stated needs, and I do want to make things as easy as possible for my sibling, but I do not believe that their disability actually prevents them from using the shared folder as requested. Their disability does not prevent them from reading, writing, walking, talking, driving, or typing angry, rude and sarcastic comments to me and my other sibling on WhatsApp. I know too that they have adult family members in their house who are fit and could and would help them if necessary. I am also aware that they fiercely resent the fact that I was given this role and they weren’t so there is more going on here than might appear on the surface.
AIBU?
Do I need to be worried about the scope of the Equality Act in my capacity as Power of Attorney?

generally I would say to be accommodating and find an way of doing this that works for you both. For example, Dropbox has an “email in” feature, so if you used that for the file sharing they could still use email to send things, but you could access them through DB instead.

however I agree it’s a bit odd that they can use email and all sorts of other tech but not Google Drive. I’m also not sure all the equality act and reasonable adjustment stuff applies to what’s basically a personal family matter - you’re not their employer, and you’re not providing a service. They might have a case against GOOGLE for Drive not being accessible tho...

So I do wonder if they are taking the piss a bit here cos they resent the whole thing and email is more convenient or easier for them, rather than Google being impossible. Is your relationship good enough that you can talk to them sensibly about what would work for them AND you? Or if you’re fed up with them you could suggest they sue Google for Drive not being accessible…

Thanks @Daffidale Relationships have been rather strained for some time and have worsened as my sibling does not seem to be able to accept the deterioration in my father's condition. The carers who see him every day report daily on how he is, and my sibling who sees him once or twice a week says they are wrong or exaggerating. My other sibling who sees him once a week confirms that the carers' reports are accurate.
I will look into Dropbox and see if that would be a solution thank you.
Thanks for raising a smile at the thought of suing Google!

While it comes across to me that your relative is being an arse, I'm also that person for whom the using of things like drop box, teams etc is beyond them.

I don't have a computer, and it's really hard to do everything on my phone.

If there's an email in system, then they can be taught to do that. It sounds like something I'd actually manage.

Sorry to say but this just seems like such a non problem to me. I was actually genuinely confused as to whether this is a serious post or not. I thought it was a wind up as it seems like such a ridiculous thing to post about. Honestly I would just let it go, let them upload the receipts however they like, does it really put you out THAT much?! You said in the last 6 months the receipts were spread out over 10 emails. So?! Yeah it might be irritating having to open 10 separate emails but does it really matter?! I couldn't be arsed getting the hump over this but then I'm a very laid back person so maybe that's why.

I think you’re being unnecessarily awkward. They email you the scan of the receipt. You pay it, then delete the email. Why is that a problem? If they’re paying so many bills, they’re dealing with stuff on the ground on a regular basis. Acknowledge their contribution and facilitate it.

I think you should just be thankful they are sharing the care and accept the receipts in the emails. Sounds like they live nearest and visit the most frequently.

Receive the email, you upload the document, and just delete the email
Simple. No drama required

If you don't know what their disability is, then you can't possibly know how it impacts them and what can help them. Saying you 'don't think their disability prevents them because x y or z' is uneducated at best, malice at worst.

It's not for you to decide what they can and can't do, it's up to you to either agree to a reasonable request, or not. I think what they're asking to do is perfectly reasonable, and won't prevent you from, well, anything. Just because you feel it makes things a bit more hassle for you, is not a legit reason to refuse to reasonably accommodate them.

For example, I have m.e/cfs. One common symptom is brain fog. Unfortunately for me, it's quite severe, has gotten worse over time, and severely impacts me. It means I struggle to take in new information and learn. As a result, at the grand old age of in my 30's, I can not for the life of me get to grips with cloud, dropbox, data sharing etc, and as a result of not understanding it properly, become very anxious I'll share something I haven't meant to, with people I shouldn't. I use email as I understand it well (having learned it a long time ago as a child), and can use this without a struggle. Trying to figure things out that I can't understand on a computer, takes me a very long time, and leaves me with migraines, and flares up my exhaustion levels - and I'll need to do it all again the next time because of the impact of struggling to take in new information.

This would not happen with a person who does not suffer my disability. Therefore, being able to send it via an email instead, prevents a flare up of my symptoms and would be a very reasonable request to accommodate. To have to do it the way you're requesting would leave me at a disadvantage (ie: it's known it flares up my condition and will make me poorly).

A reasonable adjustment for a disability doesn't mean a person can't do something. It means that the adjustment will help them do it easier, and have access to do the same tasks as others. In your case, sending the receipts is the task. How they do it is inconsequential to you, you still get the receipt, but probably consequential to them in how it impacts them. Not everybody who has disabilities is trying it on. Most of us absolutely hate it, and even worse, when people not only don't understand but refuse to try to understand.

Lastly, I've no idea what disability they have and it doesn't matter. It's your sibling. Stop being a dick. No one should have to give you these examples to get you to understand disabilities and why they can do y x or z but not something like online sharing.

If you're using WhatsApp can't they just take a photo and send it there?

I also think you could save the angst and just save the receipt to the folder, reimburse, delete the email and move on. It’s just not something worth making an issue of, in my view. I totally agree they are being awkward but it’s easier to just ride above it.

I think they are possibly being awkward, but you most definitely are. So long as you get the information, I really don’t see how it matters.

I would tell them that sue to the amount of emails you receive that emails from them will be dealt with on a monthly basis whereas receipts received through Google drive will be reimbursed within 24 hours.

You’re being an arse I’m afraid. Let them email them to you. If you then want to use some sort of drive/box then you can simply drag the attachment into whatever system you have set up then delete the email.

This should not be an issue at all. I’m assuming you don’t like them and are trying to be difficult since you’re making such a mountain out of a molehill.

Jesus you live far away and yet they both have to come to you to get costs reimbursed? That’s a pain in the first place.

Your email capacity is neither here nor there. Because you can open it and put it in the drop box then delete the email.

The way you and the sibling are going on is like you are their employer.

I take it this is the sibling that’s also doing the most in terms of visiting, taking on extra care.

You write off their ‘struggling to accept how bad he is’ as though that’s neither here nor there and simply an opinion they have formed to cause you issues. It’s really hard for some people to accept the decline in a loved one. Not because they want to annoy their sibling, because it’s genuinely hard. You have accepted, great for you. But they aren’t you.

Your post comes across as really lacking in empathy and has an air of ‘it’s my way or no way’.

Your system sounds very formal and unnecessary. If you want to have it uploaded to Google drive just upload it there yourself from the email. If that's a hassle consider that you're happy for the others to do it and why they may object.

Thanks for all your replies and I get what you are saying.
It was impossible to put all the background and detail into already long post.
I consider that my prime responsibility is to my father. Before my father's diagnosis, and when my sibling had access to his bank card, my father appeared to be withdrawing more in cash than he had coming in from his pensions. I spoke with him gently about this and he was perplexed and could not account for the money. Now that my sibling no longer has access to the card, this has stopped completely.
To protect my father and also myself and my siblings, I needed a robust way of making sure everyone got money back that they had spent on my father's behalf. I began to ask for receipts and my sibling objected to this from the outset. They said they didn't know how to scan them. I said send them by post but they never appeared. My sibling then somehow learned to scan them and started sending fuzzy photos of receipts that were crumpled, torn and coffee stained sometimes with no explanation.
Now that I have set up a more straightforward process, they are complaining about that too.
If my post appears not to be empathetic it was perhaps because I was trying to keep the considerable emotion I have out of it. Dementia is a cruel disease and it is very very hard for me not to be closer to my father to be able to help him more directly and I know my other sibling feels this too.

You appear to be inferring your siblings have been stealing from / taking financial advantage of your father, but this may not be the case. Can you not minimise these items by setting up Direct Debits, direct payments etc. What are they paying for?

Well, I don’t know what’s really going on here but I’d like to suggest a different perspective.

My mum has dementia. I spend more time with her than my brothers and do a lot for her. It’s a burden, on my time, physically (housework etc), and emotionally. My brothers don’t see how much of a burden it is.

Initially, she and I went shopping together, or I would pick things up, or order things over the internet and she would reimburse me. It was all stuff she needed or wanted and she has little enough pleasure in life - I wasn’t going to deny her treats bought with her own money.

Then it became clear she couldn’t manage money herself, and my brother, who has POA took over her finances. I’d buy what was needed and he would reimburse me.

He and I have a good relationship and he doesn’t expect to see receipts.

But, telling him how much I’d spent every week did make me more aware of how much I was spending. I’d think, good grief, have I really spent that much? So I started being more parsimonious and buying mum less treats. And when I have one of those weeks where she runs out of everything, and a few unexpected bills come in, I do feel he’ll wonder what on earth I’m spending it all on.