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Original poster

School rewards

12 replies

Excitedannie · 03/07/2023 20:49

I need to know if I'm being precious and unreasonable.

DD13 - in the three years she's been at the school, not one detention, red zone, homework handed in on time every time, no uniform warnings. Glowing report, glowing attitude (according to parents evening. Never once late.

School awards came out today for a ceremony in two weeks time. Same. Old. Names. Always the same high achievers - the confident ones who speak up and speak out. My daughter is gutted. I know how I sound, but the school does this alllll the time - there is a huge demographic of pupils who are hard working but just get on with it who are seemingly overlooked. None of the reward stuff (experiences, tea with the head, representing the school etc etc) is based on measurable criteria and im sick of it. They are even the ones who get "drawn out of a hat" for trips.

I really want to email them but my DD would kill me, but I'm left with a "what's the point" attitude from her. I know it's about building them up for life outside of school and I hate the sense of entitlement that lots of kids seem to have now, but, quite frankly, I'm really pissed off and not quite sure how to vent (apart from here!!!)

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 03/07/2023 20:55

But you said yourself that there’s a huge demographic of children who are like this. Surely turning up on time, wearing the right uniform and not getting detention is the bare minimum of school life. It’s brilliant that she’s like this, but it’s nothing exceptional is it, there will be hundreds of students like this. I was one, obeyed the rules, was never a scallywag but equally was never anything special academically. They can’t give an award to everyone that turns up and behaves.

boysmuminherts · 03/07/2023 20:56

I guess it depends what the awards are for. If it's Top 10 reward points, then presumably your DD just misses out and comes in 11th or 12th. Bad luck. If it's best in Maths, English, Geography, etc then it's very difficult to be the top in a subject. It doesn't mean she isn't all of those things you say. Keep encouraging her, it sounds like she is doing very well. Focus on the excellent report.

Original poster
Excitedannie · 03/07/2023 21:01

Thanks and I totally agree.

But that's the thing - none of the awards are for measurable accolades. It's for things like "most kind", "most improved", "helping with the magazine", or things like taking part in parents evening - but the same pupils are asked to take part!

I get what you're saying though - those standards are expected but then there are the children that get rewarded because they've remembered to do their homework for a whole month because it's so out of character etc

OP posts:
thatsnotmyna · 03/07/2023 21:02

We had that A LOT in primary school. Basically I had two invisible hard working kids.

But secondary school has totally changed that. They have a learning behaviour level given in every single lesson and rewards for homework. My invisible DS was on the school honours roll in his first term, rather than waiting until June or July to be blimmin Star ⭐️ of the week!

We've been lucky with the secondary, they're very much about wellbeing being a route to academic success and seem to know the kids so well.

NuffSaidSam · 03/07/2023 21:04

It's hard, but it is a good lesson for the future. If you want to succeed you need to stick your head above the parapet /stand out. Being on time, smartly dressed and doing your homework like the vast majority isn't enough if you want accolades. It'll be the same at university and at work etc.

Nothing wrong with crusing along through the middle, but you can't expect to be a prize winner/get the promotion/be employee of the month.

Original poster
Excitedannie · 03/07/2023 21:08

thatsnotmyna · 03/07/2023 21:02

We had that A LOT in primary school. Basically I had two invisible hard working kids.

But secondary school has totally changed that. They have a learning behaviour level given in every single lesson and rewards for homework. My invisible DS was on the school honours roll in his first term, rather than waiting until June or July to be blimmin Star ⭐️ of the week!

We've been lucky with the secondary, they're very much about wellbeing being a route to academic success and seem to know the kids so well.

That's interesting - it's the complete opposite for us! Secondary has been awful. That's a good way of explaining it - there are so many invisible learners. There are the high achievers who get noticed and rewarded; and then the less achievers that get rewarded for actually doing expected behaviours. Then there is this whole "invisible" layer in the middle and that's what annoys me

OP posts:
Original poster
Excitedannie · 03/07/2023 21:09

NuffSaidSam · 03/07/2023 21:04

It's hard, but it is a good lesson for the future. If you want to succeed you need to stick your head above the parapet /stand out. Being on time, smartly dressed and doing your homework like the vast majority isn't enough if you want accolades. It'll be the same at university and at work etc.

Nothing wrong with crusing along through the middle, but you can't expect to be a prize winner/get the promotion/be employee of the month.

That'd a really good way of looking at it and I will use these examples with her

OP posts:
CatsWithSmiles · 03/07/2023 21:12

We can't all be speshial.

If your dd is getting good grades and meeting the excreted standards of behaviours, she is doing great. Let her find her 'thing', something she is passionate about, is it art, music, nature and sustainability, a sport? Let her experience finding her path these awards are usually pointless. Kids should want to learn for learning's sake not to get a well done sticker.

Your dd sounds diligent and competent. But she is not among the top 5% yet. She may well get there if she finds her passion and becomes outstanding at it. Not everyone can be outstanding in all things.

LolaSmiles · 03/07/2023 21:14

I was going to say it depends what the awards are for. I don't think meeting school expectations would be an award-worthy achievement unless there was something extra in the background(which is probably where the most improved comes in)

Most schools I've worked in have done a mixture of enrichment awards, pastoral awards and academic awards. Once a pupil is given one of the awards they are taken out of the pool for the others.

Most schools I've worked in have praise systems with rewards attached and remind staff to make sure that the praise points are given to the well-behaved majority routinely to recognise them, not just to reward the minority for not shouting out for 5 minutes

In your situation I'd speak to the school, not about the awards, but how they are making sure that the hard-working, well-behaved majority students feel recognised and valued.

CatsWithSmiles · 03/07/2023 21:18

I had no idea there a awards for kindness in secondary school. Primaries do it and makes sense but in secondary it's infantilising.

Original poster
Excitedannie · 03/07/2023 21:22

LolaSmiles · 03/07/2023 21:14

I was going to say it depends what the awards are for. I don't think meeting school expectations would be an award-worthy achievement unless there was something extra in the background(which is probably where the most improved comes in)

Most schools I've worked in have done a mixture of enrichment awards, pastoral awards and academic awards. Once a pupil is given one of the awards they are taken out of the pool for the others.

Most schools I've worked in have praise systems with rewards attached and remind staff to make sure that the praise points are given to the well-behaved majority routinely to recognise them, not just to reward the minority for not shouting out for 5 minutes

In your situation I'd speak to the school, not about the awards, but how they are making sure that the hard-working, well-behaved majority students feel recognised and valued.

Great response, thanks. Interesting about the winners being taken out of other categories - that doesnt happen. Some of them go home with two or three. And I think reading through these replies (which are great by the way!) has made me realise that I'm honestly not "but what about MY daughter!?" - it's more about the unfairness of it always being the same few.

Love the idea about asking them about how to make the majority feel valued. Thanks!

OP posts:
BananaOrangeApple · 03/07/2023 21:34

unfortunately the same thing happens in the adult world! Who wants dinner with the head? Sounds like a punishment to me. I’d reward her in your own way.

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