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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to help with baby when ill as well?

24 replies

sofedupwhatdoido · 03/07/2023 20:16

Name changed as don’t want to link to other posts.

we have a baby, I currently have come down with d+v, i can’t eat and I’m throwing up constantly today, now water because I can’t face eating.
dh randomly isn’t feeling great either, not sickness but thinks he has flu.
both not at work today - his day off and I’m on leave.

baby is hard work, and I’ve sorted everything because he won’t help. I’ve done baby breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, put on blanket to play and tried to entertain as far as I could without getting too close all the time, I did bath and bed time. No other help from other family as not available.

tried to get DH to help me and his responses were literally “i don’t care” and “I’m so over having a baby” and has just slept and ignored us.

feeling really upset because I feel on eggshells around him today because he’s in a mood and I feel awful myself. Im the only who’s throwing up and on the toilet. Not eaten because I can’t. I even said maybe I can’t go work tomorrow and he went “why” he knows full well I’ve been sick and got mad at me when I said what the hell do you mean why?

its been a hard adjustment with a baby, trying to work with him as a team but he’s just so moody.

yabu- to expect both of us to help with baby
yanbu - DH should pull his weight too.

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 03/07/2023 20:18

YANBU. He sounds the opposite of a keeper.

If one of you is ill, the healthy one does everything. If both of you are ill, you share the work.

Blobblobblob · 03/07/2023 20:21

Well he sounds nice. He's "over" having a baby?

Are you not "over" putting up with this selfish man child bullshit?

PriOn1 · 03/07/2023 20:22

Is there any actual evidence he’s ill at all?

My ex would always mysteriously become unwell if I was sick.

And to leave you to it when throwing up is despicable. I’ve had to care for a baby through tonsillitis with a raging fever, but I did it because that’s parenting.

If he’s so over having a baby, maybe he’ll understand why you’re so over putting up with him.

Quartz2208 · 03/07/2023 20:29

Blobblobblob · 03/07/2023 20:21

Well he sounds nice. He's "over" having a baby?

Are you not "over" putting up with this selfish man child bullshit?

This he sounds awful - parenting isn’t something to be over

nocoolnamesleft · 03/07/2023 20:30

If your DH is so over having a baby, are you so over having a "D"H? Wouldn't blame you.

Blinkblank · 03/07/2023 20:31

Why the fuck would you stay in a relationship with this man?

UpaladderwatchingTV · 03/07/2023 20:33

Disgusting behaviour on his part! I don't often say this, but for goodness sake OP, tell him that you're 'so over' him and his moods, and if he's not interested in parenting, then better he goes now, rather than continue to make life harder for you and your child by staying! What an arse!!

TeaKitten · 03/07/2023 20:34

He doesn’t like or care about you, and he doesn’t want to have a baby. So your relationship is over really, very tough time for you but you are much better off getting out of the relationship now. Hope you feel better soon OP

Noicant · 03/07/2023 20:35

No-one who loves you treats you like this. Even if he’s not keen on the baby he should be keen enough on you to not want you to suffer.

ToWhitToWhoo · 03/07/2023 20:38

He's 'so over having a baby'? Well, tough; the baby isn't going anywhere! The last possible time to be 'over having a baby' was with a condom, 9 months before the birth.

I think you should consider a divorce, quite frankly. Looks like you're going to be essentially a single parent, even if you stay together,

Hatscats · 03/07/2023 20:38

Wtf - “over having a baby” he needs help!

Purplecatshopaholic · 03/07/2023 20:40

Blobblobblob · 03/07/2023 20:21

Well he sounds nice. He's "over" having a baby?

Are you not "over" putting up with this selfish man child bullshit?

OMG, this! He’s a parent ffs! Time to get rid op, you’ll be happier I guarantee it.

Coolblur · 03/07/2023 21:17

Well now you know you will cope on your own even when you're really unwell what is the point in keeping him around?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/07/2023 21:21

YANBU what a selfish prick he's been especially when you are ill. It's so tough for you x

Justmuddlingalong · 03/07/2023 21:25

So today has proven to you that you can cope with a baby and d&v all on your tod. Cut the deadweight loose he's bringing nothing to the party.

BreadInCaptivity · 03/07/2023 21:26

Justmuddlingalong · 03/07/2023 21:25

So today has proven to you that you can cope with a baby and d&v all on your tod. Cut the deadweight loose he's bringing nothing to the party.

This.

He's excess baggage.

Cut him loose.

amispeakingintongues · 03/07/2023 21:43

I'm so sorry OP. His behaviour is shocking and hurtful, sounds like he's pretending to be ill too.

Can you ask anyone to come and help you care for baby?? I'd leave that waste man.

Makemyday99 · 03/07/2023 21:49

I’m always shocked & sometimes in genuine disbelief when I read threads like this. If this is genuinely true you honestly don’t expect anyone to say yabu do you? I don’t know where these men exist, I’ve never met one let alone know anyone who would breed with them

Mammyloveswine · 03/07/2023 22:25

What a fucking horrible excuse for a "DP"... hope you feel better soon.. does baby normally go to childcare? As you speak of missing work? If so, still send them and rest and recover.

Rosecutting · 10/12/2023 08:46

@Noicant
No-one who loves you treats you like this. Even if he’s not keen on the baby he should be keen enough on you to not want you to suffer.

This^ 100%

Rosecutting · 10/12/2023 09:19

Op, when he feels better and you’re better too, expect him to be all sweet and apologetic and he’ll give the excuse it’s because he wasn’t himself due to illness ( never mind that you were more ill).

He’s comfortable in a set up where he can have free sex and someone to take the general burden of life admin so he can chillax.

He apologises because he doesn’t want to lose this comfortable arrangement.

You should at that point take huge note that he showed his true colours when you needed him most. He let you suffer.
Take note that he’s been moody and you’re treading on eggshells unless he’s getting his way with things.

Then consider, in terms of childcare, how you can manage without him.
If he says he wants 50/50 agree with him.
Its often a tactic to try to control you, but he won’t actually want that if he’s “ so over the baby”
Get him out of your life so you can focus your energy on you and baby.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Hope you feel better 💐

BusyMum47 · 10/12/2023 09:43

He actually said he doesn't care & he's 'over' having a child?!

Then you need not to care & be 'over' him.

Get rid. ASAP. He sounds like the worst kind of tw@t. He's not going to change & it'll just be easier alone.

Justfinking · 10/12/2023 09:46

YANBU, your DH is a total ass, pretty despicable really. I'm sorry you're feeling poorly and hope you get well soon. There's nothing worse than having to look after a baby when you are sick, you have my sympathies

Whataretheodds · 10/12/2023 09:46

And you are MARRIED to this Prince? Jesus.

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