For getting house valued without DH knowing

[Ducksinarow876]

Dh and I are on verge of separating. I'm done being emotional, mentally & verbally abused and know it's over. We barely talk and are pretty much in separate rooms anyway. Neither of us have actually said it though

I want to get the house valued so I know where I stand as its likely we will have to sell it. The children will probably be with me more of the time due his working patterns so I want to know what I am looking it. But I don't want DH to know I'm getting it valued just yet. Is it wrong to get someone round to look without telling him. I wfh but he's in the office this week on days (normally works nights so it's impossible then)

I also put a significant amount more down as a deposit when we brought so I want to see what with any equity I would be entitled to

Any thoughts?

YANBU.

As you are married whatever the amount you paid into the purchase of the house is irrelevant, I believe. It will usually be a 50/50 split 😢

I think it's fine, it's not like you're putting it on the market without telling him. Did you get legal advice at the time when you put more down for the deposit, to check you'll be able to get it back if you do end up parting ways?

YANBU - anyone can get their home valued. But your input into deposit is irrelevant assuming you’re married a decent length of time. 50/50 split of all assets is the starting point.

50/50 is the starting point for negotiations nothing more. I put more deposit in. Divorce has been signed off roughly 70/30 split. I also earn a lot more. Had the house valued under the pretence that we were discussing moving or doing an extension so needed to know what we could get as additional borrowing

Yanbu but if it's a foregone conclusion why not just discuss it? How would you feel if it was the other way round?

It makes sense to get an idea of what the house is worth, given it's likely to be your largest asset.
Start talking to a selection of divorce lawyers on your position with the deposit.
If nothing agreed in writing about division of assets, I suspect it's likely to be a 50/50 split, but use that process to assess the solicitors and start shortlisting who you'd want to use when you get to the divorce stage.

Surely it will be a 50/50 split.

You have ended the relationship yet and so I’d do it with his knowledge to prove to him about how serious you are.

Is he violent?

If so do not get the house valued until you have separated and he’s living out of the house.

It might be 50/5o split although I think we out something in the contract when we brought the house that the first xx amount comes to me in the event of a split due to the difference in what we put in. But I can't remember. So I will be seeking legal advice as well.

He's not physically violent but verbally and mentally. Today he has been screaming in my face while i was holding my youngest (9 months) because I forgot to message someone

YANBU getting it valued.

Surely you can remember if you legally protected your bigger deposit/investment? If it wasn’t done properly, then you may have to kiss it goodbye, depending on the other circumstances.

Maybe get some legal advice this week too?

Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your kids. And don't even feel bad about it! Take the chance while you can.

It will depend how often he has the kids, all housing needs will need to be met.

Pre nups are not legally binding in the U.K. currently, although they are being taken into consideration in certain cases (particularly in short relationships, or where the circumstances remain greatly unchanged - such as no children coming along, illness etc.)