Teens first holiday abroad without me

[Patchforpatch]

I know I’m being silly and I have to cut the apron strings but my son has gone on holiday with a large group to Spain. It’s his first holiday abroad alone. He’s 19 but I can’t stop worrying. I’ve resisted the urge to call and to my surprise he FaceTimed me to say hi. Am I being unreasonable to text him once or twice between now and Saturday when he returns home? OH says I’m being protective and to leave him alone.

You can text him. But, I'd say don't necessarily expect an answer!
I went abroad (to Corfu) without my parents, with a friend, when we were 18 & 19. We had a great time; went dancing, swimming, drinking - but also went to look at archaeological ruins, went to a local town market, etc. Balanced, and looked out for each other every day/night.

I think the odd message wishing them a fun day and asking after any exciting plans etc is fine, just as long as it isn’t “please let mummy know her baby got home from the bar safely or I won’t sleep” type messages, and you don’t get worried if no response is received because he’s sleeping off a hangover or just too busy.

You are not being silly at all. I would be exactly the same. I don't think a text or two is unreasonable. Would you worry even more though if he didn't reply? If there are others with him you know and trust i.e they will all look out for each other try and leave him be. I have a 17 year old and I worry when he goes off and does things too but sometimes I need to let him fend for himself and not check life 360 constantly or I drive myself mad!

Although on second thoughts, if you’re actually this worried about him, maybe no texting, on the likelihood that no response would have you worrying even more. Just rationalise the reality: he’s at no more risk of harm in Spain with a group of his friends than he is in the UK with a group of his friends, which he presumably does all the time and has done for years.

I think you need to consider how you will feel if he doesn’t respond. Will it make you feel worse if you don’t receive a reply? If you’re just going to text to say “Glad you’re having fun. Stay safe” that’s fine IMO. If you’re going to declare your concerns or worries and expect a response then YABU. I get how difficult it can be: my youngest is the same age - but you’ll feel better by channeling your energy elsewhere.

My advice would be not to text.
Imagine how you would feel and how worried you would be if you got no reply- say he'd unfortunately lost his phone!

Thanks. I will be worried if there’s no response. I might check in midweek and accept that he might be too busy to reply. It’s really hard. I feel lost. Keeping busy at work but feeling unsettled.

Bloody hell, it's a sad day when you can't text your son! Just text him and say hi, hope you're having fun. Weathers rubbish here so enjoy the sunshine. He'll reply I'm sure. He FaceTimed you didn't he?

You could text but then perhaps you will worry more if you don't get an answer. I have two DS, early twenties. I just tell them before they go that I worry about them but don't need a conversation just a pic every couple of days would be nice so i know they are ok. So far they've always done this and it is easier than thinking I'd something to say to mum. Perhaps something to try next time.

This is currently me although it's not his first time. I just check on find my friends he's at his hotel when I wake up and that is about as good as it gets to help with the worrying. I worry about alcohol, sunstroke, quad bikes, the sky falling down, you name it...

@ilovegoatscheese totally me right now. Fretting that he’s eating properly, wearing suncream and not drinking too much. I’m sure I’ve developed a few more greys lol

Absolutely text your son. Don’t text questions then you can convince yourself your message didn’t require a response if you are a worrier. A nice “Hi son, hope you are having fun. Love you.” Is a nice message for him to receive to let him know you haven’t forgotten about him too. I’d be surprised if he didn’t text back.

I suppose if they get burnt once then they won't forget cream again. They won't forget to eat. They will drink too much.

It's lovely that he FaceTimed you op

He won't eat properly, unlikely to put suncream on at all times, and will probably drink too much. He's 19 and on his first holiday with friends!

My son had a few abroad hols age 18 last year and has just come back from Thailand aged 19. My 18y girl is currently in Greece with a group of friends.

We have texted each other on our family chat. Kept it light-hearted and they have even sent the odd photo.

Yes I worry inside. But this is their time to explore the world and feel invincible. I won’t crush that with my anxieties. Text him and good luck!

YANBU OP. It’s our job to worry.

My dd is going away with Uni and will be off the beaten track. I feel ill thinking about it. It’s going to be a long time to mid September!

My DD1 has just come back from a hol to Greece. She face timed a couple of times and sent the odd pic / Snapchat to me and her sis.

I am not a naturally anxious person but did think of her and worried a teeny tiny bit

I agree with your DH. You need to leave him alone. I mean, you'll still worry but don't bother your DS!

I've "set free" two sons so far. I still worry about them 🙂

when I went away at a similar age there was no way for my parents to keep in touch with me! I'm not sure the availability of easy communication is always a good thing TBH.