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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my 12yo to do these 'chores'

31 replies

mysparkleismissing · 02/07/2023 22:54

For context he thinks I'm being too strict and it's too much

  • he keeps his room tidy(ish)
  • puts his washing in the laundry basket pretty much outside his door
  • flushes the toilet
  • tidies after himself (takes his bowl/rubbish in from the sofa)
  • empties the dishwasher every few days
  • does his homework
  • doesn't
3 spend the entire day on a screen
  • goes to bed at a reasonable hour (generally by 9) if not tired then read/draw/colour
  • no screen before 7am
OP posts:
Original poster
mysparkleismissing · 02/07/2023 23:20

StrawberrySquash · 02/07/2023 23:13

I think you need to have a talk about how running a home is work and it quickly degenerates into chaos if you aren't regularly keeping on top of basic day to day stuff. And all members of the household have to do this. Obviously when he was tiny you did a whole load of things he couldn't do, but at 12 he's quite capable. He's 2/3 of the way to university!

Woah that is a scary thought!!!
I explained this to him today during our conversation to resolve his issue and try and make him feel heard.
That I'm asking him to do these things and the extra bits cos some weeks I'm out the house for 14 hours a day at work.if I get home and he's emptied the dishwasher and hung the washing out I can crack on with dinner/whatever

OP posts:
whatsinanameeh · 02/07/2023 23:22

That's the bare minimum my 11 year old with SEN has to do. He also does the recycling because I'm afraid of the spiders in the garden bin shed and feeds the cat in the morning 😁

Original poster
mysparkleismissing · 02/07/2023 23:23

NuffSaidSam · 02/07/2023 23:13

If anything it's too light a list.

The only thing I think is a bit harsh is the 9pm bedtime. I think that's really early for a 12 year old....and then colouring in if he's not tired?!

It seems like you treat him like he's a lot younger than he is. Are there any areas where he wants more freedom/responsibility? You could use those to bargain on the house stuff. He needs to take more responsibility (flushing the toilet!!), but maybe along with that he needs a bit more freedom.

Forgot to address the freedom. He does get a fair amount, not complete freedom but he can go to the park and to friends houses or into town. He isn't restricted in that way really I don't think... its progressing naturally as long as he does what we agree with keeping in touch and being home when we agree etc. We're doing okay on that I think. Unless I've misunderstood you.

OP posts:
Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/07/2023 23:23

Well My 10yo does those things along with;

Setting the table every day.
Clearing away their dishes after meals.
Walking the dog - occasionally alone, mostly with one of us.
Putting away clean clothes left on his bed.

Ad hoc tasks like pressure washing the garden, painting the fence etc.

Original poster
mysparkleismissing · 02/07/2023 23:33

Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/07/2023 23:23

Well My 10yo does those things along with;

Setting the table every day.
Clearing away their dishes after meals.
Walking the dog - occasionally alone, mostly with one of us.
Putting away clean clothes left on his bed.

Ad hoc tasks like pressure washing the garden, painting the fence etc.

Sounds far more reasonable

OP posts:
Georgeandzippyzoo · 03/07/2023 01:40

Ds14 had an electronics ban and was trying to get in good favour. Tidied kitchen, hoovered floor, put rubbish out. The following day...
Ds : I tidied the kitchen yesterday.
Me: yes I know
Ds: its already messy again.
Me : yes I know
Ds: well I'm not very happy about that, because i spent time tidying it up!
Me : (not able to keep.a straight face !) Welcome to my.world, won't you step inside.

A factual conversation as to how, and why, i feel.like that nearly everyday!
BTW he's still talking about it 3 days later

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