Marriage

[Lillabetty]

Me and partner have been together for 6 years 2 kids together 4 and 5months. I've always had trouble with my mental health has got worse over the years due to PND ( I am getting help)

AIBU to tell me partner I'm unsure on the relationship anymore because he said we aren't and most likely never will marry because of my mental health. Marriage hasn't been on the forefront of my mind at all but hearing those words broke my heart

he would like to get married to me one day but I ruin our progress towards marriage when I have a mental health episode
Good grief, he’s even blaming you for your mental health relapses! How dare you ruin your “progress towards marriage”!
I think he’s likely to be part of your problem to be honest. He says some unkind things to you, and he’s using marriage as some kind of prize that he might award you if you’ll just choose to stop having mental health problems.
Can you speak to your midwife and GP again to see if there are any other options for treatment? When you get back to work (which might help you feel better anyway), does your work provide any access to counselling services?

I hope you can get your preferred form of counselling, OP, but online counselling is better than it sounds.

I am so glad you are moving forward!

Hmm maybe he is questioning the relationship, which is fair enough. But you should do the same. Take some time apart, figure things out, he doesn't sound nice but I'm also not sure what "mental health episodes" means.

Do you feel that your mental health might improve without him breathing down your neck?

In any event I'd start to put a plan in place that would allow you to leave him. I'm not saying that you should definitely leave him, but it's better to be in a position of strength and have the option. As it is you seem to be entirely dependent on him and subject to his mind games.

Oh OP, I fear some of your mh issues will resolve once you are no longer with him. He is compounding them rather than supporting you. He might have been wonderful in the beginning but it sounds like he is caring a little less each time. Maybe he is withdrawing purely to protect himself, and that's okay, but in the process he is making it your fault, and that is not okay.

Please reach out to your GP or HV, and be honest with them. They can't signpost you to the relevant services if they don't know all the facts. A relationship breakdown will be affecting your PND and it needs to be taken into account.

Hang in there

He's defensive about you talking to his mum because he's worried you're going to say things that aren't good about him - ie the truth.
He playing mind games with you OP and it's the last thing you need when you have PND. Tell his mum what an arsehole he's being and tell her to take him back or go stay somewhere else yourself that is supportive if you can.