AIBU to feel so guilty

[robloxo]

… when people do nice things for me? I just feel so guilty whenever anyone tries to do anything nice for me. Nobody to my recollection has ever made me feel as if I owe them anything in return either.

My parents are paying for parts of our wedding which amass to over £5000. It feels like a lot of money to me, but I accept they are at a different life stage and are comfortable now they have no mortgage whereas it seems like a million pounds to us who are just starting out in life. My ILs helped us with moving house and have put a lot of time into helping us with things. My friend let me borrow something when mine had broken, even though it probably inconvenienced her not having it for a week until I got a new one. I seem to be unable to gracefully accept support from anyone and instead it makes me worry I have taken advantage of the person, I think some of it stems from the fact we don’t have a lot of money and deep down I really do feel incredibly grateful that anyone would want to spare their energy, time or money to make my life easier - all three of which are precious and could be used to benefit them. I always feel like I owe anyone who helps us the world! Nobody seems to understand this, especially not the people who help - they just say don’t be daft, we want to do it, etc.

Has anyone felt like this before and how did you get over it?

I think, as you get older and your circumstances change, you find yourself in a position to help out other people and expect nothing in return. You just come to realise that people genuinely like to be able to help out when they can, whether it’s helping loading your van on moving day, bringing a meal round if you are laid up, or paying for something they can easily afford but you cannot. Just accept graciously and pay it forward when you can.

Thank you for this

People like to help, it makes them feel good. Accept help in good grace and let the givers see you enjoying the gift. They'll get that lovely warm feeling. Return the favour as you can, it doesn't have to be of equal monetary value. A bottle of wine for your parents to say thank you for the money, a homebaked cake for your friend out of the blue.