To cut contact with my sister

[Toffeelover]

I married 4 years ago to a very difficult man, whom I have now separated from.I have 4 sisters, 2 of which helped me plan the wedding party a day after the actual wedding.
On the wedding day, which was small, ( 30 guests), my family table comprising of sisters got very drunk and rowdy and heckled my husband during his speech.
At one point he turned to them and said “Shut the fuck up”.
The wedding was emotional after that, one of my sisters and my eldest son (then 18) were in tears.
We got home to find we’d been burgled and our car stolen.
My sister who was upset and who I had paid to organise the wedding party, decided she was too upset and offended by my husband to attend the wedding party, even though she was in charge of all the logistics. I should also add that I was suffering from Shingles at the time.
Her bf told my husband that she would only come if she had an apology, which my husband dismissed.
I messaged her begging her to help me as I couldn’t manage without her. We’d been up since 2am with the police sorting the burglary and had 120 people arriving at 6pm.
She never responded and never turned up.
I subsequently blocked her and avoided all my family for a while.
My son, is angry with me, he never liked my husband and says that I should see her side and make up with her, but she’s made no real direct attempt to contact me.
I feel the betrayal of letting me down so badly when I needed her is something I can’t forgive.
I should add that she has a history of sabotaging me and I don’t really miss her in my life.

This sounds complicated and also highly dysfunctional on all parts.

I think your son is right.

It was never about you, it was about your ex.

Listen to your family and especially your son.

You have bridges to rebuild by the sound of it. I mean if you want to cut contact then that's up to you but I'd be more interested in what your son has to say.

She didn't sabotage you. You married a dickhead who couldn't put anything ahead of himself and you chose him over her.

Why would you not listen to your son? Also I think you need some talking therapy to unpin this difficult part of your life.

You went ahead and married a guy that your sisters and own son clearly didn't like and didn't want you to marry.

She had shingles (really painful!) and didn't even like the guy so it is not actually surprising she didn't turn up!

And guess what?! They were all right!

So YABU... your sisters and son wanted what was best for you and you didn't listen.

It's the OP who had shingles

I'm not sure why you rushed into the wedding 4 years ago when you were unwell, your own son didn't like him and he sounds like an unpleasant character. Your ex should have been sorting out the party, not your sister who'd just been sworn at publicly by the groom! It's very positive that you've separated, but you need to unpick how you got to that point and why. Address whether to be annoyed or understanding with your sister only once you understand what drove you to marry that man.

The reason I say that is that sometimes the roots of poor self esteem lie in a bad childhood, and your sister may be a part of that and culpable for your troubles, or she may be struggling with similar issues. It may equally be just that your ex ruined your self esteem and also influenced your view on your sister's behavior to such an extent that you reach to blame her unnecessarily. Perhaps she just couldn't bear everyone to celebrate you marrying that man? It's impossible to know at this point whether she is a positive force in your life when your character assessment ability has not been functioning well. So my advice would be to get counselling and start to consider what's in your own best interest from a clean slate.