*I was going to try and make this short, but also tried to be as clear as possible, so apologies for the detail and length.
I've not been back home (overseas) to see my parents in 5-6years. They always bring us loads of lovely things when they visit, and send us all a bit of money for Christmas / birthdays each year. I'd rather not send money back to them for gifts because it just seems like a pointless exchange. I used to try and order things online to be sent to them in their country and have tried sending gifts from the U.K. to them back home in their country. But it's very expensive to ship and takes months to arrive. In the end I stopped buying and sending gifts all together because I didn't always have the money during the holiday period or it made me anxious sending things off never knowing if they were going to arrive.
In the past couple of years I started buying little things for them (candle holders, ornaments, picture frames, personalised mugs, etc) that I knew they would love in anticipation of bringing the gifts back with me the next time I visited home. Not really very high value items. I don't always tell my husband each time I do it. But leading up to our trip home this summer I've got the items out and all together in one place. He's made several rude / snide comments to me about me buying gifts for them. Mostly due to the fact I (as in me personally) 'can't afford it'.
For example today I called him from the super market and asked if he wanted me to pick up anything for his parents who we'll also be visiting (he said no). Over the phone he started giving me the 3rd degree asking why I was there and what I was getting for my parents (3 tins of soup my mum asked me to bring her valued at a total of £5.25!). I explained she'd asked me to get them for her (I was happy to buy and bring them!)
When I got home he starts lecturing me again saying "I know you want to buy all this and impress your parents, but you don't really contribute to the bills enough and you shouldn't really have the disposable income for this stuff when you're not contributing because I'm subsidising for you every month."
I make quite a low - modest salary take home roughly £1750/month. £600 is transferred to him for our mortgage, £300 of it goes to a loan for our house extension, some goes into my life insurance, some to a credit card bill, and a bit into my savings, and then I take £300 for my own personal expenses like meals / nights out, a weekend away with a friend and our children, personal items like cosmetics & hair products if they need replacing, clothes, the odd time I get a massage or something (1-2 times a year max) some food if I'm out, gifts, etc. This is the money I use to buy the gifts for my parents as well as any gifts for him.
He on the other hand owns his own business, which brings in enough income to cover the rest of the mortgage (£1100 in addition to my £600), our one car, and to put our children through private eduction, his gym membership, cover regular monthly bills such as food, children's activities, most of their clothing (I do buy some with my income as well). On top of that he also spends between £150-£500+ a month on his specialist hobby. He claims "it's the only thing that makes him happy" 🙄 He's also able to write a portion of our expenses off on his business.
After he has a go at me about me spending any money and how I don't contribute enough or equal to him (he always puts me down for how little I contribute and only says I contribute a fraction of the mortgage) I try and rebuttal back to him by saying he makes way more money money than me, but he argues with me and throws it back in my face denying it and saying he doesn't (how the hell are 'we' affording everything then!?!)
This has really wound me up. So, back to the original question:
AIBU for spending my spare income on gifts for my parents (I did buy 1-2 things for his mother as well, and he has too) or should I be giving it to him to put against our bills? I get I don't earn very much (something he regularly reminds me!) but do I not have a right to keep a small portion of my income to put against things like this or spend as I choose?
Really, I think he's just bitter that I've bought my parents little gifts over the past few years and not for his mum 🙄