Nc for this one.
So Dh is usually very good, very hands on and very respectful. He's a bit more sweary than I am but I have no problem with this provided he's swearing in general and not at me if that makes sense. We previously had a conversation about this and I was very clear with him that swearing at me especially in front of our ds is a huge line for me and he agreed and acknowledged why this was important. I never ever swear at him and am generally very measured even when annoyed.
Dh has wrecked his back and is in a lot of pain at the minute. I've suggested physio and painkillers and he's declined both which is up to him, I'm refusing to nag about it. Yesterday we were meant to be going out for the day and I was aware he was still sore and maybe didn't want to go out. So I asked him what he wanted to do today. He said he didn't know he'd see how he feels in a bit. So a bit later I asked again. He then snapped at me and told me to stop f-ing asking when he said he didn't know. Our baby was in the room at the time. I told him not to speak to me like that and I'm just trying to work out what I will do with my day if he would prefer to stay at home and rest. He huffed out of the room and came back in a few minutes later and apologised and accepted he was out of order and I accepted that.
Then this morning his alarm went off for work at 6am. Its his day off. It woke me and I ignored it. Then it went off again 30 minutes later, at which point ds who is still in our room starts to stir so i said "have you somewhere you need to be?" Granted I was sarcastic but he'd stayed up later until after 2 watching TV and then woken both me and baby coming into bed. Since i ebf if baby wakes up its my job to feed and resettle while dh gets to go straight back to sleep so I was tired and grumpy. It's worth noting this happens most mornings and pisses me off no end because sometimes I can't get baby back over so then I'm up for the day from 6 whereas normally ds would sleep until 7 or 8. He turned round angrily and told me to 'f- up tired, just f- up" and then rolled back over and went back to sleep.
I was so annoyed I couldn't get back over so that was me up for the day. I spoke to him at lunchtime about it (not avoiding him just was busy with the baby and was waiting until things were cooler) and he feels he was not BU and it was my fault for being sarcastic in the first place and won't apologise until I do. I feel that I was not BU and he should be the one to apologise. This is out of character for him and I know it's because he's in pain with his back, but I'm taking over all household duties and looking after the baby while he's resting and I don't feel I should be his verbal outlet when he is in a bad mood. I have never and would never speak to him like that so I don't feel that I'm asking for anything that I don't give myself. Was I BU? This isn't a LTB situation as he is generally great but I'm not sure how we move forward if we're at an impasse because I feel like I need the apology from him.