Sick of the silent treatment

[L1342]

I really just feel upset and frustrated. Not sure what to do and thought I'd post here just to see if anyone had any advice, or maybe needed tough love.
Ex and me very recently split (weeks) and it has been difficult. At first he didn't want the split and now he just won't speak to me at all. We make plans for him to see daughter and he just doesn't show, won't reply to texts or calls. I ask him if he would like to facetime her and he'll text me saying no and that it has only been a few days since he last saw her so doesn't think he has to. I invite him to do things and he'll just not respond to me for days, while posting pics and vids of the two of them together.
Laying aside the fact that I'm upset at how he is treating me, I feel upset for baby. Luckily she's only 15 months so to her it's not upsetting but she was used to seeing him in the evening. Yesterday evening, having not seen him in a few days, she went to the front door and was mumbling dada and I just felt so sad. I didn't tell him this because he would have only accused me of trying to guilt trip him. To be honest if it wasn't for her I would have blocked him and never spoke to him again as he just has no respect for me.
He claims that he's not seeing her more because he doesn't want to see me at all. Doesn't want to facetime her because he doesn't want to speak to me, even after I said I wouldn't speak to him. He has said he wants nothing to do with me, that he'll be taking me to court, the usual spite.
I think I should just stop reaching out now. I haven't text him about anything not baby related but I'm sick of the rejection I feel from the lack of response and I'm tired of the silent treatment. I really am starting to hate him because I feel like I just keep getting my feelings hurt over and over again and this is why I should probably stop reaching out and toughen up. I just need to let go of the vision I had of how we could do this in a friendly way.
Any advice on how to handle this?

Ignore him until he wants contact. Stop making the first move, you’re trying too hard. You can’t force him to see your dd. He sounds like he isn’t particularly interested in seeing her, so let the contact drop. Don’t message him, why should you make the effort when he can’t be arsed?

I wouldn’t want him near my child if it was me what a prick that is

I know, I need to stop texting him first and when he doesn't show. I have just been hoping that he would be interested in still seeing her and facetiming. He claims that he's only not seeing her because he "doesn't want to be anywhere near me". I haven't done anything? I initiated the split but that's it. I know I need to stop, the olive branches aren't being appreciated.
I'm done, I'm not reaching out again. I just feel bad for our daughter. How can he just change so quickly?

Stop inviting him to things, or forcing contact

contact him and tell him you will wait for him to contact you about visiting your daughter, but will need notice as you can’t guarantee you won’t be doing something

then crack on without him and let him do the running

Another for stop.

Stop asking him to show up, parent, call, FaceTime, whatever.

It's not your responsibility. If he doesn't, it's on him. You're giving him the control by chasing. Once you stop he'll show up or show his colours.

Either way, no longer your problem.

You want him to adore her, like you do. He clearly isn’t particularly bothered, stop killing yourself to facilitate contact. Keep the messages you’ve sent for proof of the effort you’ve put in. He’s clear very resentful of you (how very dare you dump him?!) but is now being a wanker when it comes to contact. Sulky little boy.

Well he has just text me back from this morning saying
“I want to see my child but I can’t because I don’t want to be anywhere near someone like you”
“This isn’t an excuse, I just can’t f*ing stand you”
“I just can’t do it, I can’t be around you for even a minute”
when I asked for the third time what I had done I received
”I don’t even want to get into it”.
I have now replied saying I’m done putting myself through this and he can text me when he wants to see her or FaceTime.
How can someone after years of being together just be so cruel? I’m so annoyed at myself for being upset right now. I wish I was one of those people that could brush this off and feel fine

To be fair, it doesn't matter what you have or haven't done. And if he's letting anything you haven't done interfere with seeing his daughter well he's an absolute bell end.

Someone told me years ago and it stung at the time, 'take the emotion out the situation' and she was right. I now try to remember this when I'm struggling to get through something.

Stop asking what you've done wrong. It doesn't matter. You could have shagged his Dad but it doesn't matter a dot.

Crack on with your life and let him work through HIS shit on his own.

Your OP says 'at first he didn't want the split' and 'now he won't speak to me at all'.

It does sound like you are the one that decided to end the relationship - and are now complaining that he ignores you trying to message him, get him to see DD, texting and calling.

I think you need to leave him alone, frankly. If he wants to see his DD he can arrange it. What he doesn't want is you continually trying to get hold of him - and it's unreasonable to say you now feel 'upset' at what he's said to you. You are the one that dumped him, by the sound of it.

Sorry to be harsh - but it sounds like you want everything on your own terms. Yes, he might be behaving badly - but it sounds like he's hurt and trying to deal with the break up of a relationship he didn't initiate.

Thank you, this is what I think I need to do. Just need to be more resilient I suppose and better at looking passed the emotional side of things right now really.

Expecting men to parent their offspring is now wanting every thing your own way.

Jesus the bar is low for men.

OP drop the rope. He's using your attempts to facilitate contact as an opportunity to verbally abuse and hurt you. He's using your child as a weapon. He's a bad person and a bad parent.

Keep a record of your attempts and his shitty responses.

He's the one missing out and your kid won't benefit from having such a dick as a role model anyway.

MrsRickAstley's post really does say everything that's needed to say.

I can see your point but I definitely haven’t been continuously calling him! Just when he has supposed to show up and hasn’t or to try and arrange something.
I don’t want everything on my own terms. I’m not asking for a lot for him to turn up when he says he will, see his daughter a decent amount and treat me with some respect and have some manners. He should communicate what he needs, so we can work out things together.
Thank you, as you have given me a new perspective, I can see now that he’s probably upset at the break up and acting out and this is probably why he can’t tell me what I’ve done wrong.
I have told him now that i won’t be reaching out now and I expect the bare minimum of manners or I won’t respond.

I know this will anger some mumsnetters, but this would be my choice:

All too many times they will resort to playing Mr Nasty and Mr Sneaky.

Continue offering opportunity to maintain contact and a relationship with his child so he cannot later claim you blocked his access. Keep copies.

Capture every single time he says he doesn't want to see her, doesn't have to see her, doesn't want to see her if it means seeing you bla bla bla. And any threats and insults at all.

Whether that's via text, WhatsApp, messenger, email, in writing - keep it all filed and logged. You may need it.

And avoid phone conversations, keep things in writing - but record and file any phone conversations you do have.

Keep your own language (written and spoken) polite, businesslike, factual. Calm tone of voice and volume.

Keep a journal of all interaction with him. Dates, times, incidents. You shouldn't have to but it is valuable in case you need to argue against attempts to take her. Or to smear your character and reputation.