Is this taking liberties or should I chill out?

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This issue is apparently sorted out with the person who upset me and she apologised but I sense she thinks I'm being unreasonable and I wonder if I am...I live with my daughter, son in law and granddaughter. We combined forces just after Covid which was a massive change for all of us. I no longer have a property of my own, but plenty of separate private space in the new one. I also have my own garden as well as using the big family garden. I am the only one doing any work in the gardens - but that's ok because I love gardening and my efforts are appreciated. The son in law's parents live close by and come round often - there have never been any problems before and we all get on well. There is a beautiful tall hedge bordering the family garden path full of scented plants. One evening it was commented that the hedge was crowding onto the path and lots of light hearted banter about cutting through a jungle etc. I explained I did not want to cut the hedge back while things were still flowering and scented and the other side of the path is open so people can step off to get by. A comment was made about getting the secateurs out and I said that would be crossing a line. While I was away recently the parents came round to babysit and during the evening, my son in law's mother got hold of my secateurs and cut the hedge back. She threw the cuttings onto a patch where I had some seedlings growing. This has really upset me. I feel this is a breach of trust - inviting someone into your home you don't expect them to rootle around in your stuff and undertake alterations especially knowing you don't want them to. When we bought this house we decided not to give my son in law's parents a key to this house because they had a habit of turning up to the previous one and fettling things while my son in law and daughter were out. Now I understand why. In part this was my reason for my firm response - to make those boundaries clear. She has apologised but I sense she thinks my response was over the top and I am wondering if it was. Thoughts?

She’s wildly overstepped. She doesn’t live there. She has absolutely no business doing anything to anybody’s garden except her own. Outrageous behaviour and then to attempts to minimise it is the cherry on the icing on the cake. Well done for calling her out.

No, you're absolutely not. She was completely out of line.

YANBU

The nerve and entitlement of some people. I don’t like something that is not mine nor I have a say in so I’m going to do what I want anyway.

I’d be giving her a wide berth when possible.

Our neighbour cut off a chunk of our tree whilst we were on holiday. Waay more than was apparently overhanging and I'm still annoyed about it.

I totally get you. They've interfered and potentially damaged something that's important to you. I'd be fuming too. Its like the grandparents who cut their grandkids hair without permission. Overbearing, controlling and absolutely out of order.

Stand your ground. Otherwise they'll do it again when they feel the need to interfere.

I think you are being very reasonable.

I would have been completely furious. She did that deliberately. She talked about getting the secateurs out, you said that would be crossing a line, and she went ahead and did it (and dumped the cuttings on your seedlings as an extra Up Yours).
Thank goodness your DD and SIL know what she's like.

So you said no. And she decided to ignore you

It's a cut and dried case of cf

What does the sil say? I'm guessing no one was there when she did it as she was babysitting?

Anyone who saw her and allowed it to happen would also be mud in my eyes.

She was a massive bitch. Tell her she is not allowed to touch any part of the house or gardens.

YANBU.

I would be deeply upset at this.

I wouldn't care if they think you are unreasonable at all.

She was very rude to this.

If you don't have permission to do this and I would be making this crystal clear to everyone.

I presume you have invested money in this house, making it possible for your DD and SIL buy it?

If so, even more so to stamp this out.

This was very deliberate.

As keen gardeners here, we would both be apoplectic at this.

I'm lost for words what a cf. 😡

Apologies that doesn't make sense.

She clearly didn't have permission to do this, but didn't care and went ahead and took the opportunity.

Deeply offensive.

I would put distance between you.

You may have made a mistake moving in with your daughter if her in laws are so ignorant and entitled.

Do not play down your upset.

This is your home, your garden, that they think they have some right to interfere with.

Take huge offence and make a big fuss about it.

Horrible woman.

Not OK at all. She probably knows nothing about gardening, just thinks everything should be tidy. The fact she can't be trusted with a key whilst you actually live there probably annoys her Op so she was happy to ignore your No, tells herself she's doing it for her Son. Keep your tools locked up and ghe key hidden in future

Was the hedge between your gardens or between the garden and public path?
She had no right to cut it at all, especially as you said no. But if it's against a public path it need to be kept back in future.

Have you asked her how she'd feel if you went round to her house and cut up something she owned and threw it on top of some plants she was growing (effectively killing them?)

Such a bizarre thing for someone to do on another's property (unless her child and one of the owners of the property had given her permission to do so).