AIBU for feeling uncomfortable that my(22f) boyfriend(26m) shares so much about our life with his parents?

[Redrose28]

Hi all. My boyfriend is very close to his parents, who live abroad. He’s previously said that they know everything about him. Him being close to them does not bother me, neither does him sharing general generic stuff about me. I have no issue with him speaking to his parents for as long as he pleases.

The issue is, he shares absolutely everything that we do together with them, including pictures etc. I am close to my own mother, but I don’t share this much. I feel like whatever we do together will get reported back to them. I just want privacy in a relationship, but with him I’m beginning to feel unsafe and insecure in the relationship, because I feel a third party will hear about everything.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Depends what you mean.

"We had a lie in this morning then went out for lunch and off for a hike this afternoon" - I wouldn't have an issue with

How many times you had sex this week, or in what positions, I would

I think you'd have to give further examples. On the face of it, it isn't weird to send photos to your parents living abroad (I do, despite not being particularly close with mine). Nor is it weird to tell your parents what you've been up to.

Unsafe?

It depends on what sort of stuff he's sharing imo.

I'm not sure why you feel unsafe? That's he's not the one for you, sure, that you'd like more peivacy I understand, but what is he saying to actually make you feel unsafe?

*privacy

No. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I presume you haven't met them?

Sounds like he hasn't cut the apron strings.

Well what are some examples that are making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe?

No it’s too much tbh if you had a petty argument it would soon get back inevitable in relationships then you’d be paranoid about what he said to make himself look better etc, have the conversation and say that you don’t mind general sharing but your not a fan of over sharing every detail in your life.

Im very private so that’s why I see that you are not being unreasonable!

Yanbu
My exh was like this . Every time we argued he was on the phone to his mother, who, to her credit used to tell him to grow up and get on with it.

I know exactly what you mean by unsafe.

My husband and his siblings tell their mother everything. I didn't really understand the extent of the obersharing until after we were married, and I realised that he had been repeating my private family information.

I'm in a marriage where I can't ever be really vulnerable and talk to him about my deepest feelings, my family relationships or childhood. So much of what we discuss is quote surface level as I just don't trust him.

He says I can trust him with anything, as I think he now sees how much I hold back and he understands he overshared in the past. However, I think it's more simple if I just don't tell him anything of substance.

Our marriage is good other than this but if I was to have my time again, I probably wouldn't have married him. Emotional intimacy is very important and we just don't have it because I know my in laws will all hear about it. Those unsafe feelings are telling you that you can't have a proper emotional connection with someone who blabs everything. It's not to be underestimated.

I think you need to expand a bit.

If it’s things like ‘we went to x place for dinner/we have been out for the day/here is a photo of us on a walk’ the. I think you expecting him to keep it to himself is odd. Most people talk about things they have done.

You say he shares photos, I am assuming there’s are fairly mundane photos. You two together of a restaurant etc.

If he is talking about something like sex with them, the. I get your point.

I would hate that, it would be a deal breaker for me, I’m a private person too.

As others have said, it depends on what information us being shared.

If it’s ‘we went to the zoo’ then that’s fine.

If he can’t make a decision without them, or they insist on knowing what’s going on, or it’s more private matters, then not fine.

When I phone my parents, I usually give them a weekly run-down of what I’ve been up to. However, I didn’t report back straight after the event. It’s more general conversation.

Surely he won’t be talking about your sex life?

I would have concerns, though, about any possible fertility issues. I made it very clear what could and could not be discussed with in-laws on that matter. Ditto anything sensitive to do with my family.

It implies immaturity to me.

I would be wary as if that need to tell his parents everything continues, I would completely get the Ick.

Being married to a mummys boy is not fun, as is someone who doesn't respect your right to privacy.

Listen carefully to your gut.

I had an ex do this. He shared my personal medical information, our financial information, what we argued about....

It led to me not sharing information with him because I wanted some basic privacy , which killed the relationship.

You need to have a very blunt chat with him.

Don’t get the unsafe bit .

Ah, a redditer.

"Unsafe" seems quite silly and over-dramatic to me, unless his parents are in the Mafia. Uncomfortable is the word the OP is looking for. Since she can't even be arsed to explain exactly what her BF is doing that bothers her so much, it's a YABU from me!

Also I really hate this stupid Reddit style of introducing yourself.

If my family lived abroad of course I'd send them photos.

Privacy is really important to me, so I'd mind very much of my partner told his family things that were intimate or where I'd expressed vulnerability. But I don't get the concern about sharing photos of your life with people he loves and rarely gets to see

He sounds like a man child that can't cut the apron strings from mummy

I wouldn't like his parents knowing all of our business. Talk to him about it, if he continues you'll have a decision to make

He sounds like a man child that can't cut the apron strings from mummy

Odd that mumsnet is full of people who think it's absolutely right for a woman to be close to her mum. But a son close to his mum is a man child.

Sharing information that your partner prefers to be confidential is wrong. Having a close relationship with your parents (and working hard to maintain it when they live far away) is not.

As OP hadn't said what he tells them, and the only specific is that he sends them photos (entirely normal, surely?) there's nothing here that warrants calling him a man child.

Hi all, thank you for the replies. The story is honestly very long, but he has done something which involves telling them about our sex life in the past. We chatted about this issue, but he told me that it was a huge misunderstanding, and that he doesn’t. I am still left paranoid about this, and I am taking the decision to speak to a therapist

@Darkdiamond Very well put.

Have you posted about this before? This sounds really similar to a previous post a little while ago (apologies if you are not the same person!). Regardless if he’s sharing things you’re not comfortable with you need to tell him and then it’s up to you to decide if you’re happy with the response or not. Hope you get some answers you’re looking for or support :) do you have anyone to talk to?