He never compliments me

[NewAmma]

Hi

My husband never compliments me, especially when I dress up. I'm not pretty and very flat (unfortunately pregnancy and bf hardly helped) so I get he doesn't really have a reason to.

It's just that when I do dress up, I feel relatively ok but when he doesn't compliment me it makes me feel like trash.

I know he used to compliment his ex (called her beautiful and sext etc) so it's not a different love language issue.

I just can't help but cry when I think about it.
I've spoken to him before (he doesn't find me attractive etc and he doesn't compliment me) and his reply was that he does and the thought doesn't come to him but he thinks it.

Nothing has changed.
Throughout my whole pregnancy he only made one compliment (that I had brought a nice dress), never you look amazing or you look beautiful with your bump and it really used to get me down.

During the newborn stage I was too busy but now I think and cry about it alot.

How do I move past this?
AIBU stressing about this?
Sorry for the long post.

Yeah I think it’s a bit shit. Especially since you’ve tried to talk to him about it. He needs to make the effort if he knows it’s hurting you rather than say he doesn’t think to say it.
how olds your baby? Parenting takes its toll on both parents so he could also be in the whirlwind of life change, but ultimately that’s no excuse.
I do however believe when you dress up and you feel good and you enjoy it, embrace that! You should be dressing up for yourself and feeling good about yourself, compliments are nice to have but you don’t need to expect them

Know you look good sweetheart, you don't need his approval, it's not the 1950's. My DH is the same but is autistic so never dawns on him to mention it, but if I've made an effort then I know I look good, whether he thinks it or not, confidence is a very sexy attribute and if you have confidence In Yourself, then you got it babe x

My husband isn’t a complimenter either. He just doesn’t think about it, but he used to when we were first together.
It used to bother me, but I have come fo realise that I don’t need to measure what he says, but rather what he does, as a life partner, a father, someone I live with etc.
Too many people in relationships can tell you one thing and show you, through their behaviour, another.

I have the same, I've spoken to his friends who know him about it.

They thought in my partners case his ex was heavily insecure and so he would big her up as he felt secure in their relationship.

They said in my case he feels like he is "punching above his weight" so would prefer not to highlight it in fear I would get more confidence and leave... he does mention he is insecure once in a while.

So it still doesn't make sense in my head.. does it to you? Could this be the case? Trying to keep you down a peg or two to feel he has some level of control? Worried if he compliments you you will think better of yourself and find someone else?

Do you compliment him? If not, try and offer him compliments so it can be reciprocated.

Oh my god ,
my ex did this to me. After a while it feels like they’re deliberately withholding something they know would light you up like a Christmas tree, doesn’t it.
it seems such an easy and small thing for them to do to make a person they supposedly love happy, and yet they are so damned stingy hearted, even a few words are hard to say.
my ex. After I told him my love language is words and it would have me feel so loved and cared for if he’d think of a kind thing to say especially if I made a huge effort, started saying things like “uh…you wore boots.”

as If that’s a kind compliment.

I was done. This was just one tiny sign of his emotional abuse. And before anyone flames me for saying emotional abuse, trust me, there was a LOT more to it. This was just his way of denying me anything that might help me feel good or happy or confident.

I’m so sorry, OP. This doesn’t get better unless you’re with someone who cares to learn what would have you feeling safe, loved, and happy.

Thank you all for your replies.

I compliment him all the time, I tell him he looks good, handsome etc. He will reply 'thanks' and leave it as that.

He definitely does not think he is punching with me unfortunately. I asked him what he saw in me and his response was typical 'kind ,caring and a good mum' - even went as far to say 'looks weren't important to me'. He did quickly follow with 'but you are good looking' when he realised that I'm getting upset. One of the few occasions I've got a compliment (only if provoked it seems).

All my friends husbands/partners seem to have complimented them so I thought it was just because I'm typically ugly.

I have a baby with him now so I don't see things improving lol.

He is punching! My partner use to hint and make remarks on my weight indicating I'm fat!! I grew up with anorexia and know for a fact I'm if anything too skinny! Sounds like power play x