To not want Drunk Uncle around at bedtime?

[Ijustwantapeacefullife]

My husband and I have 2 young children - DS is 2 and a half, DD is 11 months. My husband comes from a family of functioning alcoholics. He's literally the only one who doesn't have a drink problem.

It's common for his brother to visit us while tipsy, but it's usually during the day on a Saturday, and he leaves again after a while.

This evening, as I was putting DD to sleep, and DS was still up, drunk uncle arrives in, absolutely hammered. As in, unable to hold a conversation, pretty much just grunting as a way of communicating.

He starts playing around with DS, chasing him up and down the hallway, getting him all excited, all while I'm putting DD to sleep and bear in mind, our house is quite small.

I got her to sleep regardless, entered the kitchen and quickly realised how drunk Drunk Uncle actually was, and told my DH to drive him home. I just felt the whole scenario was unacceptable. Even though we've had him visit loads of times before while drunk, something about this visit felt wrong. It felt extremely disrespectful to our young family. I got angry for my babies who should be sleeping or at least on their way.

Suffice to say, Drunk Uncle refused to let DH drive him home and also refused to lie down in the spare room. He ultimately DROVE off in a drunken huff.

Now, I am left with the guilt and worry that he might kill himself or others on the road, and I need to know, AIBU? What would you have done?

Dialed 999 and given details of the car.

Hope the bastard doesn't kill, or injure anyone, not worried about him though.

I'd have called the police about him driving drunk. He could easily have killed someone.

I’d have been straight on the phone to the police.
Him drive whilst drunk would have bothered me far more than him keeping DC awake.
I’m having a hard time believing this isn’t a jackanory tbh because nobody with any intelligence would actually let someone that drunk drive off.

I'd have called the police. I'd also have gotten video footage of him behaving like such a dick, to show him when I told him that your family bans him from coming over.

I wouldn't give a damn about him, and after that effort I'd be wanting to ban him from the house altogether. My brother was (or is, haven't seen him in decades) an alcoholic too.

My husband let him drive off, not that I blame him either. Drunk Uncle is much bigger than any of us. If he wants to leave and drive off, he will. There's nothing we can do. Also bear in mind, that alcoholism runs so deep in this family, it is second nature to them to behave this way. I have no idea how my husband turned out so different.

Call the police.

He could kill someone. Selfish pos.

Please tell me you have called the police about this?

Call police with car registration
Ban him from your house
He shouldn't be around your children
What a loser

Update: he is at home.

Right but you don't need to physically stop him leaving (and your DH isn't "letting" an adult leave, they're leaving of their own accord, your home isn't a prison), but you do need to ring the police and make them aware when he leaves drunk with intent to drive a car. My dad was an alcoholic and the best thing that ever happened to him was when he was banned from driving, it was such a relief.

How would you feel if you were out and walking home from somewhere and a random drunk drove into your kids and you found out someone could have stopped them by ringing the police?

He left during child bedtime and just got home? How many hours away does he live?? Jesus.

Ah bless.

Selfish drunken prick can go to Bye byes all safe and sound now.

You should have called the police and he should be in a Cell.

Wtf? He drove drunk home but that’s just an afterthought; the chief concern is that he played with your children at bedtime?

I mean, none of it is okay. But the driving thing is the main concern and you should have probably lead with that.

Of course you can do something! Keeping others safe from a known drunk driver is your responsibility. Fussing about respect for your young family is ridiculous - keep him away but also help to get him off the roads!

Why didn’t you call the police?

There’s a “drunk uncle” character on Saturday Night Live here in the States.
He’s pretty funny. As a character. On tv.

I can’t imagine how awful it would be to have to deal with a real-life drunk uncle.

Maybe a night in the drunk tank would be better than an eternity in the grave.

Does he usually drink drive to and from your house every week?

I would have phoned the police. I say that as someone whose dh also has a lot of heavy drinkers and alcoholics in his family.

You or your dh may have felt too scared to physically stop him but you could have rang the police, you still can and should.

I wouldn't care that my kids bedtime routine was interrupted when there's a much bigger problem of risk to life which you or your dh should have reported as soon as he left your home but you can still do report him now and I hope you do.

Maybe you /DH should try a bit harder to prevent him driving rather than worrying about his visits!!!

https://www.itv.com/news/meridian/2023-06-30/selfish-drink-driver-who-killed-three-people-jailed-for-ten-years

Ban him from your house. Next time he comes over you and your DH need to tell him he's not welcome and why.

Does your DH agree with you that this is unacceptable?
What is his take on all of this?

You need to be on the same page.

And stop letting him in every week when he shows up drunk. We had to do that with mil. She would be drunk seven days a week and I simply didn't want an angry erratic drunk turning up unannounced and ignoring any boundaries like no smoking or vaping in the house.

You can't stop him drinking but you can stop him being an arsehole in your home.

Still report to police stating that he refused a lift and don’t let him back in your house.

Take his keys off him ffs? WHY would you entertain this at all?

Drink drivers disgust me. I have a friend who has raised two children on her own because a drunk driver killed her husband and their dad. The loss to their life has been immeasurable. Please PLEASE call the police when he does this again. Please. If you are worried about the fallout within the family I'd ask you to think about the fallout of your husband going to work and never coming home again when you have a 6 and 9 year old.

The fall out for the kids of drunk drivers (while in no way minimising the trauma and pain of the actual victims) is also catastropic.