Clubs and activities... how much is too much?

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 2023-07-01T22:28:22+00:00

Bit of a thread inspired by a thread.... So many responses on the recent thread about after school activities and clubs said that the kids were doing way too much and implied irreparable harm caused by them being so busy. For context, our house is really small and the kids feel very hemmed in and quickly get a bit stir crazy when we're in the house because we're all on top of each other. So we tend to go out a lot, and when we do, everyone is much happier and gets along much better. Our current week looks like this for pre-schooler (4) and 7 yo. Mon: judo for both, followed by swimming lesson for 4yo and violin for 7yo Tues: Swimming lesson for 7yo (4yo might also go swimming for fun) Wed: language class for both (fun class with singing/crafts) Thursday: dancing for 7yo Sat: dancing for 4yo and tennis for 7yo Homework and reading always completed on time. Kids are given the option of whether to continue with classes when it comes for DD renewal/termly booking and both tmsay they love their classes and don't want to stop them. So... AIBU in keeping the kids so busy with things they enjoy? Or am I scarring them for life?

Timeforsnacks · 01/07/2023 23:38

Doing two activities each after school on Monday seems too much to me..
But if the 7yr olds teachers are giving good feedback that they don't seem like zombies at school on Tuesdays then it must work for your family!
My neice started getting lots of recurring injuries so ended up having to stop one of her sports even though she said she didn't want to stop it. Since then she is way better, I think it was just too much for her body. I guess look out for that kind of stuff and it should be okay. Did you do lots of activities as a child?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/07/2023 23:40

If it's working for you, crack on.

DS is 10 now and we've just reduced some of his activities because he wants time to play with his friends/online/ board games with us etc and gets more homework too. He's out 3 times a week and at his dads one evening so he now has 3 evenings free to chill.

Avondale89 · 01/07/2023 23:41

Bloody hell, that seems like a lot to me but if it works for your kids and your lifestyle then carry on.

Are you able to manage it as a parent without burning out? If all is going well and all parties enjoy it, then I don’t see any issues. Maybe just monitor how they’re coping. I commend you for being able to do that much!

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 01/07/2023 23:51

It's only too much if you can't afford it.

Children finish school at 3 o'clock in the afternoon in this country! How can 1 hour of physical activity after that be "too much"? It's barely enough for children who have been sat down all day, most of them not walking more than 10mn to school, if that.

People are funny. On one side, we hear about "the good old days" when children were on their bike or running around with the neighbours kids until diner time or until it was dark and that's healthy

But 1 hour (or less, how long are the swimming lessons?) of coached sport is "too much".

As long as the kids are happy, it's fine. What else do people want them to do? Go home, watch tv, or read a book until diner time, or do craft nicely? Come on, let them be kids, physical activities are good for you. They would do just the same in private school, but without parents involvement.

Original poster

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 01/07/2023 23:53

DH and I make it work. Obviously it takes a bit of planning but we enjoy watching the kids thrive and do things they enjoy. We're the tired ones 😂 the kids seem to have limitless energy!

No bad reports from school/preschool. In fact they're both ahead of ARE.

Neither me or DH did any activities as children, outside of what was offered by school. I think that was part of out motivation to allow the kids to try lots of activities and give them opportunities we didn't have growing up. It backfired a bit because they love them all!

OP posts:

Knittingflapjack · 01/07/2023 23:57

It all depends on what your kids are happy to do really. My 7 year old is happy to do 5 sports lessons a week on top 2 after school wrap around clubs, but my 10 year old only wants to do 2 sports and 2 after school clubs.

Runnersandtoms · 01/07/2023 23:58

Mine did as much as that when they were younger. Only activities they had chosen themselves and enjoyed.

Now they're older (teens) they've cut back and picked the things they really want to do. Still dd1 does choir and karate, dd2 does dance and D of E, ds does sailing, sea scouts, trampolining, baking club. As long as they're happy and not exhausted it's all good.

UsingChangeofName · 02/07/2023 00:08

Seems a lot to me.
Seems that most of their waking hours they are having things structured for them, and they are having to concentrate and learn new skills.
Personally I think it is important to be able to relax and switch of. I wouldn't want people telling me what to do and teaching me things for all of my free time.

However, it is up to you. We all parent differently. If you are happy to spend that much money and that much time on all the activities (and presumably supporting them to practice each day to, if they are learning musical instruments), then live and let live.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/07/2023 00:32

Depends on your kids I think. Mine (8 & 5) do the following:

Monday: dc1 kickboxing
Tuesday: dc2 rainbows, dc1 dancing, dc1 swimming
Wednesday: drama for both, dc2 Squirrels
Thursday: dc1 football training
Sat: dc2 two hours of dancing (ballet and acro), dc1 swimming
Sun: dc1 football matches

On top of that we go for walks multiple nights a week, dc1 tends to go to the park with friends for an hour after school most days (I'll take dc2 some days too) and we try to go swimming as a family at least once a week. It's entirely their choice. Dc1 is doing great at school. Came home from prize giving with an armful of awards both academic and sporting. Dc2 is about to start school but we have no concerns, in fact she seems to have more energy than dc1. Dc1 did Beavers but Cubs clashed and he picked the other option. They also both did French from 3 but the classes moved online and that wasn't working but we're learning Dutch via duolingo together and dc2 and I are learning my grandfather's mother tongue together.

Personally, I think they've gained so much from their activities. Drama has been fantastic at teaching them confidence, team work and widening their social circle. Dc2 is going into a composite class with some of her drama group who treat her like their little sister. Kickboxing has improved dc1's coordination and physical fitness. Scouting and Guiding in general are fantastic. They've done so many fun things from sleepovers, rock climbing, hikes and making cooked bananas with chocolate over open fires. We can afford it and we can make the logistics work so why not. They do get downtime...tablets, toys etc but dc1 in particular is always on the lookout for new activities because he likes his days structured. We've got a massive list of stuff they want to do in the summer holidays already planned. I presume at some point they'll cut back but whilst things continue the way they are, I'm not intervening.

Original poster

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 03/07/2023 15:07

Knittingflapjack · 01/07/2023 23:57

It all depends on what your kids are happy to do really. My 7 year old is happy to do 5 sports lessons a week on top 2 after school wrap around clubs, but my 10 year old only wants to do 2 sports and 2 after school clubs.

They seem happy to do all of them, and never ask for my to cancel. They would say if they didn't like them, I'm sure, as youngest ditched a class earlier in the year, which I was happy to do as they no longer enjoyed it.

OP posts:

Original poster

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 03/07/2023 15:11

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 01/07/2023 23:51

It's only too much if you can't afford it.

Children finish school at 3 o'clock in the afternoon in this country! How can 1 hour of physical activity after that be "too much"? It's barely enough for children who have been sat down all day, most of them not walking more than 10mn to school, if that.

People are funny. On one side, we hear about "the good old days" when children were on their bike or running around with the neighbours kids until diner time or until it was dark and that's healthy

But 1 hour (or less, how long are the swimming lessons?) of coached sport is "too much".

As long as the kids are happy, it's fine. What else do people want them to do? Go home, watch tv, or read a book until diner time, or do craft nicely? Come on, let them be kids, physical activities are good for you. They would do just the same in private school, but without parents involvement.

I hadn't really thought about it that way. I was probably much more active as a child, going out on my bike after tea for a good few hours, even longer at weekends. And you're so right that this is always commented on as the ideal

OP posts:

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/07/2023 15:13

Come on, let them be kids, physical activities are good for you. It’s not a question of physical vs sedentary activities, it’s a question of the balance between managed and self managed time.

It’s important for children to learn how to manage their own time without direction from an adult

Original poster

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 03/07/2023 15:15

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/07/2023 00:32

Depends on your kids I think. Mine (8 & 5) do the following:

Monday: dc1 kickboxing
Tuesday: dc2 rainbows, dc1 dancing, dc1 swimming
Wednesday: drama for both, dc2 Squirrels
Thursday: dc1 football training
Sat: dc2 two hours of dancing (ballet and acro), dc1 swimming
Sun: dc1 football matches

On top of that we go for walks multiple nights a week, dc1 tends to go to the park with friends for an hour after school most days (I'll take dc2 some days too) and we try to go swimming as a family at least once a week. It's entirely their choice. Dc1 is doing great at school. Came home from prize giving with an armful of awards both academic and sporting. Dc2 is about to start school but we have no concerns, in fact she seems to have more energy than dc1. Dc1 did Beavers but Cubs clashed and he picked the other option. They also both did French from 3 but the classes moved online and that wasn't working but we're learning Dutch via duolingo together and dc2 and I are learning my grandfather's mother tongue together.

Personally, I think they've gained so much from their activities. Drama has been fantastic at teaching them confidence, team work and widening their social circle. Dc2 is going into a composite class with some of her drama group who treat her like their little sister. Kickboxing has improved dc1's coordination and physical fitness. Scouting and Guiding in general are fantastic. They've done so many fun things from sleepovers, rock climbing, hikes and making cooked bananas with chocolate over open fires. We can afford it and we can make the logistics work so why not. They do get downtime...tablets, toys etc but dc1 in particular is always on the lookout for new activities because he likes his days structured. We've got a massive list of stuff they want to do in the summer holidays already planned. I presume at some point they'll cut back but whilst things continue the way they are, I'm not intervening.

I suppose this is how I view it too... the benefits of the structure and busy-ness outweigh the negatives, for now. That may not continue to be the case in the future.

Also, like your eldest, mine thrives on routine and really enjoys learning new things. He's become so much more confident and resilient lately. It may be a natural result of getting older, but it might be the classes and if it is, that's a good enough reason to keep them going

OP posts:

PuttingDownRoots · 03/07/2023 15:30

Mine are older (10&12).

Monday: DD2 drama (at school)
Tuesday DD1 drama (school) DD2 Cubs (plus me Cubs!)
Wednesday DD1 Dance (school) DD2 Scouts
Thursday DD1 cookery (school)
Friday DD1 Scouts DD2 Rugby
Saturday DD1 Climbing (pay as you go lessons)
Sunday DD2 Rugby

Plus Scout camps for all of us on various weekends.

Fortunately a few of the clubs being school based save my sanity, as I'm the only parent at home most of the time. DD2 should do Rugby on Tuesdays too now shes aging out of Cubs but I can't be in two places at once... DH takes her if he's home.

As they get older the hobbies get more intense and they have to chose between them.

Original poster

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 03/07/2023 16:03

PuttingDownRoots · 03/07/2023 15:30

Mine are older (10&12).

Monday: DD2 drama (at school)
Tuesday DD1 drama (school) DD2 Cubs (plus me Cubs!)
Wednesday DD1 Dance (school) DD2 Scouts
Thursday DD1 cookery (school)
Friday DD1 Scouts DD2 Rugby
Saturday DD1 Climbing (pay as you go lessons)
Sunday DD2 Rugby

Plus Scout camps for all of us on various weekends.

Fortunately a few of the clubs being school based save my sanity, as I'm the only parent at home most of the time. DD2 should do Rugby on Tuesdays too now shes aging out of Cubs but I can't be in two places at once... DH takes her if he's home.

As they get older the hobbies get more intense and they have to chose between them.

That's what I'm hoping. I'm trying to give them lots of varying opportunities in the hope they'll find something they love.

I don't have any hobbies/skills outside of my job and my family and can see how important it is for my husband to have 'his things'... I just want my kids to have the same

OP posts:

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 03/07/2023 16:43

I don't have any hobbies/skills outside of my job and my family and can see how important it is for my husband to have 'his things'... I just want my kids to have the same

My thinking is similar. I played hockey and ran as a child/teenager/early 20s but they were never my passions (actually my dad's). So then when work got super busy/life got more complex, dropping them was easy and now in my mid 40s, I'm looking for a sporty activity I actually like. I'm hoping that my kids will find something they can carry on into adulthood.