How do you know if you’re actually good at something?

[ChocBanana]

I posted a while back because I was having a midlife crisis and decided to use the last £500 of my inheritance on acting lessons.
Well, I did it. And I love it. But I have another question. I’m currently waiting for an adult autism assessment so please don’t judge me on this.

How do you know if you are actually good at something or if people are just saying you are to spare your feelings?

So the acting lessons are being run by a professional actor and other professionals come in sometimes to help run sessions etc.

I have had three different professional people come up to me and say “You’re really good at this”. The guy who runs it said last week “You could do this, you know. You’ve got what it takes”.

My problem is (and I think it is possibly one of the reasons why I might be autistic or similar) I never, ever believe anyone paying me a compliment, I always assume they are just being nice to me because they feel sorry for me.

So my question is - how do you know when someone is sincere? Are there clues?

Part of it is believing in yourself, having confidence and good self esteem.

I wouldn't imagine all those people are pretending you're good at it, you probably are!

It’s not always easy to tell, but I would say believe people who don’t have an agenda. So people you are not paying (unlike the person running the classes) would be easier to believe.

You can also watch and listen to the behaviour of people around you, do they praise everyone all the time, do they praise people to their face and then contradict themselves when that person is around, or do they praise people for things that you also agree with? You can start to form an opinion on how much you believe that individual’s feedback this way. If multiple people say the same thing at different times then it’s also more likely to be true.

If you really want to know if you are any good at acting, perhaps you should try joining an amateur dramatics group and audition for parts in plays. If you start getting parts and then bigger parts (there’s bound to be some politics involved in who gets the parts, but not to the extent that if you are good you won’t get picked at all) then you can be pretty sure you are at least half decent at it.

If you were watching you from the audience, would you think you were good?

I don’t know?! Presumably not because I have no self esteem.

Can you video yourself, wait a few days then watch the vids?

You know because of (comparatively) objective third party verdicts. In my case, my last book won a prestigious international award. In your case, I suppose getting into a good drama school, or being successful in an audition for a part?

I am very like you. When people tell me I'm good at something I assume they are lying. I am older now and have discovered that a lot of the things people said I was good at I really did excel at them but have to pursue them as hobbies now.

With regard to your acting. If your tutor is saying that you have what it takes you now need to ask him for advice as to what to do next. If you have a desire for it you should pursue professional work, going to auditions etc. You'll learn that it isn't just about being good at it. It's also about having the resilience to deal with inevitable rejection, which is part and parcel of the work. If you can handle it then it may be a good fit for you. If not then you will get just as much enjoyment out of amateur dramatics. My advice is to give it a go and see what happens.

If OP is anything like me they'll be hypercritical when watching the video back.