I hate drip-feeding but there's a chance I won't be able to say everything I can in one post. I'm going to do my best though, so here goes:
I was an accidental child to two young students, barely 20. When I was born, my DM continued studying, my DF dropped out of college and started working.
Till I was about two or three, I was handed over between my GPs but due to close proximity of the university my DM studied at, I spent most time at my DF's GM. Her husband passed away before I was born and her two daughter never married.
My eldest aunt decided I was the child she never had and would try to be a substitute mother throughout my childhood, even though I never needed one. While my DM had two more children, my DB and my DS, she was pretty capable of juggling her job and us.
As far as my memories go, my childhood was full of my aunt's meddling. She would always be there, in our flat, taking us for the weekend, even though she never forgot to show who the favourite child was (me). My DF has always been a spoilt manchild and was only happy to have someone else taking care of us. He was also addicted to opiates as he had chronic migraines and would some very strong painkillers to relieve the pain, so he often looked like he was drunk when out in public. He went to rehab and there was a scandal when it was discovered that my aunt would bring him opiates over there because her poor brother was suffering and asking for them.
My aunt was in a profession where she would deal with children a lot and was considered a great professional and a great person. Butter wouldn't melt. Always sweet, always helpful. Always trying to undermine my DM's position and secretly delighting when I would prefer her sometimes because what child wouldn't prefer someone who gave them everything they wanted to someone who wanted to discipline?
My DM got through it but at the cost of never letting me forget that I my father's side favourite grandchild and niece. There would be snide remarks that I'm only waiting for my GM and my two aunts to come to my birthday celebration so I could behave like a spoilt brat. Always reminding me that I behave like them. Telling me that she's there to criticise me and my aunts to praise me when I told her that I rarely hear a kind word from her.
As a result, as I was growing older, I felt like I needed to break away from my family. I really don't feel like being a firm part of them.
I'm in my 50s. My DB and my DS still live in the same town as my DM and they see each other constantly. I have lived abroad for almost 25 years and while I go back to my family for holidays once in a while, I can't be there more than 2 weeks, then I crave my space and the distance.
I am completely NC with my father who divorced my DM 20 years ago and my aunt, who keeps stalking me over social media, even though I keep blocking her accounts. Never answer her mails or anything, try to avoid her when I'm back in my home town, especially as I allowed her a bit of contact to introduce her to my daughter but I stopped once I saw her treating my daughter as she once treated me, using baby talk to a 5 year old (who thought that woman was crazy because she wasn't used to it) etc.
There are some people who tell me that I should just let it slide, water under the bridge and I'm old enough to get over it. I can't bring myself to do it though.
So my question would be:
AIBU and I should get over it and just establish contact back?
AINBU and I am better off keeping my distance?
I love my close family but when I was with my aunt, I felt like I couldn't breathe.