Who thinks they should not have kids?

[Topofthep0ps]

Is there anyone else here who would like to have kids, but are choosing not to because they don't think they should have them?

I suffer from depression which runs in my family on my mum's side. I'm OK most of the time, I've learned how to cope over the years. But I can go through spells where I struggle and don't want to see anyone or engage in life. I don't want to inflict that behaviour on a child. I also don't want them to suffer with depression themselves, and considering my family history, I'd say odds for that are high. My mum had awful postnatal depression too, so that also concerns me.

Some people tell me I shouldn't worry about this and have kids anyway if I want them, but to me it just doesn't seem fair?

I've three friends with chronic conditions who made the choice not to have children as a direct consideration. Its entirely up to you, you don't have to justify your decisions to anyone

I feel like this as well - a mix of medical and mental health conditions on both sides of the family and worries that I might pass along trauma unintentionally. I wonder if a therapist could help you get to the bottom of your thinking?

My sister has done that. She has Crohns disease and said sometimes she cannot look after herself at all so why would she have a child.

I really wanted kids very badly - felt the pining and the longing and the envy of pregnant women and all that, really intensely, for years. However, I knew that I would not have coped well with the actual reality. I worked with children and parents for 20 years so had no rose tinted glasses about what would be involved! I have a very poor relationship with my own parents and that was definitely a factor in deciding not to have them

I'm 43 now and feeling more and more grateful that I don't have kids, and more and more sure that I made the right decision. It was seriously rough though, and I did a hell of a lot of grieving.

@Lottapianos Thank you for sharing. I also don't have a great relationship with my parents and don't generally have a good experience of being in a family, so that's a factor too. I'm also glad I've seen my friends have kids first, it's so hard raising kids. I'm overwhelmed by holding down a job, let alone adding children into the mix.

Me. I'm selfish and enjoy my life too much. Don't think they are good qualities for raising a child!

And as a child of older parents who were enjoying their lives, as much as we had a great childhood I can see now there were some problematic behaviours and I wouldn't want the same to happen.

I had my kids in 20s and thought I would be a great mum but it was really just another adhd ‘hobby’ I think. I’m an awful mother if I had waited until my 30s when I was more mature and aware of my capabilities I would have known I wasn’t up to it and not had any. I love them so much but fail them every day and having them has been my biggest regret in life.

@CaputDraconis I'm exactly the same, I'm too selfish and like my life the way it is... I'm currently abroad and see parents holidaying with kids but think it's my idea of hell!

I was told for a very long time I probably couldn't have kids despite really wanting them... turns out I'm actually not infertile but now I don't want them! I've also struggled with mental and physical health so it's not something I'd want to pass on

'Me. I'm selfish and enjoy my life too much. Don't think they are good qualities for raising a child'

They are good things though 😊 being 'selfish' means you know yourself well and you're aware of your own needs, strengths and limits. And how lovely to be able to say that you enjoy your life - not everyone can say that

I hear you Top. 'Family' is a pretty negative word for me too. I think it's very important to understand yourself well and to be realistic about your own limits and what you need out of life. There are no medals for martyrdom

I'm on holiday too and the parents all look miserable.

Me and my husband have said at least 3 times a day that what we are witnessing is good contraception 🤣