For being annoyed at my friend?

[anonnone]

She’s 33 and married. I’m 38 and single. Last year I started talking to her about my worries of never be able to marry and have a family and by the time I meet someone , I’ll be older and there’s more risks with pregnancy and the baby, like Down’s Syndrome. As soon as I said the last bit she jumped on me told me theres nothing wrong with Downs Syndrome and Im being ableist, and people are horrible about it, and I should know better. The conversation stopped. I’ve not brought it up since because I felt so ashamed. I NEVER said anything about abortions. only mentioned it because I read up on pregnancy over 35 earlier that day (ehich is why I was sad and tried to talk to her) and that was on the page. now she’s decided to TTC and talks to me constantly about babies and getting ready for pregnancy.

Have you got any other friends? Looks like it's time to phase this potentially toxic twat out.

It sounds like she’s potentially projecting her own insecurities on to you. Or she’s being an insensitive twat.

I’d be inclined to spend less time with her, given both of your stages of life and her apparent need to incessantly talk about TTC.

Yeah I’d start giving this “friend” a wide berth! Instead of listening and sympathising with your concerns about being able to have a family, she berates you and then goes on about her own potential pregnancy. She’s either dense or a bitch, either way get rid.

Probably not the point of your thread OP, but I completely understand your concerns about reaching your late 30s and feeling like time is running out. I was also in your shoes (at 36) and couldn’t even be honest with my own my mum about feeling that I might run out of time, so it was really brave of you to be so honest with your friend. I’m sorry you came away feeling ashamed, being concerned about potential birth risks is completely normal.
Have you thought about going it alone in terms of having children, as a potential option?
I’d convinced myself that I didn’t want children and would be happy with my 3 cats, mostly to stop anyone feeling sorry for me.
I then met up with a friend I’d not seen for years and things progressed rather quickly, 5 years later we’re married with 3 beautiful children. I still have the cats of course ☺️

Thank you for the replies. I do want to spend less time with her, but haven’t been able to tell her why. I know she is worried about getting pregnant and that’s why she’s talking about it and I don’t want her to feel abandoned when she’s scared. Most of my other friends are either proudly childless by choice or have children and I’m really embarrassed to talk to them about it.

@CheeseFiend40 thank you so much for sharing your story. It means a lot

Yes, I would echo the trying not to panic message as well. I’m currently 36 and pregnant with my first child. I fell pregnant 10 months after meeting my partner, so it can happen a lot quicker than you think!

Good luck to you and try to surround yourself with positive people.

Thanks.

shes not a nasty person. In lots of other ways she’s a very good friend. But just not with this particular topic.

Maybe you touch a raw nerve. What you said was perfectly reasonable. I get where she’s coming from, but she sounded a bit full on. Maybe she’s worried about it to, and in this day and age, feels guilty at those thoughts. Or maybe she runs a high risk? Or has Downs relatives etc?

@Riverlee i might be that she thinks about it too and feels guilty. I’m almost certain she does not has relatives who have Down’s syndrome, as we’ve been friends for many years and this topic has come up in other contexts.