We are both in our 40s, she is older by a few years. We had a pretty horrible childhood, and took very different paths to get out of it. She married young and started her own family, I locked myself away studying and went to university. I only settled down 6 years ago, but now have young children myself. I was always the one that did the leg work because for years I was childless and single and she was at home with small children. I popped in, I babysat, had my nieces to stay, took them for outings, and was close to them. I gradually realised that initiating contact was down to me, but I put that down to her busy family life. However, now I am the one with a young family, all of her children have flown the nest. She doesn't call me or visit (I worked out she has been to my house twice in the last 4 years - she lives 15 minutes away.) She will text me on occasion, so there is some limited contact. When we do chat, we get on well and have lots to say, and she has said that she considers us to be close. I went back through my phone today though, and she hasnt actually phoned me in over 2 years. If contact comes from her, she prefers a brief text. If anything. I have brought it up a couple of times, told her I feel hurt that she makes so little effort, and initially there would be more contact for a bit, but it would soon go back to normal. Last time I broached it, she just said 'Yeh, I am a bit rubbish, arent I.' There's nowhere to go from that, is there? She just isn't interested in a relationship with me.