To not want my DG to call me a "princess"

[HulkHulk]

Today DH and I went to a restaurant for lunch and I ordered a milkshake. They told me they milkshake machine was broken. No big deal, ordered a sprite.

Later DH teased me about the "pissed off princess" facial expression I pulled. He did it in a "my wife doesn't like getting her own way". He often talks about me being a princess, or sometimes spoilt, or "classic my wife" behaviour. He says "lots of women are bloody princesses"

The thing is I literally don't know what he's talking about. I am very un princess like. And anyway this might be OTT but I find the whole line sexist? He tells me he's just messing about and to stop taking stuff so seriously but it's this joke he brings up again and again and it just totally bizarre to me. I'm pretty bloody laid back and deal with a lot of pressure at work all the time. I just don't relate at all.

Aibu to ask him to stop? I have but he is still finding it funny.

It's not something anyone has ever said to me before. And the thing is I don't get riled up by stuff really. I can honestly say the milkshake thing barely registered. Though I agree women should be able to be disappointed without being branded spoilt.

He also sometimes talks about my "spending habits" and how long I take to get ready. Both of them just aren't true. I'm a bit of mascara and got 20 year old jumpers kind of woman. So it's bizarre

I do say stop it and have even said that it feels likes he's just using sexist clichés to tease me...and he just says I'm always making stuff serious and awkward
.

Every time he asks for something, dinner choice, drink etc etc - give him something else. If he as much as shows a flicker of even recognition that he did not receive what he asked for say 'Oh look, typical man getting aggressive and cunty about not getting his own way'...

He should figure it out quickly, if not, throw away whole man, find a better one.

Oh God, bin him. Life’s too short, you’ve told him you don’t like it and he’s ignoring you.

I read it as Director General! Yes that is uncalled for, best nip it in the bud OP. He might be one of those men who find it hard to cope when their other half is disappointed/angry/upset. He feels he's let you down, and perversely takes it out on you for making him feel like that - when you're just having a normal human reaction that's nothing to do with him. I've come across this reaction a lot in relationships - wish I knew how to fix it!

On a related note, I cringe when I hear dads call their young daughters 'princess'. I'm sure they just think it's cute, but there's a weird pass-agg undertone to it.

'he just says I'm always making stuff serious and awkward'

That would annoy me more than the 'princess' comments, or as much. 'No, I'm telling you how you're making me feel. Do you want to annoy me? Don't you respect me enough to stop making a specific type of joke when you know how much it bothers me?'

I don't care if he thinks you're blowing it out of proportion; why not make life easier for himself by cutting it out?

Why did you marry such a blatantly sexist man? The fact that he's a misogynist is clear to anyone.

YANBU, he is being horrible. My DP calls me a princess but in the sense of being his princess/his queen or if I am dressed up or have done something special with my hair (including brushing it 😅) that I look like a princess (in a nice way) and I thought this thread was going to be about that. What your DH is saying is not acceptable in the slightest.

Tell him he really needs to grow up and communicate as an adult. Repeating the same rather boneheaded "joke" time after time is something most men have grown out of by their 20s.

It’s not teasing. He’s belittling you and putting you down.

I went out with several men who seemed to take issue with me putting make up on and used to call me high maintenance etc. I only wore a small amount and used to launch into defending myself. I used to hate it and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that it was none of their fucking business, even if I chose to wear loads of the stuff. You’re an adult woman and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you can spend as you please and wear makeup. Tell him to get fucked.

Little Lord Fauntleroy was not spoilt or petulant though - he was endlessly gracious and generous. Obviously none of you read the (somewhat twee but rather endearing) book!

he just says I'm always making stuff serious and awkward

Well yes, if your only world view of women is that they are spoilt princesses who spend lots of money and take hours to get ready, it must be quite disorientating to him to have a woman being serious and having an intelligent opinion. (that's not to say women who do spend lots of money and take hours to go out don't have intelligent opinions, just that his version probably doesnt)

I know people say that LTB is a cliche on MN and it really depends on how your general relationship is because this is just a snippet. But from this snippet what I want to know is do you really want to be with a man who seems to have no idea who you really are, and seems to have made no attempt to find out because he's so wedded to his idea of what women are like there's no space left for what you are actually like

I really dislike the 'you're being over sensitive/I'm just messing about' stuff - it is worse than the 'joke' itself really and its downplaying what you've said, and your feelings.

I would not be with someone who did that, that's not cool, no matter what those feelings are or what they are about, you just don't do that to people.

I think with the "chill out" comments are annoying, we have young kids and family life is quite hectic and exhausting and so he's basically saying "don't make things shitty it's the last thing we need". And he's just taking the piss

I don't mind that at all. We tease each other. Like I might call him old, he might call me a princess. But the princess thing just seems so weird and also teamed with other comments I just think he sounds like misogynistic.

Oh no that's not ok. It's like he's negging in you if you have a preference, want or need.

I think in general that terms needs to be used carefully as it can be sexist. Both me and my partner say princessing or princess treatment. If we're looking after the other if we're I'll or sad. Or like now on my period with endo and in lots of pain. I think that's a fun in joke. And about both genders.

If he said I was being a princess for wanting a certain thing in a cafe I'd be really angry.

It's more than sexist, it's downright misogynistic. He has a very unpleasant view of women in general and he's making out that you're a "typical woman". The old "women, eh! <eyeroll> eh!" attitude of the 60s and 70s never really died out.
It's a public putdown. My ex used to something similar in shops, speak to me or about me like I was a silly child. It was one of several things that made me realise he didn't really like me very much.

It's a contempt thing for females, say he looks like a grumpy duchess with pursed lips each time and he'll stop.

'stop grabbing your pearls duchess' use the same 'humour' back at him...he won't like it

He is trying to shame you, so bite back and make it clear you won’t be shamed. “Yes, I am a bloody princess and don’t you forget it. When I kissed you I thought you’d turn into a handsome Prince, but sadly all I got was a talking frog”.

What an annoying, misogynist twat. He's clearly so convinced that these sexist tropes are true of women in general and he's too thick to notice that they don't remotely apply to you!

Sorry OP but he sounds a sexist negging dickhead. Assume he wasn’t always like this given you married him - has it just become more common recently?

My BF calls me a Ginger Goddess on occasions, which I quite like 😁

Don't think I was ever called a princess though? Too much of loudmouth tomboy I'd guess and previously working with horses and smelling like stables didn't point much to the 'princess' label.
Return the compliment in kind - misogynistic dinosaur can work wonders ... unless he likes dinosaurs ...

Wow gaslighting and poor attempts at humour. Classic manchild. Every time.

Or point out with every sexist remark you get nearer and nearer to wanting a more emotionally stable partner.

"Typical man" Roll eyes and tut Every Single Time he opens his Fucking Stupid Mouth on repeat , whether its called for or not until he stops.
If he questions why you say it, tell him is as relevant to him as his comments to you. Ie Bollocks.
Antagonistic : yes
Satisfying: yes

That would infuriate me. I'm very much not a Princess being a single mum for years and just getting on with it. A guy I was dating once called me a princess when I suggested we get the bus a couple of stops while carrying home bags of really heavy shopping, the heaviest things he was kindly carrying, I was trying to save his poor arms! Still annoys me now when I think about it because I have been happily carrying my own shopping, doing my own decorating and fixing my own washing machine for bloody years. I'm the least 'princessy' woman he has ever dated. Twat.