Losing it with the amount my 14 month old cries

teakupp · 2023-06-30T17:43:18+00:00

I've just thrown a bunch of toys against the wall, as I'm so frustrated. I can't do anything without him crying hysterically to be picked up. My life is really limited. I can't have a cup of tea / empty the dishwasher/ go to the toilet / send a text/ make a phone call, while he's awake. He just screams at me constantly. Then often I don't know what he wants. He wants to come up, then down. Then cries. His crying is constant and hysterical. I posted last week. It's escalating. I am losing my mind and my temper. What can I do ? My daughter was not like this at all.

Feelinadequate23 · 30/06/2023 18:45

No advice OP but solidarity - my 13 month old is exactly the same 🙁

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/06/2023 18:46

Get some earfilters. They don't completely block the sound out, but they can take the shrillest part of the crying out, so it doesn't cut through you in quite the same way.

It's a lot easier to breathe through this stage when your eardrums aren't feeling raw from the shrieking. And then you can take him to the doctor to see if there's any physical cause, such as ear or stomach pain that might be contributing to some of it.

alittleadvicepls · 30/06/2023 18:47

Same here OP- 17 months DS. I realised around 5pm that I hadn’t had anything to drink since my morning cuppa!!! He’s driving totally bonkers at the moment and sleeping so poorly at night as well. It’s a real nightmare….. and guess who just woke up for wake up number 1 of the night 😭😭

JeandeServiette · 30/06/2023 18:47

https://iconcope.org/

SchoolShenanigans · 30/06/2023 18:48

Babies and toddlers are bloody hard work.

I would seriously recommend earphones. When you're feeling overwhelmed, leave the room and have something to eat, even if it's a quick biscuit or a quick sandwich. Something to pick you up and a few minutes away.

Does he like a bouncer? I used to sit for an hour bouncing him off to sleep then grabbing a cuppa (or make a flask at the beginning of the day!).

It passes, hang on in there.

Original poster

teakupp · 30/06/2023 18:48

He throws up from crying too much.

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 30/06/2023 18:49

Is this new? What calms him down?

My youngest was a bit like this and he had an intolerance.

Have you seen the doctor?

Original poster

teakupp · 30/06/2023 18:50

SchoolShenanigans · 30/06/2023 18:48

Babies and toddlers are bloody hard work.

I would seriously recommend earphones. When you're feeling overwhelmed, leave the room and have something to eat, even if it's a quick biscuit or a quick sandwich. Something to pick you up and a few minutes away.

Does he like a bouncer? I used to sit for an hour bouncing him off to sleep then grabbing a cuppa (or make a flask at the beginning of the day!).

It passes, hang on in there.

He doesn't like the bouncer. I have no way to contain it. He goes nuts in his playpen.

I can't go to the toilet in peace. Always trying to get to the toilet brush and lick it

OP posts:

Original poster

teakupp · 30/06/2023 18:52

Merryoldgoat · 30/06/2023 18:49

Is this new? What calms him down?

My youngest was a bit like this and he had an intolerance.

Have you seen the doctor?

It's not new, but it's getting worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

teakupp · 30/06/2023 18:52

Waking around holding him calms him down

OP posts:

SchoolShenanigans · 30/06/2023 18:53

teakupp · 30/06/2023 18:50

He doesn't like the bouncer. I have no way to contain it. He goes nuts in his playpen.

I can't go to the toilet in peace. Always trying to get to the toilet brush and lick it

Show quote history

Does he stop crying when you pick him up? Do you ever use a sling? It can give you 10 minutes while you make dinner.

It's really hard.

Have you asked your GP for support? It's possible, if he cries all day, that he has an allergy?

cestlavielife · 30/06/2023 18:54

Check eyes ears stomach and talk to hv
Rule out any issues
Use makaton baby signs

SideProfile · 30/06/2023 18:56

18m old getting better now but my god he’s a whinger

You need breaks OP, partner, parents whatever. Even if it’s 30 minutes without someone touching you.

Can you back carry? DS1 still loves it.

Getting out helps too, better distractions

MumUndone · 30/06/2023 18:57

Sling or carrier. My second was like this. My arms got very toned as a plus.

Cakeandslippers · 30/06/2023 19:03

My youngest was the same, it's brutal. I'd already transitioned him from the sling on my front to the sling in my back (this took a lot of crying too as with everything). If you've not tried this, give it a go, he lived on my back for months. I even learned how to go for a wee with him in it!

It's hard work, much sympathy. He's 3 now and still very clingy and frightened of a lot of things, struggles to sleep alone etc but it's a hundred times easier than the stage you are at.

Jeds55 · 30/06/2023 19:04

Dd 2 is like this. She's 19 months now and much better but it was hell around 14 months. She walked at 17.5 months so with hindsight that's when it improved a bit. Also she has some words now so that helps. Like your child the only thing thst calmed her was being carried facing outwards.
Her sleep is still crap but this has made me realise that she is generally more settled now.
Hope there's someone who can watch him for a while so you can get a break. Everyone needs a break.

Nordicrain · 30/06/2023 19:06

If he will accept it, a sling you can wear on your back can be really useful. It gives you some "space" while still carrying him, and gives you free arms. Throw in noise cancelling earphones or ear plugs and it'll be much calmer.

Do you get a break from him? Does he go to childcare? If not, could you consider it? Soemtimes a break can make things a lot easier ot cope with.

EllaRaines · 30/06/2023 19:08

What about a baby carrier? Then your hands are free to get on with stuff.

VivaVivaa · 30/06/2023 19:27

Some babies/toddlers just need a lot more external calming and soothing than others. It comes hand in hand with having big emotions too. Some kids are chill and some aren’t and it’s the luck of the draw. I hear you on how hard it is - DS was one of the un chilled ones. The single worst phase was approximately 9-15 months. Separation anxiety plus extreme frustration at not being able to walk properly and talk made it feel like he cried, whined and screamed all the time. The crying to be picked up and then crying to be put back down again was the worst. He also used to scream until he was sick if we put him in the playpen.

It’s got so much better as he’s got older and more mobile/able to express himself. Do you get out and about lots? Distraction was often the only thing that worked with DS, he was 100 times worse in the house than out. Good luck.

RedRobyn2021 · 30/06/2023 19:30

Buy or rent a carrier

Problem solved, enjoy your tea

Original poster

teakupp · 30/06/2023 19:34

I used to carry him in a front carrier, but he was in the way. I will need to flip it around. It's a 360 carrier so they can be worn on your back too.

He doesn't go to nursery yet. I have a nanny who looks after him while I work. He's not like this with her. I work from home so try to stay out of the way as much as I can, because he acts up as soon as I'm in the room with him again.

So whilst I don't look after him full time because I work, I do look after him alone every morning before work and evening from 5 and of course all weekend. It's killing me. I love him so much though.

My husband isn't around much, but when my DS sees my husband, he will not leave his side at all. He cries hysterically ( almost throwing up ) when separated from his dad. It's really extreme. We have a daughter too and she was never this unhappy. I'm a bit concerned. He has CMPA. So he can have some dairy, but he can't really have cow milk, as it makes him constipated. He has soya milk. I don't think it's that though, as it seems well controlled at the moment.

OP posts:

Original poster

teakupp · 30/06/2023 19:38

VivaVivaa · 30/06/2023 19:27

Some babies/toddlers just need a lot more external calming and soothing than others. It comes hand in hand with having big emotions too. Some kids are chill and some aren’t and it’s the luck of the draw. I hear you on how hard it is - DS was one of the un chilled ones. The single worst phase was approximately 9-15 months. Separation anxiety plus extreme frustration at not being able to walk properly and talk made it feel like he cried, whined and screamed all the time. The crying to be picked up and then crying to be put back down again was the worst. He also used to scream until he was sick if we put him in the playpen.

It’s got so much better as he’s got older and more mobile/able to express himself. Do you get out and about lots? Distraction was often the only thing that worked with DS, he was 100 times worse in the house than out. Good luck.

Distraction works really well. He's pretty happy when we are out. But during the week I don't take him out because I work. The nanny takes him out, which is great. But by 5 pm when she goes home, he's so angry at everything.

He started walking ' early ' at 11 months. He's able to express himself a tiny bit. He says ' mine ' if he wants something ( learnt that from fighting with his older sister ) and he says more if he wants more ( they both sound similar ). Anyway, I'm just trying to show that he can express himself a tiny bit. He already has proper tantrums if he can't have what he wants ( usually a knife or a toilet brush or whatever else he shouldn't have ! ).

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Blondeshavemorefun · 30/06/2023 21:27

So he's fine with your nanny. She can leave him to play while she goes for a wee - cooks lunch etx

So he's not in pain or ill

But he isnt like that with you

If you need a wee etx then put him in a playpen. He will be fine. He may cry but that's fine

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/06/2023 21:40

My second child was like this. It used to really wear me out and I hated having to carry him round all the time and the constant noise - so exhausting and felt like I was constantly trying to appease him! I was doing ridiculous things such as giving him a pack of chocolate biscuits to eat in his cot at night. Obviously he was always angelic at nursery. He's almost 2 now and has been much better for about the last 2 months. There seemed to be a sudden shift and he cries much less and wants to be carried much less. Still has his moments, usually just after waking up or if getting over tired, but not all the time. He's still very cuddly but I can actually enjoy it now instead of wishing for space. And I don't feel the need to try and keep him happy with constant biscuits etc - normal parenting now possible.

Hopefully yours will grow out of it too.

toddlermom99 · 01/07/2023 00:04

My son was exactly like this. It was honestly hell! I'd say as he got past 18 months and his speech excelled and he was able to communicate/understand more it definitely helped. He's 3 in a couple of weeks and still a whinger but a HUGE difference! Ie I'm able to say to him now 'mommy will be back in 2 minutes I'm just going for a wee wee, mommy needs some privacy' and he'll say 'okay mommy, I'll stay here' whereas at 14 months he'd scream the house down and would be sat on my lap!