To resent my mum for fostering

[LoveSick64]

My mum became a foster carer when I was a teenager. She told me it was for the money. It was a really difficult time and my mum struggled- our house was not a happy one.
Fast forward, 20+ years and she doesnt get on with her foster daughter who has left the house.

Foster sister has attached herself to me and I feel bad because she doesnt have anyone else, she has mental health issuds and personality disorder. She is always short of money. She regularly comes to see me and phones me, it takes up enormous amounts of my energy and time. I work full time and have 4 children.

AIBU to feel mum chose to foster, its not my responsibility...**Mum is super active and has no health issues, also an empty house in London.

I feel so burnt out.

That’s tough. To be fair your DM doesn’t have any responsibility towards her former foster child and especially if they had a difficult relationship.

Does this young woman still have a social worker? It might be worth trying to get her some support from specialist services and deflecting her (with kindness) when she leans on you. Be less available and explain you are busy.

She does sound unhappy and needy but ultimately it’s not on you. I guess your DM holds a tenuous responsibility for this but she fostered for a reason and probably did help many young people.

Siblings aren’t your responsibility whether they’re biological, adopted, foster, whatever.

sounds like you need to do some work on setting boundaries around this relationship, and sticking to them.

I know from personal experience this can be really hard because you feel like you’re being mean. But you’re not.

a good counsellor coule help!

@MatildaTheCat @bonzaitree thank you so much and for being gentle. I do feel a bit teary.

its understandable to be upset because it’s a hard situation!

@bonzaitree thank you, xx

Your mum did a wonderful thing for those children who needed the stability of a loving home. But the minute she stops being paid to be that child's foster carer she and you absolutely have no responsibility to maintain contact. It's sad for them but that's life.