Child grabs other children by the privates

[Lonelycats]

A boy in my son’s class grabs the other boys by the privates on a near daily basis. It’s a boy’s school FYI. This has been ongoing since years and the school does nothing when the boys mention this to their teachers. The victims are seemingly fobbed off and expected to get on with it. It’s one perpetrator who does the grabbing and he has a few hangers on who encourage him - most of these are former victims of said grabbing so I believe it’s a defence strategy. There are other shenanigans going on - I could provide a very extensive list - but the main issue is this, as it’s humiliating and embarrassing for the boys.

I personally feel it’s crossing the line and that the school should really clamp down on this one way or another. The boys are 9-10 years old and this has been going on since years.

AIBU for thinking this is a safe guarding issue?

Hello again. Just wondering what sort of action a school might take in a situation like this? I’ve had a meeting with them where they took notes and said they would escalate the matter and that they are in the information gathering stages at present, speaking to other families also.

I don’t know what will come out of this so I thought I’d ask what a typical outcome might be. I can’t see them excluding the child as they have expressed a lot of support for him and his family to anyone who has complained in the past.

Does the child have additional needs? If not I would worry that the child has been abused as to why they are grabbing others private area? That’s one of the first thoughts that came into my head if he has been doing it for years. I’m not sure on the process with school it clearly looks like they’re not doing anything so I would look into speaking to the police or does the school have some sort of governer

I used to sit next to a boy in secondary school year 7 who used to grab my leg I always thought he was so odd then found out when we was a lot older that he used to be abused by his step father because he wrote about it on fb and everything then made sense to me

I would expect exclusion, or at least isolation, while the family is spoken to by the school and, if necessary, reported to social services for support.

I'd also expect a school assembly on inappropriate contact and how to address it and who to address it with.

Is your son distressed by the behaviour?

If it doesn't stop, as they get a bit older someone will retaliate and hit the child.

“Is your son distressed by the behaviour?”
Nah, he loves being painfully grabbed by the balls…

If this happened in my school, parents would have to called in every time it happened to let them know. Both victim and perpetrator. Also after a certain amount of times we would probably do a referral to child services so they could investigate this wasn't an ongoing issue of sexual abuse that the child has witnessed. It would be taken VERY seriously.

I would ask the school what they plan to do about it, or if they would prefer you to report it as a sexual assault, in their care, to the police. It isn't acceptable behaviour anywhere.

Where did OP say he was causing them pain?

I'm clearly talking about ongoing emotional distress - so is it upsetting him outside of the initial incident - but carry on being super helpful.

How is grabbing a boy’s chest sexual assault?

Boys also have breast tissue and nipples 🤷

The problem is that it's very difficult for the school to deal with having let it get to this point. If the child has been doing this for years (and by the sounds of it other children are involved as well) then he has pretty much been taught it's ok / not a big deal. I would expect the whole class to be talked to about what's acceptable and clear consequences for this type of behaviour.

I wouldn’t bother with school, I would (I have) gone straight to the police. Let them deal with it, keep on being the squeaky wheel. Don’t let them fib you off into going away quietly.

It's absolutely unacceptable. If the child is unable due to SEND to prevent himself from doing this or to process consequences for doing it, then the child needs close enough supervision from an adult positioning themselves and the child at all times in such a way that the child physically cannot reach another child's genitals. They need to identify the situations in which it happens and how the child is able to do this, and change the situation so that the child is not able to. If it's lining up times, the child doesn't line up with the group. If it's when free in the playground, the child needs structured activities at playtime that are adult led. If it's in the toilets then the child doesn't go to the toilet unsupervised or when other children are in there. It's not difficult. Time consuming and expensive, but that isn't relevant as what matters is meeting the child's need not to do this behaviour and sustain a habit that in the long term is going to make their life very difficult, and to prevent other children being assaulted.

Thanks everyone and thanks @Froodwithatowel for the very clear guidance, this is exactly what I will request as a minimum

The first thing that struck me is that this boy must be going through something to cause him to behave like this.

If he is being sexually abused himself the school must act to protect him, too.

This doesn't come from nothing or nowhere.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-abuse/

I'm guessing an independent school, as it's all boys; in any case, they should have a safeguarding policy (possibly on the school website) and a member of staff who is Safeguarding Lead. Ask the head which member of staff this is, and ask for your concerns to be passed on. During my INSED training, we were given a checklist of worrying behaviours and the "chain of command" specific to our school.
Obviously you primary concern is for your son, but it would seem to me that this boy's behaviour is a clear safeguarding concern, and it was impressed on us as teachers, that it was our duty to pass such concerns on; I think the legal term was "charged with knowledge"
Your head teacher's complacency (passive complicity?) might be jolted a little if you point out that the child concerned is approaching the age of criminal responsibility.

I hadn’t even thought about that, 10 is of course the age of criminal responsibility… that definitely adds a layer to the whole thing.

I am worried that the school feels that there is now a witch hunt for this boy and his family, when the disruptive situation is caused by more than one child. There are certainly others who misbehave but not even close to the level of this child.

Yes I'd report as a safe guarding issue it's odd as when I was around 13/14 in 2001 it was very popular for all the boys to grab the girls
By their privates it was horrible , we started wearing shorts under our dresses, I think they did a big assembly just for the boys on how serious it was not to do this and it did die down. Times have changed and it wasn't acceptable then but it is even less acceptable now. I remember us girls then as much as we hated it just felt this was what boys were like la la la. It must feel just as horrible for your ds.

This is sexual assault by 9/10. If the child cannot be excluded, they should have a 2:1 TA ratio and be taught outside the class or sent to an alternative provision. I'm amazed the school has let it slide for so long.

Yes I am completely amazed that the school has never even suspended this child, not even once. He gets sent to the headteacher whenever he does something really and but it doesn’t deter him

(Bad not and)

What if your the mother of the child who grabs others privates Inc boys? What would you all suggest? If your child grabs others privates, knows its wrong and upsets others and Still does it no matter what you as the parent or school suggest? What if the councillors the child sees can't help or stop the child?
What would you all suggest to help the parent or child?