To think this was really rude?

[ruderudeu]

I'm applying for a job and had to write a statement of interest. The guidance mentioned how it needs to be personal and talk about myself as a person and how my experiences led up to be wanting to pursue this career. I looked up some examples, and they all seem to include personal anecdotes.

I wrote mine and was pretty happy with it, I got it professionally reviewed and the feedback was that I needed to make my opening paragraph more personal. So to take in their feedback, I decided to talk about an anecdote of my experience with this particular profession, and the impact it had on me and my decision to pursue this job.

I shared it with a family member to get their opinion, and was already feeling embarrassed as I worried the opening paragraph was a bit cringey. They read it and laughed, said I sounded pathetic and it sounded stupid. They wouldn't stop going on about it for around 5 minutes, I changed it in front of them and we agreed it both sounded better but they've still not stopped mentioning how 'pathetic' I sounded in the original opening paragraph.

I feel really embarrassed. I don't think it was that bad, it just mentioned a moment that made a big impact on my decision to pursue this job, and I thought it was in line with other examples I had seen online and the feedback I received. I agree that it maybe was a little too personal and cringey so I've now changed it. But AIBU to think their reaction was rude and unnecessary?

So rude!
I've thought like that with things people have had me read sometimes but would never actually say so! It's always "yeah that's pretty good, what about just..." to suggest changes.

(Job applications, OLD profiles, ranty emails to estranged parents, doesn't matter. Don't need to be rude!)

PS. Good luck!

Yes very rude. Could they be jealous of you?
Good luck. You sound like you want the job and your statement will reflect that.

Very rude! Do they have form for brutal feedback? They do sound like they're on some kind of power trip.

Very rude.i will never forget the time I wrote my first C.V and give it to my Dad to look at.He told me him and his partner had "a right good laugh when they read through it".I genuinely didn't think there was any malice in it but honestly it upset me so much.

Very rude OP, they were trying to tear you down to make themselves feel better. I really hope you get the job.

You asked for an opinion and got it.

What's the problem?

Oh look another rude person.

If you thought it was rude, then it was rude. It doesn't mean it was wrong or they're a bad person. You thought it was rude, so it was rude.

They sound toxic, not just rude.

Yeh really rude.

I had a similar experience when I’d written my personal statement for my uni application. My tutor said it was great apart from the first line and she laughed and laughed and laughed at the opening line. Read it out to everyone else and laughed and laughed some more about how funny it sounded.
Noone else really laughed and I honestly couldn’t see why it was funny either. It was so bizarre and I felt like such a prick, really embarrassed and went over that opening line so many times to try ‘correct’ it but I couldn’t as I couldn’t understand the issue! I didn’t change it in the end and at one Uni interview, the gentleman was so complimentary about my personal statement and how much he enjoyed reading it, he even quoted from it a few times without it even being in front of him which I was really flattered by. I love to write and I was really proud if it but man, she really made me second, third and fourth guess myself on it.

Like PPs have said there are better ways to say it, ‘perhaps instead of that maybe say it this way instead’ it’s not difficult to suggest changes without being a dick about it.

It's a bit rude yes, but not necessarily wrong. They're your family. You asked them for their opinion. They all agreed, so there's obvious truth in their view. Your opening patsgrsphy was cringey. So much so it made them burst out laughing, just as it might make the recruiters smirk.
Just rewrite it and dont take it to heart. If you're hoping yo go into teaching/nursing/forces/social work etc you're gonna need to toughen up.

This.

"Pathetic" is just nasty. Especially to keep going on about it.

It was unnecessarily rude and cruel tbh. Objectively - someone may be able to argue that to say it was pathetic once might have been 'honest' (not really - there are other ways to say the same thing without being so hurtful), but to then go on and on about it? That's just horrible and there's no way to argue it isn't.

"Pathetic". It's negative and a put down.

I wouldn't trust their judgement on this. They are either toxic or not clever enough to feedback intelligently.