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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my ex to rent somewhere before he have some money for a mortgage

30 replies

Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 22:47

My dh said he Wanted to split up the other day. We are constantly bickering and have been on and off for years. I agree altough I didn’t instigate this. He is due to inherit money and thought it was going to happen soon and was going to buy somewhere. We have been very amicable about everything and it’s all been going really well, sorting out custody etc.
Today however we found out that he’s not going to inherit the money until January. So he wants to stay until January. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rent somewhere now. He said he wants to stop the bickering affecting our daughter. I agree and think it’s right he leaves soon as discussed. so how now is it okay for him to stay until January? Surrepy the issue is we want dd to have peace?
He has now become belligerent and said well I should move out not him.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/06/2023 22:50

How do you know when you will inherit unless it is in trust? Don't you have to wait for someone to die and then go through probate or something

Trex6 · 29/06/2023 22:52

Who owns the house?

Wrinklefree · 29/06/2023 22:56

He was going to leave you when he thought his inheritance was going to come through so that he didn’t have to share it with you. Now he’s not getting it until January he wants to stay put, what a joke of a man.

veryfluffyfluff · 29/06/2023 22:58

Who owns the house

Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:05

his sister was about to buy him out, now whe is going to sell but cant until the tenacy on the house is up in Jan

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:06

Hi. And his sisters but this sis was goimg to buy him out

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:06

He said already he wasnt going to share it with me!

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 29/06/2023 23:08

Does he own or part own where you currently live? If so, he has the same rights you do to stay there.

Shinyandnew1 · 29/06/2023 23:08

Is the house you’re in rented or owned? By who?

Summerhillsquare · 29/06/2023 23:08

I'd be getting some legal advice pronto.

Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:09

We share owndership

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:09

He said we should split up for the sake of our daughter though when he thought he could buy a nice house

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:09

We share onership

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:10

Good idea

OP posts:
Trex6 · 30/06/2023 12:01

If you don't want to share the house that you both own, you will have to leave.

Cleethorpes · 30/06/2023 13:29

If you are married, his inheritance should be included in the settlement.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2023 13:45

Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:09

We share onership

Well, you can’t tell him to leave then.

Soontobe60 · 30/06/2023 13:48

Flowerpower333 · 29/06/2023 23:06

He said already he wasnt going to share it with me!

If hes your husband, then his inheritance will be potentially included in any financial order - you need to see a solicitor.

LittleOwl153 · 30/06/2023 13:48

Tell him if you are still married by the time the inheritance comes through then it goes into the marital pot. As it will do if you cannot both be adequately housed with the children out of the marital assets - but could be if the inheritance is included!

Dotandtime · 30/06/2023 13:50

You need to get some legal advice. It sounds like he's already inherited a house, it's the sale he's waiting on?

Doggydarling · 30/06/2023 14:00

Get legal advice asap. If you're married you really need to get things sorted legally. Get advice but don't tell dh. Then decide what you want to do.

Zanatdy · 30/06/2023 14:07

As he’s your DH he has no choice but to share the inheritance as you’re still married and will be in January no doubt still. Go and see a solicitor

IceCreamQueen86 · 30/06/2023 14:10

Cleethorpes · 30/06/2023 13:29

If you are married, his inheritance should be included in the settlement.

No that’s not how it works, inheritance is not seen as a marital asset if:

  1. It has been ring fenced / kept separate to the marital pot & not co-mingled i.e. kept in a separate bank account & not mixed in with the family finances or say used to buy the family home etc
  2. There are are enough marital assets to provide for everyone’s needs (not wants) adequately

Courts will always do their best to preserve someone’s inheritance but if there are not enough martial assets to meet everyone’s needs, then they will include inheritance into the settlement.

Dotandtime · 30/06/2023 14:13

IceCreamQueen86 · 30/06/2023 14:10

No that’s not how it works, inheritance is not seen as a marital asset if:

  1. It has been ring fenced / kept separate to the marital pot & not co-mingled i.e. kept in a separate bank account & not mixed in with the family finances or say used to buy the family home etc
  2. There are are enough marital assets to provide for everyone’s needs (not wants) adequately

Courts will always do their best to preserve someone’s inheritance but if there are not enough martial assets to meet everyone’s needs, then they will include inheritance into the settlement.

Show quote history

Yes, so in OP's case the fact that the inheritance exists gives her a better chance of keeping (most of) the house, as he'll have the means to house himself.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/06/2023 14:17

I think you need legal advice re splitting of assets, as it may well be that he does not get to keep half of the equity in your house PLUS the whole of the inheritance, as he seems to envisage. The assets need to be split in a way that meets everyone’s needs, in particular the housing needs of the children.

I agree with you that he should move out as the aim is to reduce the bickering for your dc. I would always counsel against kids being exposed fo a long period of parents co habiting after a decision to split, especially if there is arguing going on. We got stuck in that situation for 2.5 years and it was hell.