Am I just being a bitch?

[Besthaveanamechange]

DN aged 27 arrived from overseas 3 months ago to live in the UK. The idea was she was going to stay with us while she sorted out somewhat to live. No timescales were specified but I thought about a month. Wrong. We are 12 weeks in and no progress. She’s not paying rent or for food. She doesn’t clean. She might cook once a week. She ignores her cousins. She ignores me, pretty much. I’m so over it.
she is a very poor sleeper and a real worrier. She’s commuting 1.5 hours to a demanding job. She’s in a country where he knows no one. Am I being unfair in just wanting her to fuck off now? She has not spoken one word to me today. I feel so taken for granted.

She's 27. She needs to get used to paying her way, its part of life. Set a rent - if you don't need it, set it aside for her deposit when she finds a place.

She's not a house guest if living with you while working full-time. She's too old to be treated like one of the kids. She's house sharing - and should be responsible for her own cooking/ laundry/ shopping/ cleaning.

Has she been able to make friends her own age? - that would help a lot. If it's hard to socialise after work with the commute, maybe suggest she stays over the odd night.

Actually they are both adults!

Why are people getting the parents involved? She’s 27 😖

you need to have a chat OP - don’t let it go on too long, as too much resentment on either side might end up spilling over and causing a real rift.

She needs to move out so you need to talk to her about that.
It doesn't sound pleasant for anyone.#
With any of these situations where someone rocks up and is going to stay for a while "until they get themselves sorted" there really needs to be a very clear time scale right from the beginning otherwise a lot of people won't bother getting themselves sorted and the time just drags on, making everyone miserable.
While she is finding somewhere to rent she must contribute to your household - not pocket money for kids - but a contribution to bills and food if she wants to eat your food.

She is being incredibly rude and disrespectful...she's not particularly young. 27 is old enough to know you behave better when living off someone else's kindness.

She sounds depressed. Do you know what she was like before she moved? My initial feeling is that she isn’t happy in this country and doesn’t want to cement the move by signing for a rental. By staying with you there’s still a flexibility to run back home? It sounds like it’s her lack of interest in anyone or anything to do with your home that bothers you most. Start with a friendly chat with her and maybe her parents to see how she’s feeling and plans to move onwards and out of your place

You may have to make money the issue to get her moving.
Sit her down, it's been lovely having you these three months.
We did think you'd have found your own accomodation by now, but you're still very welcome for the next 3 months until you find somewhere. The rent for the next 3 months is 1000 a month, or whatever the local rate is.

Where do you want her to go? Rwanda?
You obviously arnt obliged to do anything as you are just being nice but if you’ve agreed to help her out and they are your niece I would probably just support her a bit more. It doesn’t sound like she is taking the piss, but she’s in a new country, probably doesn’t know anyone and has to commute an hour and a half for work? That sounds pretty grim.

Unhappy people still have to pay their way - no one else gets to freeload just cos they are tired or homesick. Definitely a bit of tough love needed here. She needs to go, if she is not being pro active you'll have to nudge her. I'd be afraid if she started paying rent then she would never leave. Pathetic behaviour from a grown woman IMO.

Thanks for all your input. Agree I should have laid some proper ground rules down before now. Hindsight eh?

She got home tonight, I was on the lounge watching tv. She (as usual) did not bother saying hello. Just went straight into the kitchen and ate the food I’d cooked earlier, without asking.

she’s washing up now which I suppose I should be grateful for.

At 27 I would have been really grateful for free room and board. I think you need to have a chat about her plans moving forward, it doesn’t matter how picky she is, you were doing her a favour, it’s not an obligation and it’s time for her to move on.

I would be so ashamed of my DD behaved like that at 27! She’s almost 30 and should know better by now.

I wouldn't put up with this at all. Give her a deadline - maybe one more month and then she has to be out. Make sure it's extremely clear that you won't extend. Be firm.