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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

42 replies

Lifeispassingby · 29/06/2023 18:05

So a friend/colleague of DH asked him and I to dog sit for them for 2 weeks while they are on holiday the week after next. This has been planned for months and we happily agreed to help them out (we have dogs so know how expensive and difficult kennels can be). The ‘friend’ text DH today to say they have found someone else to do it that they would prefer so they don’t need us to do it now. AIBU to think it’s rude to agree to someone putting themselves out to help you until a better offer comes along then change the plans so near to the time?

OP posts:
UncleHerbie · 29/06/2023 18:11

What a result! I’d be quietly delighted.

pyjamalife · 29/06/2023 18:14

I'd be pleased! Yeah, a bit "what's wrong with us" but happy I wouldn't have to do it.

Just don't agree next time as you're not good enough, clearly.

GoodnightJude1 · 29/06/2023 18:19

It is rude, yes. Although I’d be quite pleased as there’d be one less dog to deal with!

I’d also tell them to jog on next time they asked!

M0rT · 29/06/2023 18:23

It's probably just a closer family member that they don't feel they have to clean the house for before their holiday!
Not that you & your DH aren't good enough dog sitters.

Original poster
Lifeispassingby · 29/06/2023 18:32

I don’t feel offended, they are entitled to ask whoever they want to leave their dog with, and I am relieved tbh as it’s a lot easier not to have to do it. We had declined offers/plans etc which is annoying but we were happy to do so to help them out. It just seems rude that now they have a better offer come along it’s changed things. We definitely won’t be offering again!

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 29/06/2023 18:34

Yes it’s rude, but more fool them because I wouldn’t be offering again , for anything

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 29/06/2023 18:38

It's very rude

They could have just lied and said their next-door neighbour is now available, their cousin is going to house-sit and they don't have to put you out, and thank you profusely.

Telling you that they "prefer" someone else can't be anything else than rude.

Good result for you however!

Hugasauras · 29/06/2023 18:39

Maybe they thought it was doing you a favour so you don't have to do it?

pinguins · 29/06/2023 18:40

I don't think it's rude, I think you're off the hook for having to go out of your way to feed a dog for two weeks when you've your own dogs to be seeing to as well. They probably felt like they were putting you out.

pinguins · 29/06/2023 18:41

Telling you that they "prefer" someone else can't be anything else than rude.
Yeah fair point. Did they actually say this OP because I read it that you'd inferred it rather than that they had outright said it. If they said it they were rude.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 29/06/2023 18:44

If they literally said they’d prefer someone else then yes it’s rude. I think they probably thought they were doing you a favour by cancelling though so probably didn’t think about wording.

Original poster
Lifeispassingby · 29/06/2023 18:56

Thanks for the replies. They text DH and said ‘we know we had asked you dog/houses it next weekend but X came round last night and offered to do it. We’d prefer that so we don’t need you to do it now- hope you’re not offended’. They had asked/messaged a few times over the months its been organised to double check we didn’t mind and were happy to do it etc which we were. I am relieved TBH and it means DH and I can celebrate our 10yr anniversary how we want to now without having to worry about their dog in the equation so it’s not that, just hate offering to do someone a favour and have it thrown back in your face x

OP posts:
5128gap · 29/06/2023 19:13

They wouldn't win a prize for tact, would they? There might be many valid reasons why it's easier or preferable for the other people to do it, live closer, more dog experience, bigger garden, closer to nice walks...but that text explains nothing of their reasons and the choice to say 'prefer' is rude and entitled sounding. Perhaps they're just poor at expressing themselves. But I agree with you, it's rude.

Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 29/06/2023 19:16

The word prefer is rude but I wouldn’t care too much. If a friend offered to catsit then my parents said they would, then I would prefer my parents to do it but I wouldn’t write that in a text to the friend.

id suggest it may be easier/better for friend if parents did it etc

IheardYouButDontWantToAnswer · 29/06/2023 19:19

That is a bit rude, and I'd make sure I "wasn't available" the next time they ask

ThursdayFreedom · 29/06/2023 19:25

Yes, saying it the way they did was really rude.

There are many ways in which it might be preferable, but it would have been better for them to say 'Jane offered to house/dog sit in our house & Fido will settle better without other dogs here, so we've taken that option. I do hope we haven't put you out too much pencilling those dates in'.

or whatever, but we'd prefer is just rude. They'd be getting a big Fat NO next time!!

JeminaSunshine · 29/06/2023 19:44

I'd be over the moon.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 29/06/2023 22:10

It’s very rude. They just have foreseen you’d have altered your plans to accommodate them?

Plus they can go swivel if they ever ask a favour of you again.

pictoosh · 29/06/2023 22:34

'We'd prefer that' is a bit dismissive of your effort. I suppose he's just being factual.
It's worded as though they think you are missing out on a treat. Seeing as you offered to do it they possibly thought you really wanted to do it. Like it would be fun for you and keep you busy.

Equalitea · 29/06/2023 22:48

I don’t think it’s rude.

Spankydom · 29/06/2023 23:17

I’m not a big fan of dogs so I’d be quite happy about this. Even if it was a good friend or family!

SamW98 · 29/06/2023 23:19

It’s absolutely rude but I’d make the most of the fact my life isn’t being ruled by a dog for a couple of weeks

In your shoes I would never say yes again

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 29/06/2023 23:21

It's not "we prefer them" but "we prefer that" which means the situation not the person...

Starhead69 · 29/06/2023 23:25

Don’t worry too much about it. It’s worked out better for you hasn’t it?

so what, they prefer him
to be with someone else, and you prefer not to have their dog.

Valeriekat · 30/06/2023 09:26

Let them know that you had altered plans in order to help them out though!
And of course next time say no.

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