To think I've been played by this acquaintance? Amended version!

[Travelingthere]

I'm keeping this vague just in case but I hope the whole situation described comes over properly.

A family member Ann works with a nice bubbly woman Beth. She recently asked Annie if we'd like to go out for a meal, never been in my radar before as a socialising companion. I'm socially anxious and have been socially hibernating for about 6 months. My HRT has kicked in and I feel a bit braver now. So I thought why not.

We went out about a month ago with Beth's friend Cassiopeia. It was quite a nice night. I enjoyed but the couple of hours socially exhausted me.

Towards the end of the evening Beth just blurted out, "Oh yeah are you two going to XYZ event?"

Well she knows we are because she only really know of it because Ann was raving about it before Christmas. On the Basis of that Beth and Cassiopeia bought tickets.

The event is in August. Ann and I have been approx 12 times, it's something significant that we do as much as possible and we look forward to it and cherish the memories and the anticipation.

This event is August is more special because reasons than any of the previous.

After disingenuously asking if we were going Beth then started talking about how arduous it'd be as it's be 4 trains and an over night stay for the 2 of them. It's in a pricy location.

I'm driving.

There and back on the same day.

So she asked if we could go together. Blindsided, I muttered yes for fucks sake.

That's a whole day with practical strangers (nice people though) and me saving them a lot of money. And our normal vibe at the event now spend with other people and all the changes and compromises that comes with.

There's a potential that Cassiopeia can't make it, so the conversation was left with me saying "let me know if how that potential works out and then we'll make decisions"

I'm committed aren't I?

Mine and Beth's extra special lovely Day Out is changed isn't it? And not in a good way, in my view.

But I'm too wimpy to back out.

Hotels will be £300 a night I think, no idea on train costs.

Yabu - suck it up you're stuck with it.

Yanbu - sympathies, the change is hellish

I think Oblomov23 has it right, just tell them the truth. You aren't friends, have met them only once and owe them nothing. I don't think it was particularly cheeky of them to ask, maybe they are hoping to become better friends and thought this was a good opportunity. However you don't need to be on the same wavelength. Being honest this way will mean that when you are there, the expectation to be at the same hotel, spending time together with them at the event will be minimised.

Speak to Ann and if you both prefer to go by yourselves and stick to your usual arrangement just tell them!

You haven’t ‘been played’.

This is just a friendly person behaving in a normal, friendly way.

This is how people make friends.

Seriously. I mean, continuing putting an awful, negative spin on it, if it makes you happy (does it?), but this woman hasn’t done anything wrong.

Just tell both of them "Due to a change of plan, I can't drive you to the event. The reasons are private so please don't ask".

I would hate it and I am an extrovert!
You have met them only once so I really don't think you owe them anything.

Think I must have had too much wine because I’m just totally lost as to what the problem is.

I sympathize with the decompression after social events. It can be really draining.

I don't think she made an unreasonable suggestion, but I also think she should be prepared for you to say it isn't suitable.

You are allowed to say no, it doesn't matter the reason. No is a full sentence.
Check with Ann how she feels? Does she feel ok lift sharing?
You could say to B and C that when you arrive that you and A have a family thing planned and that you will meet up with them later in the day. Be clear that a lift share is ok but spending the day with them doesn't fit your plan.

Just go and be friendly. You might even enjoy it!

Talk to Ann.

Possibly do the drive together & then split up for the day?

Hmm, I’m a bit cynical and think it’s all a bit convenient that B and C (if she goes) are going to save train fare and hotel accommodation for this event by abruptly, at first meeting, asking OP to drive them. They booked tickets before thst, knew expenses, knew A went before with OP, and it all sounds a bit pre meditated and not like B and C were asking A and Op out to a meal to make acquaintances but to get something.
but as I say I’m cynical.
what sort of cf asks for a lift to an event a good distance away at first meeting when they know the 2 relatives go together? Either they or plan was hatched with A and B before and they just assumed OP would fall in line

so, I’d speak to A. just ask what’s going on? Did she discuss this lift with B and suggest OP could drive and hence the meal out? Or has A been blindsided to? Does A want to travel with B and possibly C ? Does she want to spend the day with them? Find out what’s going on.

if A didn’t know, and isn’t bothered and not concerned about relationship impact with B and c then I’d send a polite message with, sorry you caught me unawares, but on reflection I cannot provide the lift for reason I won’t explain.

if A is in coverts, then say, that’s fine she can drive! If she doesn’t drive, tell her in no uncertain terms to never put you in that position again, and thst you thought it was a special day out for the 2 of you and you’re upset that she didn’t discuss this with you before effectively volunteering you. Then tell her to tell Bband c thst she, A, made a mistake and realises it was too big an ask and get her friends to tell you they’ll make their own way.

as a fellow introvert it’s not your duty to suck this up if you also have social anxiety. Yep, I’m sure all the extroverts out there are right that it’ll be ok once you set off, but their not looking at stress it’ll cause in run up and how that’ll spoil looking forward to your lovely normal annual event. As regards to posters saying it could be start of whole new friendships - well I don’t think anyone who rocks up meeting someone for the first time followed up by will you drive us long distance to this event as it’s going to cost me too much, is a good sign for a great new friendship frankly.

I think if you are shallow enough to invite yourself to be chauffered by someone you barely know than you are probably shallow enough to not be too bothered if the request is turned down.
Just say no.

Just message her and say sorry, our plans have changed so I won't be able to give you a lift now. You don't owe her any more explanation than that.

All of you saying that this is a friendship in the making I think you are mistaken.

I'm a 57 year old part time minimum wage worker, don't do my hair or nails or make up, not interested in fashion, enjoy scandic dramas and jigsaws knitting.

She is a 21 year old private school degree educated glamorous social media loving party cocktail girly girl.

I'm sure she's not seeking a friendship from me.

I'm still pondering in how to approach.

She definitely sounds shallow!

I think her request is youthful naivety, assuming people will share any thing with anyone all the time, and if someone has something that will make her life easier then they can ask to use it.

She's using you. You don't have to be used and she does have to grow up.

Just text to say you are not going to take her to the festival, you have already made plans which you don't want to change. Which you have. You plan to go in a twosome.