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AIBU?

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AIBU

8 replies

mummaHE03 · 29/06/2023 10:11

My ds is 6 months old and I’m due back to work in September I used to work 40 hours now I’m going down to 12 hours a week my partner does not look after ds on his own nor does he do housework however he does cook dinner 3 times a week. a My partner says I’ve got to go back so I can split all the bills with him I thought this was stupid as i won’t be making much money less than I do on amp so I said to him can we come to an agreement where I pay less than half of everything or I’ll literally have no money once the bills have been split I mentioned that I do all the housework and look after ds all day and night on my own and that I feel that if I have to go back to work like he says I shouldn’t have to pay as much as I used to. He said that’s ridiculous and that I need to pay my way and that housework and looking after son arnt difficult tasks like going to work. I said to him that I feel that he should Be putting more money in than me and support his family financially as not much as changed for him and everything has changed for me. He doesn’t do anything around the house apart from meals mentioned above and Is incapable of looking after his son on his own for more than 20 minutes. AIBU to be upset or expect this?

OP posts:
flipent · 29/06/2023 10:15

I really struggle to understand how many people have children without discussing things like this in advance.

It is not ok for you to work, do all of the house work and childcare and have absolutely no money left for yourself. That is financial abuse and a form of control.

Nothing wrong with you working and putting either a % split in or enough to leave you both with a similar amount each month.

If your partner can't or wont see this, then he is financially abusing you.

While not working, do you have any money available to you?

If you have no money of your own, this could be a way of him trying to keep you trapped.

I am sorry that he is doing this, get some support.

CherryLipgloss · 29/06/2023 10:19

If housework and looking after DS aren't difficult tasks, why can't he do his equal share of them?

OP, don't got back to work part time under this arrangement. It's not fair. If he doesn't agree to a fair split of the finances, go back full time and he'll realise how much half the childcare bill is.

Fiftyisthenewsixty · 03/07/2023 12:21

Work out how much childcare would be and bill him for half of it. Honestly, if he doesn't understand how unfair this is, I don't really know what you can do other than leave him as it sounds as if he is taking no responsibility at all. Also, you podted this on the yoga board - you might get more helpful advice on "chat" or "relationships ".

Equalitea · 10/07/2023 06:40

I’m with an OP, I am always amazed that people don’t discuss finances and childcare before children are born.

He is being unreasonable but you can’t force him to change if he won’t. Financially you may be better off alone and claiming top up benefits.

Pawpatrolsucks · 10/07/2023 06:45

I agree bill him for half of everything you do. And take the sum off what you contribute.

noglow · 10/07/2023 06:49

Hello, this is posted in Yoga just so you know 🧘‍♀️

Smilencuddlesthenstab · 04/08/2023 16:44

I’m confused. If you go back full time who looks after ds?

ImaniMumsnet · 14/08/2023 11:45

OP, we've moved this thread to the AIBU board as it seems like a better fit.

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