Am I being ungrateful?

[abracadabra5]

I don't think I am but my daughter's dad is making me question things.

He left when I was pregnant, so I have been a single parent to our one year old DD since day one.

He has only actually paid maintenance a few times, but recently has started buying things for DD to the value of the maintenance he should be paying me, e.g. this month, he spent hundreds of pounds on clothes (that she didn't even need, and some of which she can't wear until she's two) instead of giving me actual money. I've tried to explain that I would prefer that he gave me the money as then I would be able to put it towards things like food shopping and nappies. His response was that I should be grateful as some single mothers "get nothing" from their child's fathers.

I do appreciate that he bought her clothes, but she didn't need them and I could have spent that money on other things that she needs.

I decided that I'm going to put a claim in with CMS, but now his family are making out like I'm this evil cow (their words) and saying things like "all you care about it money". I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy! I know I'm obviously not unreasonable to go through CMS to get him to pay for his own child but that's how I'm being made to feel.

Do I just need to be "grateful" that he does actually do something rather than nothing or am I right to pursue a CMS claim?

No he is a cunt and trying to control you!

you are 100% right and do not let them say otherwise! Stand your ground now and set your boundaries.

Any clothes he buys are in addition to maintenance.

Sell the stuff she doesn't need and go via cms.. Have nc with his family. They are standing by his abuse... They aren't your friends..

No yanbu at all ! Of course you need the money towards things she needs essentials rather than clothes you don’t need right now.
Try the cms however I warn you they are next to useless unfortunately you may have to just settle for anything he will offer if they can’t get money out of him / speaking from experience unfortunately. Could you ask him to buy nappies , milk etc ?

He's a controlling arsehole, and his family are enablers.

Put in the claim, feel no guilt. There is more to raising a child than buying loads of pretty clothes.

If I got £1 for every time I got told I'm only after money, I'd be rich by now!!
My ex still hides his earnings through his limited business so he only pays £100 a month. Even though his lifestyle tells a very different story.
CMS want proof which I can't prove so I have no way of getting what my daughter deserves.
Go through CMS and get what your child deserves! Don't listen to his idiotic family

Well I am clearly unenlightened, how bloody awful that the CMS are so useless! What the hell is the point of them then?

You are not being unreasonable or ungrateful. He is a nasty piece of work, as are his family. Don’t listen to any of them, contact CMS. Best of luck.

The old truck of buying clothes and toys that make him look like dad of the year when in fact he's a good for nothing loser.

He's on track for being a Disney dad in the future.

Get that claim in tomorrow, the longer you leave it the more your dd is doing without.

Block his family on everything - social media, WhatsApp, email, phone - everything.

So some dads are completely shit, so you're supposed to be grateful that your daughters dad is only 90% shit. Right. They can just fuck off, I'm angry at your behalf on this pathetic excuse for a parent and his enabling twats that are his family members. On what planet does a child need dresses for next year rather than two parents contributing towards their food and shelter. If you were still together he would have to pay towards her general upkeep...why should he stop paying towards his share of these costs just because you've split. Arsehole

Ask him how a pile of clothes is going to keep a roof over her head. Ask him how those clothes are going to keep her fed, and warm in the winter. Remind him that the cost of raising a child is more than just a few pretty dresses.

Just another way to try to control you. YANBU at all OP. As poster up thread said sell any clothes your DC does not need and get a claim into CMS immediately. You need that money to pay things like gas, electricity, water and food for your DC. Block his family. They sound like nasty idiots if they don't see why you need money for your baby.

No YANBU in the slightest! You have no need to be “grateful” when he is disrespecting your very reasonable request for money to spend on things your daughter actually NEEDS whilst buying stuff to make him look like a good Dad when a really good Dad would want his child to have whatever they needed.

Try the CMS, don’t stand for any bull from your toxic ex or his toxic family and also get educated about narcissistic abuse which is what this is. Look up gaslighting and DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.") as these are some of the tactics they are using on you.

If he can make you out to be the moneygrabbing ex he doesn’t have to face the fact he is a poor excuse for a father…

Try the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace.

Good Luck OP. Remember you are the one actually providing for your DD

He’s an arsehole. Also manipulative.

Just go through due process and try and get the money.

He’s a twat. So are his family. Stop talking to them (block on social media or whatever) and ignore. Go through CMS.

You know you’re right.