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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument over child's snack

62 replies

Alwayshungry88 · 28/06/2023 19:17

This sounds absolutely stupid writing it down but DH and I have just had a massive row over me giving our 8 year old a snack!

So today was our 8 year olds sports day, they also had an after school sports club so busy day.

Picked them up at 430 ish, came home and had some work to finish before dinner so gave them a biscuit (think plain digestive) worked for another hour then did dinner

Dh is on nights and dc had gone up to see them between snack and dinner. He had then had a massive go at me for giving dc a snack before dinner. Should point out that dc ate all of their dinner and dessert so its not like they didn't eat everything they should have!

The argument here also isn't they should have had something healthier, its that they shouldn't have had anything before dinner. Which I can see the point but not sure it's worth the huge argument we have just had about it which has now resulted in DH storming off to another room!

OP posts:
SallyWD · 28/06/2023 20:18

Seriously? Your child spends several hours doing sports and has one plain digestive before dinner? What's the problem?!
I always give my son a glass of milk and a couple of biscuits when he comes home from school. Yes I know it would be healthier to give him carrot sticks or something but he's incredibly thin and I'll give him what I know he'll eat. He has a very nutritious dinner so I don't think a couple of biscuits will harm him. I think your husband's being ridiculous.

TheSnowyOwl · 28/06/2023 20:30

My eight year old would demolish the contents of the local supermarket as a snack and still eat everything!

Original poster
Alwayshungry88 · 28/06/2023 20:31

So dh has control issues and this is just one of the things we have argued about recently that I think he is over reacting on but I genuinely am so worn down by it all I thought I coukd be unreasonable even though I was sure I wasn't

For reference dc is tall for their age and their weight is normal, no dietary requirements at all so that's not a concern. Dh just doesn't like dc having snacks before dinner and when I try and say they had lunch at 12 ish and then would have to go until 530 until dinner he seems to think that's fine and any form of snack is off limits

Didn't mean to sound conspicuous about the biscuit type, it was just a plain biscuit

OP posts:
Hartleyhare1206 · 28/06/2023 20:37

Is your DH a secret mumsnetter? Hates snacking and would rather they had a massive salad instead?!🤣

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 28/06/2023 20:38

What the fuck are you buying biscuits for if not to be eaten by a child between lunch and dinner?

mindutopia · 28/06/2023 20:40

My kids didn’t have sports day or an after school club and I made them a fucking pizza between coming home from school and dinner! 😂

We eat late and one of them had an evening activity to go to, so I wouldn’t expect them to go from 12-7:30/8pm without eating.

Agree your husband sounds like he needs a damn biscuit.

Hankunamatata · 28/06/2023 20:42

Mine would have had a banana, yogurt and a biscuit then still ate dinner.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/06/2023 20:42

A single digestive seems like a tiny snack between school and dinner - mine would definitely have more than that!

TheChosenTwo · 28/06/2023 20:44

He sounds really bloody horrible and controlling. My ds is 11 but comes home and has a snack plate of some kind every day when he gets home from school, apple, berries, crackers and a yoghurt or something. We share the fruit as it’s a nice way of us having a quick catch up on his day and gets some fruit into me and also a little break away from my desk although I log off not long after he comes home anyway. We eat our dinner quite late compared to others but he’s usually pretty ravenous when he comes home and he gets properly hangry.

NuffSaidSam · 28/06/2023 20:45

Your DH sounds like he's having a breakdown. Is he quite well?

I'd push him calmly for a why. Why can't they have a snack? Why? If he can give a good logical reason then ok, but I'd bet good money that he can't!

Floatydressbeachyhair · 28/06/2023 20:51

Is he for real?

My 8 year old gets home from school everyday and usually makes himself a big fruit salad with Greek yogurt, nuts and a slice of buttery toast.

Today both dc had a pizza sub each before dinner.

They always come home ravenous and they still eat their dinner but they always have a fairly substantial snack, fruit, yoghurt, toast, crackers, cheese,. Occasionally a sausage roll or a couple of waffles or a small pizza.

I don't know what is wrong with your husband but it doesn't sound right.

PinkyFlamingo · 28/06/2023 20:51

Again this is not about a single biscuit, its raising a child in a controlling atmosphere and will only get worse. Your son will grow up emotionally damaged if you stay with this man, I have no idea why people put up with this.

MrsElsa · 28/06/2023 20:54

What was DH logic / reasoning for not giving snack?

Batshit imo

People need food

CaroleSinger · 28/06/2023 20:57

Go and sit in his room and eat the whole packet in silence then walk out.

Nanny0gg · 28/06/2023 21:24

Alwayshungry88 · 28/06/2023 20:31

So dh has control issues and this is just one of the things we have argued about recently that I think he is over reacting on but I genuinely am so worn down by it all I thought I coukd be unreasonable even though I was sure I wasn't

For reference dc is tall for their age and their weight is normal, no dietary requirements at all so that's not a concern. Dh just doesn't like dc having snacks before dinner and when I try and say they had lunch at 12 ish and then would have to go until 530 until dinner he seems to think that's fine and any form of snack is off limits

Didn't mean to sound conspicuous about the biscuit type, it was just a plain biscuit

I think a snack would be normal and would push dinner back to 6 personally

Your husband is an idiot

SamW98 · 28/06/2023 21:26

PinkyFlamingo · 28/06/2023 20:51

Again this is not about a single biscuit, its raising a child in a controlling atmosphere and will only get worse. Your son will grow up emotionally damaged if you stay with this man, I have no idea why people put up with this.

Absolutely agree. This is about much more than one biscuit.

electriclight · 28/06/2023 21:29

It is such a trivial thing to get cross about that I wonder whether he is stressed about something else - dc's weight or behaviour, money/job, your relationship?

When he's calm, discuss what the real issue is because it can't possibly be a single biscuit. Surely he can see that a 75 calorie biscuit is fine between lunch and dinner.

caringcarer · 28/06/2023 21:33

PinkyFlamingo · 28/06/2023 20:51

Again this is not about a single biscuit, its raising a child in a controlling atmosphere and will only get worse. Your son will grow up emotionally damaged if you stay with this man, I have no idea why people put up with this.

I agree this is not about a stupid biscuit but about your DH controlling everything. I could not live with a man like this. I'd be giving the child biscuits in the car so DH did not see them. After sports like swimming or playing cricket my child is always starving so I keep breakfast bars in my car and he takes a banana too. He's not overweight. My DH offers him a snack when he arrives home too.

Sigmama · 28/06/2023 21:33

So he thinks he's the boss, and you should his bidding?

MadCattery · 28/06/2023 21:44

I get home from work at 4:30, dinner around 6:00 and I need a small snack to tide me over! My DS is grown and has his own home and does the same. Tell your DH it’s healthier to maintain blood sugar by eating small amounts throughout a day.

Thoughtful2355 · 28/06/2023 21:44

My 2 kids get a snack plate after school and before dinner and still eat all the dinner. Most kids eat SOMETHING before dinner I would presume unless other circumstances happen.

Sometimes I even get them McDonald's before dinner :O shocker!!!

Itstime1 · 28/06/2023 21:47

I think you were great for just giving 1 biscuit! My 15m DD will happily demolish 2 (one for each hand!) biscuits whilst she watches me make her dinner 😂

In all seriousness though that’s really bad behaviour from your DH. Control on that level isn’t normal and you need to find the root cause of it OP for your own sake x

yosj · 28/06/2023 21:50

This is such an unhealthy environment for your child to grow up in. I'd seriously be re-evaluating the marriage.

Out of interest did your child say anything?

Sceptre86 · 28/06/2023 21:52

Mine are 5 and 7 and have at least 2 snacks before their dinner between 5-5.30pm. Sometimes it's fruit, followed by crisps, sometimes it's crackers and houmous or mini packets of oreos etc. To me it's an overreaction but then I would question why he needs dessert after dinner? To each their own. You know your child better than randomers on the Internet. Could there be anything else going on with your dh because it just sounds like such a disproportionate response?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 28/06/2023 22:02

Your dh need to learn how to control his control issues, not subject his issues on to his family to manage his behaviour impulses.

You need to start standing up for your ds and yourself, he does not get to dictate your lives because of his controlling impulses.

For me I’d be giving him an ultimatum, learn to manage them or leave.

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