To think this friendship is not what I thought

[TwistedEgg]

Friend and I where best friends in high school. I married and had children (3) young and she went to uni and didn't have children for a while.

I invited her for dinner a couple of times a month and she came round and seemed to enjoy being around my children, they were flower girls at her wedding. Then she seemed to become distant. I wondered if she was TTC and it was hard being around my kids so I let her set the pace off when we saw each other etc (but still invited her over/asked her to go out just the two us)

Fast forward a couple of years and she has 2 children. She's always said she's ' auntie' to my children and I would be to hers although I barely saw them.

I asked if I'd done something to upset her and she said no she's just not very good at sorting things out. I accepted this ad she's had anxiety in the past and I know how hard it can be.

I saw her in a shop in my town with her dd and she said to her dd 'look there's my friend name
So clearly I'm not auntie as she always has been to mine

She had her second and I didn't see her until she was 8 months old, friend said she was quite anxious about seeing people. However when I saw her she was telling me all about when her friend came round the other week with her kids. And they've been round a few times

If I ever try to distance myself or ask if I've done something she gushes how I'm her oldest best friend etc etc and no don't be silly, but then I don't hear from her for months. I just need to accept this friendship is over more or less don't I? Her second son is 18 months old and I've seen him once, not for lack of trying to arrange things

This sounds fairly normal for older friendships in my experience (personal and those of people I know). Do you live very close to one another as in the same town?

The friendship has cooled or isn’t as close as it used to be. That’s life sometimes. It doesn’t mean that you have to cut ties and sabots over

I think it's entirely natural for relationships to change over time, especially when people get married and have children. Life gets in the way of a lot of things. It sounds like you want more from her than she wants to give but it doesn't sound to me like the friendship is over.

I saw her in a shop in my town with her dd and she said to her dd 'look there's my friend name*
So clearly I'm not auntie as she always has been to mine*

I do think you're being ridiculously oversensitive about this though.

She's always made a huge thing about being called auntie, I never pushed it or suggested it, but she said that's my friend twisted egg over there, her daughter didn't even know me. I have always been there for her and it's always when I've pushed to meet that we've seen each other.

She lives on the next village, 5 minute drive

Thanks though, I'll just assume we're now acquaintances. I'm not going to cut ties it's just a bit upsetting

I think you saying her daughter doesn’t even know you is hitting the nail on the head why she has stopped calling you Auntie. I dropped the ‘Auntie’ thing with friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, it’s too confusing for the children.
a I think often when people become parents they are so busy with everything in their lives time passes by. I wouldn’t cut ties with her. She is probably just busy. Even if she has seen other friends, the other friends maybe the type who just show up and she didn’t have much choice.

Thanks, yeah i get that.

she was distant when in full time work and i was busy with 3 young children. but i still made time for her. now im in full time work with 3 children ( between age 6 and 12) and she has young children and works part time and still im the one initiating contact and trying to see her

Do you have many other friends op? Does she?

Honestly I sometimes feel like 6 months have passed in a flash and think I miss certain friends and would love to see them, but life gets in the way.

One of my oldest friends and I only live an hour apart and the next time we'll be able to see each other is November. We've just got so much on.

I have other friends, I'm not sure about her, I assume so, but I feel like I know nothing about her anymore which feels sad

Maybe she's prioritising seeing other people who have kids the same age as hers. It's nice being able to relate to other people in the same boat as you rather than a more 'experienced' person who's kids are older, if that makes sense.
I'd keep an open mind, drop the odd 'how are you' msg but don't try and arrange/suggest meet ups, leave that to her. The friendship may pick up again if you leave the door open.

It feels hurtful, I think if I were you I’d take a small step back and try not to mind.

Thanks all i just need accept it's not the same for her as I thought it was. I always send a quick text saying happy birthday on her birthday and her son and daughters but I don't think sores done the same in years

I think what you've described sounds pretty normal. Adult friendships can ebb and flow and people's lives and priorities change.