Boundaries or Rude with in laws?

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Very long backstory with my hideous MIL but essentially she is extremely rude, combative and vindictive towards me. Dh has been going to therapy to deal with the anger issues he has largely due to her and to help set boundaries.

But I need some perspective as I'm too close to this. Which course of action would you consider healthier boundaries and the least rude?

MIL arranging to visit, in four weeks we will be going on holiday. In those four weeks our family dog and my parents dog is to be put down due to advanced cancer. I have two massive deadlines that require a lot of work. We're looking after a friends child for a long weekend during that time too. As well as the usual daily grind with two children under five at home.

So would you -

A) say no, there's too much on our plates you cannot visit before the holiday. But we can look at dates that suit us all after then.

Or

B) say to MIL let us know what dates you want to visit and we can figure out if it'll work (with the intention to say no no matter what).

A for sure.
B isn't setting boundaries. It's game playing.

“Nope. You’re vile. Why would we accommodate you?”

Bit much?

Either A or offer up a specific date that your family can work around.

If she is talking about a weekend then only the one you have plans for is problematic. If you need to work a weekend then DH can take her and the kids out for the first day and you can do Sunday lunch or a picnic out the next day.

If she is talking midweek then she needs to fit in and make her own entertainment in the day.

A and then work hard on NC.

“It's not always as simple as just cutting people off unfortunately.”

Actually, I think it usually is that simple, just people are too scared to do it. So I’m option C too.

Well, obviously the sensible thing would be to say you don’t want house guests at all. Nearest Premier Inn is here. If she freaks out and goes NC then it’s mission accomplished.

If you are still wanting to appease her for some reason, then A.

It's not always as simple as just cutting people off unfortunately.

Your DH doesn't have to cut her off, equally you don't have to have her in your home. I don't know why you would even consider this if she's so awful to you. Your DH can go visit his mum if he wants to maintain a relationship. Alternatively you could arrange to be away if he wants her to visit if that is logistically possible. I wouldn't be setting boundaries so much as taking a zero tolerance approach to shitty behaviour from others.

A

A would be perfectly reasonable even if your MIL was a complete delight, let alone with an MIL as horrible as yours!

Honestly, if things aren't great between you I'd say "I'm sorry but you and I really don't get on that well and I think it would be hard work for the both of us so I would suggest maybe staying at the hotel down the road and we can make arrangements to see you"

She won't like it but it might make her realise that you have a boundary and she's crossing it, if she wants a nice relationship with your husband and your kids then she's going to have to play nice