Maybe this is a rant - feigned illnesses

[HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth]

I suppose I am cross with myself why I let this get to me. A close relative of mine has feigned illnesses for so many years. I am not sure if it’s her MH that makes her like this or it’s just attention seeking or that it just makes her feel a bit special.

And the conditions vary often , and abruptly finish when essentially called out on them often by me , mostly inadvertently!

For example many food “intolerances” , plus diabetes, coeliac. She often doesn’t realise what foods contain what so for example insists that normal pasta was fine when she insisted she had a gluten intolerance and settles her stomach. Posh custard which contains sugar , great for her no sugar diet and again settles her stomach. Allergy to prawns , when I knew she had happily and hungrily eaten them only a few months before , when we bought a ready meal containing them not realising this was a new “allergy” .

Some copying too when I received an epi pen for a genuine allergy she obviously wanted one too so got one for bee stings. Despite having numerous stings before that.

A mole meant she had skin cancer and despite numerous visits and appointments at the hospital due to her insistence that all newly appearing bumps , were skin cancer, all were benign. Don’t get me wrong, I know that these things sometimes need checked out but the number of times ( about a dozen) seemed ridiculous and all were benign anyway. I suppose that annoys me because it’s wasting an appointment someone with a genuine need could have . Still refers to her skin cancer.

Having decided that she is no longer gluten free ( due to being called out by me on the pasta ) and eating as much white bread that she can , we have had a bit of a respite from her

The latest is long covid . She got wind of this when her friend took her to one of her mole appointments. The friend was recovering from covid so dozed in the car in the hospital car park. Soon after , relative started suffering from long covid too , despite there being quite break of several weeks after her having had covid. But can still water the garden every day throughly morning and evening mostly with a watering can and tend to hundreds of plants , spending hours in the garden!

Why does this annoy and get to me so much. I do try to grey rock the “illnesses”, try to change the subject or be none committal but that just seems to make her worse and more persistent. She is not going to change , so how do I keep myself sane and stop it getting to me?

"Are you allowed to eat that? Won't that send your blood sugar high?" Every single time.

My kid has type one diabetes, and a family member lies and says she has type two when she clearly evidently doesn't. So I've started saying that one line, shuts her up everytime.

But can still water the garden every day throughly morning and evening mostly with a watering can and tend to hundreds of plants , spending hours in the garden!

As someone with an illness very similar to LC, I need to point out that this can actually be possible and shouldn't be taken as a sign that someone is making it up. Bit like wheelchair users who don't need to use a wheelchair for every single step...

Just doing my daily bit against the stigma, ignorance and prejudice people with chronic illness encounter!

However, totally sympathetic to your general rant :)

@ComeTheFckOnBridget

i did wonder whether lc could come and go. I suppose it was the complete recovery from covid and then lc happening several weeks later and her past history which makes me very suspicious. And it makes me cross for those like you with chronic illnesses because her behaviour just perpetuates myths!

I assume this is a very close relative so you have to be around her.

Have you ever been very direct with her "you're talking shit and making things up " direct ?

@itsmylife7
yes too close to avoid being around.

I did try your suggested approach of being very blunt once! Cue lots of tears and more insistent, with the result that I was in trouble for upsetting her. Tempting but no , not worth ensuing aggro for me.

I have an old friend with a bit of this going on and I will be honest it has ramped up lately and it's put some distance between us. You could put it down to her mental health, attention seeking, wanting to feel special or a bit of all three. Ultimately though, happy well adusted people don't make up illnesses, and it points to an emotional or psychological imbalance.

Sounds like she's got health anxiety. And it can be very toxic/draining to engage in (DH has got it, and he's driving me round the bend following recent hernia surgery - his latest is that he thinks his scar is infected. It isn't, so I'm not engaging in discussion with it).

I would just parrot back the same answer each time "oh dear, is your health anxiety bad again at the moment, have you tried the GP".

Used to work with someone like this, she had every illness going. It was draining. She rocked up to work one day with a full face of makeup saying she's had a very severe migraine for 3 days. Like she wouldn't be fit to lift her head if that was the case but anyway. Her handbag used to rattle she had that many pills. Her kids were the same, if they had asthma it was never any old asthma it was the worst the doc had ever seen.. blah blah blah.

I feel your pain it's so frustrating being around this type of person.
I have started to ignore and not offer any advice, and I do lots of 🙄🙄

She rocked up to work one day with a full face of makeup saying she's had a very severe migraine for 3 days. Like she wouldn't be fit to lift her head if that was the case but anyway.

Why would being fit and made up for work on day 4 preclude the fact that she had a migraine for the 3 days before?

I'm with you on the food thing, but I agree with a pp that the long covid could be genuine. Probably not, given her history, but it doesn't sound completely out of line for how long covid can present.

@Fink
but would long covid present itself a good few weeks after a full recovery from covid?

How does this affect you?

@CurlewKate
it makes me annoyed after conversations with her . Which annoyed me and makes me more annoyed!

Because people who make up illnesses can be incredibly draining to be around. They often do it for attention and can ramp up their efforts if sufficient attention is not offered.

I'm not a medical professional, I can only speak for myself. I had covid (for the second or possibly third time), was pretty mild. The only issue was a lingering cough which I didn't bother to do anything about until it had gone on for four months, it wasn't severe and I don't think a lot of people would even have noticed, if they hadn't been constantly in my company. Eventually a short dose of steroid inhaler sorted it out, but since then my asthma has been set off by various allergens and I go through cycles of being breathless to the point of not being able to walk up a flight of stairs, back to nearly normal (though still not the lung capacity I had until last year), and then off again. I hadn't had an asthma attack for nearly 30 years, since I grew out of my childhood asthma. The GP confirmed it seems to be as a result of the covid that it came back. I wouldn't have classed myself as having long covid for the first few months because all I had was a slight cough.

@HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth Have you tried just ignoring your MIL when she starts talking about her health? Change the subject. She's right to be concerned about moles, though. There are mole clinics where you can go and get them all checked in one appointment. And she's very unlucky to have been stung multiple times by bees!

Be less available.. Cut phone calls short... Change the subject without acknowledgment of the latest issue... We had a relative that claimed he had had surgery the day before his visit for testicular cancer... Took a photo for my own sanity of him wrestling on the floor with my dc.. to remind me he is full of bs...

Onset of long covid can be delayed for up to 3 months (possibly longer) after the acute infection, and occurs in about 10% of cases.

So although she sounds like a PITA, it is entirely possible that she also has long covid.

It’s so tricky. The people I know with long covid are the ones you would have guessed would get long covid if you’d been a betting person. I’m sure some are genuine but there’s a certain type of person who love a diagnosis and one with no outright blood test to confirm is perfect for them.

Because people who make up illnesses can be incredibly draining to be around. They often do it for attention and can ramp up their efforts if sufficient attention is not offered

This 100% !

and the bee stings are because she always goes to close and annoys them!

My husband's sister is exactly like that! Says she's gluten intolerant but eats toast. Reckons she's lactose intolerant, but she'll have custard, and sauces made with cream in. Not one single doctor has ever told her she's got any medical condition that should restrict her diet (she picks and chooses when she's got these things). Never, ever had any type of medical test for any intolerance. She's an attention-craving hypochondriac. She once told us that all 4 chambers of her heart were damaged/not working. It turned out she had absolutely nothing wrong with her heart at all.

I wish i had advice, my SIL is exactly the same. She has a new illness every week, been to the doctors more times than i have had hot dinners - never really has any sort of diagnosis, but always on some sort of antibiotics/ painkillers.
Every illness is quoted as 'the worst case the doctor has ever seen'. She is constantly off work, loosing jobs then guilt tripping parents into giving her money because she is ill. Its exhausting, unfortunately majority of her siblings no longer bother with her because every conversation results in her latest illness.
I fear one day she may actually be quite ill but she has cried wolf so many times that almost everything she says is met with an eye roll.

@IheardYouButDontWantToAnswer

i think you may be me!

Because she was claiming to still have said migraine. Never just a headache, always the worst migraine known to man