5 year old wetting herself on purpose, what do I do?

[Majesty]

Just after advice because I’m at my wits end. 5 year old has been potty trained since she was 2. Dry, day and night for years. Except she goes through phases where she wets herself because she can’t be bothered to go to the toilet. If asked, she will literally say she didn’t want to stop what she was doing and go to the toilet so just wets herself instead. I’ve tried ignoring it, punishing her, leaving her in her damp clothes (for a few minutes so she gets the wet feeling), taking her to the toilet hourly. I’ve threatened her with nappies at school, I’ve bought her special pants that will be thrown away if she wets them. We’ve done sticker charts to stay dry, treats out etc. Ive switched her clothes to make it easier to pull them up/down. Nothing works. She doesn’t care about having wet pants, she just wants to keep playing. When she wets her pants we stop what we are doing and go in so it doesn’t even work!
I've had her checked for urine infections and nothing. I googled and sexual abuse came up, it’s definitely not that. I just don’t know what to do! It’s not all the time, maybe for 5/6 days and then it stops for a month or two, and then she starts again. She’s an intelligent child with good communication skills. Is more than capable of going to the toilet by herself. What can I do?

thanks for all the responses. I don’t think she’s impacted as she poos regularly once or twice a day? I’ll look into it though! I did take her to the gp who didn’t mention it at all

shes Not upset before or when it happens so I don’t think it’s caused by distress. It’s almost always when she’s playing outside, or watching tv or doing something she doesn’t want to stop doing?

@MuggleMe she shows no signs of ND, her older sibling has complex needs so Its something I have watched for in her. She is quite eloquent and teachers tell me she has good communication skills

@ScrollingLeaves i didn’t take it like that at all :)

I'm a reception teacher.
You need to look at the cause of why she's doing it, she can't tear herself away. She isn't being malicious.
Look into ADHD and possibly ASD assessments.

Are we happy as a society to breastfeed 5 year olds? Not sure that’s an accurate statement! I’d argue that elements in this country have issues accepting breastfeeding newborns..

Hi OP - I take it you’re talking about full bladder emptying, not just a little bit because she has left it too late, for example? Is she just turned 5 or closer to 6?

My DS went through a phase of doing this - he is 5 and a half now but it wasn’t that long ago. Sometimes it was just a dribble and then he would run off, a couple of times he has full on wet himself at school and come home in ‘spare’ trousers. I’ve asked him why he is wearing someone else’s trousers and he merrily said “I wet myself because I was laughing too much”
It’s definitely for similar reasons - he can’t tear himself away from something. I just said back each time in a neutral voice “ok sweetie well let’s try and make it to the toilet sooner next time, ok?” and eventually he did. It’s been a good few months since it happened last but I’m not ruling out it never happening again.

Does she get up to wee in the night?? My DS goes for a wee pretty much every night without fail.

Teach her about the anatomy of the body so she understands why to wee.... Get some water balloons and slowly fill them up until they pop. Explain this is her bladder.

My friend's daughter was like this but with poo. She potty trained really early (I felt bad in comparison that my daughter was 3 and a few months by the time she got to grips with potty training). But then when she was about 5 she just started pooing in her pants and she didn't care at all. She'd do it at the park, in school etc. usually when she was busy and just didn't want to be bothered with going to the toilet.

My friend was pretty stressed with it all, lots of GP appointments, reading every word on the ERIC website, tried ignoring it, tried punishments, tried bribes etc. It took a while but it just eventually stopped.

Sorry, that's not giving you any advice really, but I know how stressful it can be. Definitely get her checked out again by the GP. And check out the ERIC website if you haven't already

I would certainly immediately terminate anything she was doing that she didn't want to stop. I wouldn't do it angrily though.

Sorry don't want to derail but are you talking about UK society?? Because the UK is definitely not happy as a society with breastfeeding 5-yr olds, believe me!

I work with young children. In my experience this is often related to chronic constipation and being impacted. Even if she is still pooing daily. Sometimes it comes before the soiling. ERIC website as others have said is really helpful

If it really is because she is prioritising play over going to the toilet then you need to make sure she is the one who has to go and get a change of clothes from her drawer and get herself changed, my ds sometimes used to do this too and I’d just say oops, well now you will need to go upstairs and get yourself washed and changed before you can go back to playing. And that was a lot more effort than just going to the toilet in the first place so it helped him get his priorities the right way round!!

Apple and blackcurrant juice can cause bladder irritation if that's applicable

I love this! Logical consequences, amazing X

Once you've ruled out constipation...

Is it a full wee (entire bladder) or just a little and she then realises and stops or runs to the toilet?

Asking as my DS did this until he was five, despite potty training just fine, and only when he was engrossed in something. Full bladder release and he wouldn't even notice. How could he not realise?! Turns out it was ADHD. Lots of other signs later but that now makes so much sense.

I’m curious what are the signs of impaction in a child who poos daily?

@Beginningless small semi- formed poo, diarrhoea, abdo pain and straining to pass small poo. It's because the diarrhoea can pass round the blockage (sorry you did ask)!

Oh and being urinary incontinent

My DS had a phase of this, screens & certain board & card games were worst.

What solved it was, bans on whatever activity he was doing when he wet himself.

It worked.

Is this true? Do you have anything I can read please?

@curlywurlylover666 yes it is a real thing! Dark juices cause bladder irritation. Here is a screenshot from Great Ormond Street plus bladder and bowel uk

www.bbuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Overactive-Bladder-Syndrome-adult-Bladder-Bowel-UK.pdf

www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/keeping-your-childs-bladder-healthy/

My daughter had this, since diagnosed with ADHD & ASD.
Cannot stop what she is doing to go and would sit in wet underwear unconcerned.
ERIC is a helpful website

@curlywurlylover666 also Eric's website mention it, eric.org.uk/childrens-bladders/

Thank you, this is interesting. We have some similar issues with my 5 year old and most of the time she has milk and water. However I do wonder if the issues might be linked to apple and blackcurrant. The OP child sounds very much like mine.

We've had no instances recently but she's also had no juice recently until this weekend and today when I noticed her Nana has given it to her after school.

And agree we were told not to give my daughter dark/berry juices and squash

Orange juice in the cinema once meant three visits to the loo for my five year old.

YYY to this.

'Busy little girl' syndrome is what it's unofficially called. You can call the cleaning up after herself 'consequences' or 'being completely responsible for all aspects of her toileting'. Don't present cleaning herself up as a matter of punishment/ shame.