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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this?

1 reply

usermumnurse · 27/06/2023 22:09

For context - DP & I have DD 16mo. We were together 9 years before DD came along & I have never really been one for going out etc.

DP often goes to football up and down country and abroad / play golf / football & goes to gigs which is ok to an extent. My mum will help out occasionally if we require child care if I am working when he does this and can't take holiday

I went back to work full time when DD was 11mo. I work long days so only 3 per week 2 week days where dd will go to nursery and then DP picks her up and puts her to bed - then will have her either a Friday for night shift or Saturday all day - I'm also undertaking a degree top which is 18mo in total. I get 1 "study day" per week which involves 2 hour online lectures the rest of the time is meant for study which rarely happens so I often find myself using my lunch breaks at work / evenings / nights to get my study done.

This week I have taken a week holiday to get our daughters room sorted as it has been used a storage while we've had works done on the house (they were completed last June)
He works from home so helped a little bit but didn't take the day off and then things he said he would be doing he would say he was working so he couldn't. He says we need to get her in her own room but isn't willing to help.

This evening he asked if I wanted to go to a gig he's going to and I said no thank you as it's not my type of music - he said I never do anything on my own. Since DD was born I have been on days / evenings out - not regularly but maybe just a little under what I did before DD.

First of all, I don't have much disposable cash to be booking things and would rather spend the money doing things as a family and second of all when on earth am I supposed to find time at the moment with work, studies and raising DD.

Am I being unreasonable to think when you start a family you would want to spend your time with them and do things together or do I need to start booking things?

OP posts:
Gettingfleeced · 27/06/2023 22:22

Yes it is important to spend time doing things as a family, but it is important to have some time for you too.

Have you tried doing the marble jar with your DP? You each have a jar with 3 (or however many you like) marbles in it. If he does something for himself like goes out to a gig or a match or whatever, he puts one of his marbles in your jar. If you do something for yourself like go to a gig or out with friends or to a spa day or to the library for an afternoon to catch up on your studying uninterrupted, you move a marble from your jar to his. If you have no marbles in your jar to "spend" it's not your turn to go out and it is a good visual reminder that the other parent needs a break too.

Incidentally, why do you have no disposable cash for booking things but your partner does?

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