Hello all
I don’t have many people to talk to and, being autistic - I don’t have the best common sense tbh.
I have a long-term boyfriend who is a builder. We are both in our 40s. His attendance has been terrible due to him being too hungover to go to work some days - oftentimes he is absent on a Monday because he goes out drinking on a Sunday and stays at his friend who is also a drinker.
His boss has been so reasonable with this…but, this Monday when this happened again, his boss has had enough and raised this as a serious issue with him. I don’t blame him.
My boyfriend says he is sick of working there, sick of working for him and he doesn’t want to go back. There is no back up plan. He is adamant he won’t go back.
On Sunday, I told him that if he was to go out drinking, he has to make sure he is fit for work on the Monday. On Monday, he came back absolutely sick and hungover - then started complaining of a sore knee. So he took the day off for this.
Today, he told me that he had a sore knee again and he won’t be going in. I said: you told me you were definitely going to go in today and your boss is going to be really upset. He then had a huge meltdown and said he was going to walk to work (I didn’t understand this because…I was planning on dropping him off on my way to work and him walking 6 miles didn’t add up to him having a sore knee).
Short story: he didn’t go into work and is now absolutely adamant that he won’t go back. When I ask about the impact this would have on our finances, he tries to guilt me by saying, “ooh that’s all you care about is it?! Not actually that I don’t want to work there - it’s all about the money!” I say: I’m of course happy for you to change jobs but there has to be a back up plan…you’ve left me with no notice that we are going to lose such a massive income which we need to sustain our home, bills and lifestyle (not excessive at all). He says he doesn’t care.
To be honest, for years - every week, I’ve gone through the same anxiety over and over…that he will get drunk and call in sick on the Monday, putting his job at risk.
He is adamant I am being unreasonable and that I must support him throwing the towel in and not working. He says, “there are jobs everywhere!” - there really aren’t and, even if he did get a job - he doesn’t understand that it may be several weeks before he gets paid.
I am so anxious and don’t know what to do or say. I really loved this man but, right now - I feel depressed and indifferent about the relationship. I feel like he doesn’t value me…alcohol is a priority…I mean…he’s likely now going to lose his job for always being hungover and not going in….and, even if he doesn’t, he is going to quit immediately and doesn’t care about the impact this has on me and our finances.
He only drinks once a week on a Sunday but, when he does - it is an insane amount.
I just don’t know what to do or say here. Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone have any ideas how I can handle this? Due to being autistic, I’m a quiet and chilled type and I’m not the best at communication either. He’s in the bedroom right now, shutting the door. I hate this bad atmosphere so much! I’m used to being a loner but that’s different to being lonely.
:-(