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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go out for tea with my exH?

30 replies

PetersCheese · 27/06/2023 14:11

V quick background: split 8 years ago after 12 together. We have 2 DCs. No family where we live on either side so we've remained a solid unit where we share care 50/50, spend Xmas mornings together with partners for the kids, live close to each other and are generally still really good mates. Zero romantic feelings on either side any more. He's just come out of LTR and I'm very happily with my DP of 5 years.

I spontaneously booked a restaurant for DP and I as they are doing a special menu. DP then reminded me that he is out that evening (he had told me, I'm just rubbish). I'd paid a deposit which was non-refundable and non-transferable to another night. Was going to take teen DD but the restaurant has a strict over 18s policy. No friends available at short notice.

I've asked Ex and he's super keen as he loves the look of the menu. My DP absolutely fine with it. They get on well and occasionally text each other about bloke stuff 😂

We'll be driving, not drinking and kids will be at exes so we'll only be gone a few hours.

It's come up in convo at work and a colleague has said they think it's really weird and they "wouldn't let" their DH go out for a meal with his ex.

Is she the weirdo or are we?!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/06/2023 14:13

All depends, it would be fine in this house too 🤷🏽‍♀️

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/06/2023 14:15

As long as everyone who is relevant to this situation is ok with it, who gives a sh*t what someone at work thinks.

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 27/06/2023 14:15

Is your friend pool so shallow?

Weal · 27/06/2023 14:19

Lots of people wouldn’t be ok with this because lots of people have very difficult relationships with their ex. Sounds like you, your ex and partners are very amicable and have become friends after the relationship ended. I don’t see an issue with it. I think it’s great. But possibly quite unique.

roarrfeckingroar · 27/06/2023 14:21

Some of my closest friends are exes. It's completely above board. Good on you for having such a healthy relationship.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2023 14:23

It's great. Kids growing up with adults able to demonstrate that when love ends, respect can remain; that you can fall out of love and still like someone - it isn't love OR hate, and that maintaining a stable family unit was a shared goal.

Merrz · 27/06/2023 14:25

I think it's brilliant you can do this with your ex and all parties involved are ok with it. How lovely for your DC that their mum and dad can still get on so well!

Original poster
PetersCheese · 27/06/2023 14:27

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/06/2023 14:15

As long as everyone who is relevant to this situation is ok with it, who gives a sh*t what someone at work thinks.

Oh I don't genuinely care about colleague's opinion. I just wondered how unusual a scenario it was.

As for my friend group being shallow? Yep, have seen deeper puddles!

OP posts:
roarrfeckingroar · 27/06/2023 14:28

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2023 14:23

It's great. Kids growing up with adults able to demonstrate that when love ends, respect can remain; that you can fall out of love and still like someone - it isn't love OR hate, and that maintaining a stable family unit was a shared goal.

When love ends respect can remain. What a beautiful sentiment.

ginislife · 27/06/2023 14:32

I went to Venice for 4 nights with my Eh to celebrate what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary - and we shared a room. We were married less than 3 years. Now people thought that was weird !! 😂😂😂

Bournetilly · 27/06/2023 14:58

YANBU because everyone involved is fine with this including your DP.

Dreamer8 · 27/06/2023 15:02

Amazing that you can still get along like this.

Dreamer8 · 27/06/2023 15:03

I think your colleague has controlling issues.

Yellowdays · 27/06/2023 15:09

Yes, that "wouldn't let" declaration is a classic!

LaBefana · 27/06/2023 15:13

@PetersCheese

I've asked Ex and he's super keen as he loves the look of the menu.

This made me laugh. Go for it, be thankful you have a decent DP and ex, and take no notice of your idiot colleague. Hope you both enjoy it.

Nellieinthebarn · 27/06/2023 15:13

Well done for behaving like grown-ups and being amical enough for this to be possible.

Outofthepark · 27/06/2023 15:32

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 27/06/2023 14:15

Is your friend pool so shallow?

He IS her friend!

OP do what you want it's your life, you colleague should wind her neck in!

MIBnightmare · 27/06/2023 15:36

No problem here either ..

My ex DH lives in a holiday destination. I am going out to visit next month as haven't seen him for ten years. My now DH isn't remotely weirded out by it. Ex DH is my children's father so they will come too.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 27/06/2023 15:43

I think it's refreshingly lovely to hear of 2 exes who are happy to spend time together. Even more refreshing, is the fact that your DP is cool with it too. Hope you both have a lovely time :)

devildeepbluesea · 27/06/2023 15:45

I often go out with ExDH but we have a similar relationship to OP.

cryinglaughing · 27/06/2023 15:48

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 27/06/2023 14:15

Is your friend pool so shallow?

Nasty!

Some of us prefer quality over quantity 😏

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 27/06/2023 16:21

I think it’s nice that you’re still friends OP. So many people can’t manage that at all even when they’ve split with minimal
drama. Good on you. So long as you your ex and your DP are all fine with it no one else’s opinion matters.

Original poster
PetersCheese · 27/06/2023 19:56

ginislife · 27/06/2023 14:32

I went to Venice for 4 nights with my Eh to celebrate what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary - and we shared a room. We were married less than 3 years. Now people thought that was weird !! 😂😂😂

This is so intriguing 😂

Thanks all. Didn't need the MN seal of approval to go ahead but it's nice and also reassuring to read there are other people in similar situations.

The DC are incredibly happy and well-adjusted. The split and the year or so after were horrendous so I'm proud that me and their dad have come through that awful time and been able to forge a friendship out of it.

OP posts:
NoCoincidence · 27/06/2023 20:08

I had dinner with my ex husband on Saturday!

SleepingStandingUp · 28/06/2023 09:45

ginislife · 27/06/2023 14:32

I went to Venice for 4 nights with my Eh to celebrate what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary - and we shared a room. We were married less than 3 years. Now people thought that was weird !! 😂😂😂

I mean you need to explain that one in more detail!! It's great but we're all intrigued.